Seventeen and Invincible

“Let me take you home,” he sighed, only after force feeding me half of a sandwich. I shook my head tiredly. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t want to go home, Gar. I came here to see you guys perform, and see you guys perform is what I’ll do.” He sighed loudly and scratched the back of his neck—a nervous habit. He looked at me worriedly and I turned away.

“Why do you do this to yourself, Anika? Why are you hurting yourself?” He sighed and grabbed my wrist, examining the cuts lying against nothing more than thin layers of skin and bone. “Why can’t you just tell me what’s going on?” I shook my head.

“It’s nothing, Garrett.” I pulled my wrist back and folded my arms across my chest. I could feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them spill over. Almost as if he knew, his arms were around me in less than a second, and he was whispering sweet nothings in my ear. I held fistfuls of his shirt in my hands and his arms tightened around me, as if the tighter he held me, the more pain he could abolish.

“I’m sorry for whatever it is that’s making you do this. God, why can’t you just tell me?” I just sniffled and buried my face in his chest. One of his arms loosened around my waist and I gripped the fabric of his shirt more tightly than I had before.

“Don’t let me go. Not yet.” He wrapped his arm back around me even tighter than before. I sighed contently and moved as close to him as possible.

“It’s okay, Ani. It’s okay. I’m here. Shh, please don’t cry.” I smiled a little, but as soon as the smile had appeared, it faded with the reminder that soon I would be the one leaving him behind. I jumped back from the embrace and walked backwards into an unsuspecting Kennedy. “What’s going on, Ani? Why are you acting like this?” I walked further away and pushed my sunglasses back up onto the bridge of my nose.

“I-I don’t know,” I sighed loudly. I felt like I was falling apart. I felt like my blood was setting every part of me on fire. I felt like my heart wasn’t even beating anymore. I felt like I was dying and that was exactly what I wanted.

“I’m taking you home,” he sighed loudly. “You need food, coffee and some sleep.” I shook my head until he gave me a look that said that I wasn’t going to win this one. “We still have a few hours before we go on anyway. Besides, I need something to do.” He reached out to take my hand and I let him simply because he was Garrett and I couldn’t stay mad at him.

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He had driven Molly’s car to the diner for us to get breakfast even though it was already afternoon. It felt unnatural to come to the diner with Garrett in a car that wasn’t yellow and obnoxious. We were seated in the booth in the back of the diner—the same place as almost every other time—and we were graced with the presence of the same waitress.

“You two again,” she smiled. “Same orders as usual?” Garrett looked at me unsure, but I nodded. I’m not sure if he expected me to say ‘no’ and ask for just coffee, or if he had expected—more like wanted—me to order more than just pancakes.

“She still remembers us,” he laughed. His smile fell when he looked back up at me. “When are you going to tell me why you’re doing this?” I shrugged.

“When I have to.” I closed my eyes ever so slightly in a futile attempt to avoid the pain that was radiating through my body.

“Why can’t you tell me now? Why can’t you let me help you?”

“Because you can’t help me,” I responded quickly; simply. “It just is how it is, Garrett.” Our coffee was placed in front of us and I took a sip of it.

“Since when do you drink black coffee?” I shrugged, unsure of the answer myself. Molly had probably just forgotten to buy milk or sugar one day.

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We ate our food in near silence. The only noise was the clinking of silverware against plates—his and everyone else’s. It took me twenty minutes to eat one pancake, but Garrett being Garrett, sat there patiently as I cut the fluffy, starchy food into pieces, and smaller pieces, and then pieces even smaller than those, before eating them.

By the time we were ready to leave, we’d each gone through two cups of coffee, and I’d eaten three and a half pancakes and a small portion of the home fries that Garrett had ordered. He had eaten everything on his plate in about a quarter of the time I had taken.

“Ready?” he asked, after I had been sitting, staring at the remaining food on my plate for fifteen minutes. I nodded slowly. “Are you sure? If you want to finish, I’m not stopping you.”

“No, I’m sure. I’m done.” He nodded, paid and took my hand to lead me out of the diner—probably afraid he’d lose me since I was so “skeletal.”

“You ready to go home?” I shook my head quickly.

“I want to watch you guys perform. Come on, please?” He gave in and drove back to the venue.

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Their show had been incredible. I guess I’d missed a lot. They were so much better than the first few times I’d seen them. I was pleasantly surprised.

“We’re the Maine,” John yelled at the end of their set, “and thank y’all so much for watching!” I smiled, happy to see my best friends having the best time of their lives. Unfortunately, I was still stuck in a rut that I just couldn’t seem to get out of.

“You guys were amazing,” I smiled, throwing my arms around Garrett’s neck as he walked over to me. He was kind of sweaty, smelly and gross, but being as today was the first time I was seeing him in over a month, I didn’t really care.

“Thanks,” he laughed. He lifted me up and threw me over his shoulder.

“Garrett,” I warned. “Garrett, not funny! I hate heights. Garrett!” He laughed and walked back to the van carrying me over his shoulder. “Gar!”

“What?” he sighed, exasperatedly—joking of course.

“Put me down, or I swear to God I’ll kick you so hard that you’ll never be able to
reproduce!”

“Do you know how many times you’ve threatened that?” he laughed.

“Garrett!” I yelled.

“Fine, fine.” My feet were soon back against the pavement and the blood was returning to the rest of my body from my head. “Come on, I’ll take you home and then find my way back here somehow.”

“I can get myself home, y’know.”

“I know,” he laughed. He threw his arm around my shoulders and walked me to Molly’s car.

--------------------♥--------------------

When we got back to my house and walked upstairs together, we earned a clearly disapproving look from none other than Molly. She ranted behind us, sending phrases of disgust my way, in German of course. I can’t even tell you how many times she called me a whore. I rolled my eyes and pushed my bedroom door open.

“You should go to sleep,” Garrett advised. I rolled my eyes and folded a shirt that was draped over the back of my desk chair.

“What fun would that be for you?”

“It’d give me piece of mind. It’d let me think that just maybe you’d be able to manage like a normal person for the next three weeks.” I rolled my eyes.

“Gar, I’ll be okay. Granted, I’ll be better when you’re back for more than a day, but I’ll be okay.” I dropped the t-shirt onto my chair and climbed onto my bed, resting my head on Garrett’s shoulder. “I’ll be okay,” I whispered as my eyes fluttered closed. I tried to fight it, because I wanted to spend every second I could with him, but I couldn’t. Sleep took over, and his arms wrapped around me like they always did when he was here and I fell asleep. His embrace was comforting and burning, but the burning became a comfort in its own way. It meant he was there, even if only for a little while. He’d be gone in a few hours, but it’d be okay—I hoped.

I could feel him pull away from me in my sleep, and I could hear my heart--or what remained of it--pounding in my ears, begging him not to go. I didn't verbalize it or vocalize it, instead I let him go, drifting back to sleep.