Seventeen and Invincible

I had said goodbye to Jared first since he and I were the most distant. My goodbye with Jared was easy, quick, and fairly painless.

Goodbye with Kennedy was also pretty easy. In reality I probably got along with him better than with Pat, but Pat would just turn goodbye into a project. “We’ll make sure he brings you back soon,” he whispered as I reached up to hug him. “If he doesn’t, we will. Okay?” My response was a nod.

“If he doesn’t bring me back here soon, we’re going to have a huge problem,” I chuckled. I held onto Kennedy for a few seconds longer before I stepped away and kissed him on the cheek.

“I’m gonna miss you, kiddo,” he joked messing up my hair. I smiled.

“I’m gonna miss you too, big brother,” I laughed. He nodded and stepped back so that I could say goodbye to Pat next, knowing it would be a fiasco.

“Anika’s leaving us,” he pouted and attacked me, hair tucked behind his ears. “Ana’s leaving and not coming back.” I sighed as he hung from my neck like a small child. “Bad Ana!”

“Pat,” I sighed, wrapping my arms around him, “Pat, I don’t exactly want to leave.” He continued to hang from my neck in rat-Pat form.

“But you leave and make Garrett sad! It’s bad,” he screeched, letting go of me and running in a circle. I sighed and attempted to stifle a laugh. That kid was fucking nuts. “Ana isn’t coming back!” he yelled, running around the parking lot.

“He’s a little crazy this morning, huh?” John joked, coming over for his goodbye. I nodded and looked down at my feet.

“When isn’t he?” He nodded and let a small laugh escape his throat.

“Good point.” He started to laugh and then stopped, his expression becoming serious. “You sure you’ll be okay without Garrett?” I shrugged and looked up. “If you need him you can steal him for a bit. Halvo would be willing to go with us.” I shook my head and glanced over at Garrett.

I inhaled before speaking, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’ll be fine, John. Besides, I’m not Garrett’s responsibility. And he needs this. This is what he loves doing, and I’ll learn to get by.” I nodded, trying to make myself believe what I’d just said.

“You won’t try to, y’know, kill yourself again?” I shook my head and looked down at my wrist; at the bandage still covering the cut. “Good,” he sighed, “because you scared the shit out of all of us. Garrett,” he said, “Gar, I’ve never quite seen him like that. He was a wreck, Ana.” I nodded, looking back over at Garrett. “I think that if you’d died, that we would’ve lost him too. I don’t think he could’ve dealt with it.”

“I know,” I smiled, “he told me he was a mess. I saw what a mess he was when I woke up.” John nodded, following my gaze to glance over at Garrett.

“He loves you too, y’know. That boy would do anything for you.”

“I know,” I whispered, “I’m just not sure that we think of the ‘l’ word in the same context. I know he loves me though. And I know he’d do anything I needed him to. I know. And I’m grateful. I’m blessed to have someone like him.” John nodded, taking a sip from a bottle of water.

“He’s a good kid,” he laughed. “Do me a favor?” I nodded. “Don’t hurt him like that again. At least if you can help it. If you need help, just know that all of us are a phone call or text or email away, alright?”

“Thanks, John.” I looked down at my sneakers and kicked the broken up pieces of pavement. I squinted at the rising sun, looking back up.

“No problem. You’re a good kid too,” he laughed, messing up my hair just like Kennedy had, “I’m gonna miss you.” I nodded.

“I’m gonna miss you too.” I hugged him goodbye and then walked away, over to Garrett.

“Hey,” he whispered. He sounded tired and worn out, like he’d been awake for days.

“Hey,” I smiled back. “So.”

“So,” he sighed. “This is goodbye?” I nodded, feeling the tears well up in the corners of my eyes. “It seems so soon; it’s too soon.” I nodded, his arms wrapping around me.

“It is too soon, Garrett.” I buried my face in the material of the zombie shirt he was wearing. I felt his breath on my neck, and I felt his lips touch my collar bone lightly. “I don’t want you to go; I don’t want to go.” He nodded.

“I know,” he whispered, “I don’t want to go either, and I don’t want you to go away.” He rested his chin on top of my head for a second before moving to kiss the top of my head and my forehead. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.” I shook my head because I wasn’t ready either. “I’ll bring you home soon,” he whispered. “You’ll be back in Tempe soon.”

“I know,” I smiled tiredly. “I’ll be home soon. I’ll be back here soon.” I sighed loudly and wrapped my arms around him.

“Promise me you won’t do anything bad while I’m gone.” I nodded.

“I promise, Garrett. I’ll do the best that I can. I’ll talk to you every day. I’ll try. I promise.” I felt the tears slip from my eyes and I could hear them in his voice.

“When are you leaving?” he whispered. One of his hands was running through my hair and the other was still wrapped tightly around me.

“In thirteen days,” I sighed. “I’m gonna miss you, more than any of them, I’m gonna miss you.” He nodded. We were running out of words faster than time now. We had nothing to say. There wasn’t anything to say.

“Will you call me the minute you land in Germany?” I nodded. “Will you call me before you board?” I nodded. “Do you think we have time for one last cup of coffee together?” he asked, looking over at the Starbucks across the street.

“I think we can manage.” I smiled and slowly let go. His arm draped across my shoulder and held me to him as we crossed the street.