Seventeen and Invincible

“So where to now Sparky?” he asked taking the last sip of his coffee. I shrugged my shoulders and finished my coffee as well. He eyed my plate noticing that half of my food was left. “Are you done? If you aren’t, I’m not rushing you.” I shook my head.

“No, no. I’m done. I’ve eaten enough.”

“You sure?” I nodded and pulled out my wallet. “No. Today it’s on me.”

“No, Gar, you don’t have to.” He shook his head.

“I want to. Now just deal with it, okay?” I laughed and nodded as he slid the money into the booklet. “Let’s go.”

“I have to pee first.” He laughed and nodded.

“I’ll wait in the car.”

“Alright.” I walked to the other side of the diner and into the pink-tiled bathroom. I didn’t actually have to go—I just needed a minute to myself. I looked in the water-splattered mirror and took in my appearance. My skin was smooth, my recent break out having disappeared while I was crying my eyes out in bed. My cheeks were slightly flushed even though I was freezing, accentuating my high cheek bones and the skin pulled tightly across them. My green eyes were dull. They weren’t sparkling the same way they used to. I was a mess. I was too thin, but when I was upset I couldn’t keep food down. It would probably be at least another week before my appetite was back entirely. I didn’t have an eating disorder or anything, I promise, it’s just that when I’m upset I get anxious and nauseous and I can’t stomach anything.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I read the message from Garrett. ‘You okay?’ I typed back a quick ‘yeah, be right there,’ and looked back up at myself in the mirror. I looked much more put together than I felt. I was a mess, but you could hardly tell. I just looked like me—green eyes, duller than usual, long dark auburn hair, and slightly tanned, freckled skin. I pulled my tank top down a little further and turned to walk out of the bathroom.

“You two make a perfect couple,” I heard someone say and I jumped. I turned to see the waitress standing a few feet away.

“Excuse me?” I asked in shock. I had thought I was alone in here.

“You and that boy you were with.”

“Oh,” I blushed, “we aren’t together; he’s my best friend.” She smiled a knowing smile and began washing her hands.

“Not yet.” I smiled weakly, pulled on my sunglasses and made a bee line for the door. I didn’t like Garrett and he didn’t like me. I hadn’t liked him since middle school. I hadn’t thought about him like that since freshman year. I didn’t like him because deep down inside, somewhere in the black hole I called a heart, I loved him. It wasn’t something I’d admit—not even to myself—but I knew it was true. It wasn’t something I ever planned on acknowledging, but it was still true. Everything that would be unacceptable with anyone else was perfectly fine with him.

“What took so long?” he asked as I pulled open the door of his yellow car.

“Oh, the waitress started talking to me. It was really weird,” I laughed. “She said we were a ‘perfect couple.’” He laughed in response and shook his head.

“What an imagination,” he laughed. I laughed along with him and didn’t let it show, but somewhere deep inside, some part of me was dying.

“I know,” I joked, “us together,” I rolled my eyes as if it would be the most ridiculous thing ever. The laughing eventually ceased and settled into a fairly comfortable silence.

“So, what are we doing now?” he asked. I thought quietly to myself tilting my head to lean on the window.

“How about we go get iced coffee and then go down by Salt River?” He shrugged and switched on his directional to turn into the Starbucks that just so happened to be right there. “How convenient,” I smiled jumping out of the car.

“I can’t believe you want more coffee,” he sighed. “You just had some.” I grabbed his wrist and dragged him toward the door.

“Well,” I began, “I had hot coffee. We live in Arizona. It is January 27 and it is ninety-seven degrees out. I would like iced coffee. Not to mention I am in desperate need of caffeine since this is the first time I have been out of bed for more than five minutes all week.”

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“The water is not cold Garrett, just put your feet in.” He shook his head and took a sip of his coffee.

“You’re freaking nuts for even touching it. It’s a freaking river, not an ocean.” I rolled my eyes and walked back over to him.

“Well, we live in Arizona, not California. So all we have is rivers. If we want ocean we have to head into So. Cal., or Mexico.” He sighed and checked the time on his phone.

“Well, it’s almost noon, so maybe we should find something else to do so that we don’t end up with skin cancer.”

“Garrett, we live in Arizona, skin cancer is in our destiny.” He laughed and handed me my coffee. “Alright,” I conceded, “Let’s go.”

“You wanna go home?” he asked scrunching up his face, making him look like one of Dr. Seuss’s Whos. I shook my head ‘no’ and walked back toward his car. “Then what do you want to do?” I shrugged taking a sip of the icy caffeinated beverage. “You gotta give me an idea.” I shrugged again and waited for him to unlock the car.

“I don’t know,” I sighed, “what do you want to do?” He shrugged and started the car. I reached over to change the radio station, his eyes on me the whole time. “What?”

“You do know anyone else would’ve gotten thrown out of the car for that.” I sighed and nodded.

“But I’m not everyone else, now am I?” He sighed, rolled his eyes, and backed out of the parking spot.

“You are definitely unique. I mean I don’t know of any other girls who would rather be pregnant than have their boyfriend break up with them,” he laughed. I shot him a quick glare and raised the volume on the stereo. I loved the song and the words just meant so much to me. They just rang so true.

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Meet Virginia
Well she wants to be the Queen
Then she thinks about her scene
Pulls her hair back as she screams
I don't really wanna be the queen…
Pulls her hair back as she scream
I don’t really wanna live this life…