Seventeen and Invincible

The three of us sat together in Molly’s car for an hour and a half. I still am not sure where Mia got the energy to cry incessantly for that entire time.

“I’ve gotta do it,” she concluded. “I can’t really just go through with this. I can’t really,” she paused. “I can’t really have a baby.” She looked down and placed her hand on her stomach and pulled it away quickly and sharply. “I can’t do this.”

“Mi, it’s your choice. Whatever you want to do, no one’s stopping you.” She looked down and shook her head, all of her choices and their consequences rushing through her thoughts.

“But what about John? Things are over and I can’t do this alone. I can’t do it without him. I’m not strong enough. I need him for this.” She pulled her long, dark hair into a ponytail and rested her elbows on the console of the car. “I’m just another statistic,” she sighed, “like Ariel. Except she isn’t alone.” I cringed at the mention of her name, but instantly silenced the venomous words crashing against my lips, trying to get out.

“Maybe,” he sighed, “maybe you should talk to John,” Garrett suggested. “I’m sure he won’t be an asshole about it. You guys broke up, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.” She shook her head and looked through me and out the window.

“I don’t know why, but he hates me. He was mad for some reason and just decided to end things. It’s almost like I did something to piss him off, but I can’t think of what. I don’t want him to yell. I don’t think I could take it.” Garrett rubbed her back and I pushed a flyaway piece of hair out of her face.

“He’s right, Mimi. You need to talk to him. If you don’t have the abortion, and even if you do, he has a right to know.” The words were burning holes through my brain.

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Mia refused to speak to John about it. She said that she couldn’t tell him. She thought he’d yell. So that left Garrett and I to convince John to talk to her.

“Why can’t she just come to me if she needs to talk to me about something?” he whined. I rolled my eyes and Garrett pushed him forward. “And why does it have to be right now? It couldn’t wait until she was done with practice?”

“Stop complaining,” I warned him. We shoved him through the doors of the high school gymnasium where, despite it still being summer vacation, girls’ basketball practice was held.

“I’m not complaining,” he sighed. “I just want to know why this couldn’t wait an hour for practice to end.” I rolled my eyes.

“John, I suggest you shut the hell up. It’s important and she thinks you’re mad at her and she doesn’t know why. So, you are going to go talk to her and you’re going to fix things, okay?”

“And what if I don’t want to fix things with Mia?” he asked, annoyance present in his voice. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked to Garrett. He could respond to this one.

“Just hear her out, because you just might need to fix things.” He rolled his eyes and turned around.

“And why the fuck would we need to fix things. There is no reason that things need to be fixed. Would it be nice if we could fix them? Yes, but it isn’t necessary, so why don’t the two of you work on your own problems before getting involved in mine.” He turned to walk away, but Garrett and I each grabbed one arm and pulled him back. “What?”

“Please, just go talk to her,” I sighed. “It really is important. Even if you don’t want to fix things, she needs to talk to you.” He sighed and turned around to face the basketball court again.

“Fine,” he conceded, “I’ll talk to her.” He took a few steps to reach the end of the bleachers and he called out her name. “Mia!” She turned sharply to look at him, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Mi!” I yelled, and so did everyone on the team and Garrett standing next to me. “Mia, turn around!” I shouted. John was about to approach her as a basketball hit her in the stomach. It was so perfect, it was as if someone had been aiming for her. She stood there shocked for a moment and then walked slowly away, toward Garrett and I, John following close behind.

“Are you okay?” Garrett and I asked as she walked next to us.

“I don’t know.” She walked into the hallway and I think I was the only one who knew, at that point, that she most definitely wasn’t okay. It was the way her eyes stayed wide and the one side of her face twitched every few minutes.

“Mia, they said you needed to talk to me,” John said as he stepped out into the hallway with her.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, her hand brushing against her stomach. He sighed exasperatedly and threw his arms up in the air.

“If it doesn’t matter, then why did I get dragged down here to talk to you?” She closed her eyes which meant she was trying to keep tears from cascading down her cheeks. “Why are you crying?” he yelled at her. She cringed slightly at the sound of his voice and opened her blood shot eyes.

“Because, it probably doesn’t matter anymore.” She turned to look at me wide eyed.
“Well what was it that it did matter so much?” He looked ticked off. He wasn’t quite mad, because he could never really be mad at Mia, but he wasn’t exactly happy to be talking to her.

“It doesn’t matter, John!” she yelled, then cringed at her own voice, placing her hand on her stomach and backing away from John and toward me.

“What’s wrong, Mia? What the fuck is going on?” It was only then that he noticed where her hand had been drifting to—gravitating to. “Did you get hurt?” he asked softly, completely missing the truth. She shrugged, backing up until she was in line with Garrett and myself.
“I don’t know. I-I’m not sure.” He reached out to her and she backed up.

“What’s going on? Why am I here?” She turned toward the wall and away from him. “Mia, if you need to talk to me, then talk. Otherwise you’re just wasting everyone’s time.”

“I can’t because you haven’t given me enough reason to not be afraid to say it,” she whispered. “You’re going to yell. And you know I hate yelling.”

“I won’t yell, I promise.” She turned back to him and glanced over her shoulder at Garrett and I just to make sure she still had our support.

“Just say it,” I whispered to her. She nodded, inhaled and looked down at her stomach.

“John,” she started and then stopped, toying with the hem of her shirt. “John. I-I-I-I’m p-pr-pregnant,” she stuttered. She refused to look up, as his features softened slightly and then hardened. His fists were clenched and he was going to yell. We all knew it.

“You stupid slut!” he yelled. I jumped back and Mia sobbed loudly. “You dumb whore.”

“Did you ever think for a second that I didn’t cheat on you?” she sobbed. “Did it ever cross your mind that I was innocent? Or did you just automatically deem me guilty?”

“Does it even matter now?” he asked bitterly. “Now we all know you’re guilty. We never had sex.”

“Did you ever think that I told him no? Did you ever think that maybe, just maybe he took advantage of me?” She sobbed and John rolled his eyes, ready to verbally attack her again. “Because he did. I tried to stop it from happening, but we were both drunk and I couldn’t keep fighting him off. I’m sorry, okay? It wasn’t supposed to happen. Especially not like that. I wasn’t supposed to lose my virginity fighting off one of your drunk ass friends on the floor of a bathroom at a house party. That isn’t how it was supposed to happen. I was drunk too, and maybe I led him on, but God, I didn’t want to have sex with him.” She closed her eyes and looked back up at John. “The only one I ever wanted was you, John. I never wanted him, I swear.”

“And why should I believe you? I found you in his arms at seven the next morning and you looked comfortable as hell.” She shook her head.

“I wasn’t. I promise, John. You have to believe me. I never wanted to hook up with him. I never planned on hooking up with Chris.” She put her hand on her stomach again.
“Well, why are you telling me about the baby? Shouldn’t you be telling him? Or your parents? Or some doctor at an abortion clinic?”

“You don’t get it!” she said sternly, angrily. She shook her head. “I never want to speak to him again. I went to an abortion clinic and I couldn’t go through with it. If I tell my parents, they’ll throw me out.” John’s features softened slightly. “I’m telling you, because I need you. I thought you’d protect me; I thought you’d help me.” She sniffled and finished with, “I guess I was wrong.”

“I will help you, Mia, if you need me. I don’t exactly relish the idea of fixing things with you so I can take care of some other guy’s baby.” She took a step forward to hug him, and he awkwardly placed his arms around her back.

“I need you, I can’t do this without you,” she whispered.

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She would find out, when John took her to the clinic for another attempt at going through with an abortion that afternoon, that she’d miscarried. She blamed it on being hit with the basketball, and for the basketball, John blamed himself.

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I won’t lie, I did cry for Mia and her lost child. Garrett calmed me down in the same way we’d attempted to calm Mia down when she’d found out, but in both cases it was to no avail—Mia because there’s no way to fix what she was going through and me because it hurt to not be able to help her. It hurt to see how much John blamed himself for her not having the option of choice anymore. It was almost like seeing the look on Garrett’s face when I showed up at the concert at a mere eighty-eight pounds.

These boys wore guilt and took the blame like it was going out of style.