Seventeen and Invincible

The sunlight was burning my eyes. I was on my floor and my eyes felt like they were burning out of their sockets. I moaned and brought my hands to my face to shield my eyes. My head was pounding and I felt like I’d been hit by a truck.

“Here, I’m blocking the window, take this,” someone said, their arm outstretched toward me with a water bottle and two Advil. I nodded because I didn’t think I could form any words. I made a noise that resembled an ‘okay’ and sat up slowly. “Ani, come on,” the voice whispered, “I’ll help you up, give me your hand.” I shook my head, annoyed that anyone had the nerve to call me that. “Ani,” the person sighed lifting me into their arms. The callused finger tips traced across my arm, but I was too hungover; too exhausted to identify the person. I wanted it to be Garrett. I needed it to be Garrett.

I felt the blankets on my bed being pulled over me and I buried my face in my pillow as the person crossed the room to close my blinds and curtains in an attempt to darken my room. I closed my eyes and felt whoever was there lower themselves onto my bed and pull me into their arms.

I needed to believe that it was Garrett. I needed to pretend that he was here.

I snuggled in closer to this person, and drifted off to sleep, “Garrett,” slipping from my lips as I dozed off again. “Garrett, come back.”

“Shh,” I heard in reply. I could’ve sworn it was followed by “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere,” but that was probably just my imagination.

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It was dark. The entire room was pitch black, save for the LED display on my alarm clock. It was 12:26 a.m., and I was just waking up. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and tried to remember what had happened.

I could remember Garrett, or who I wanted to believe was Garrett, putting me in my bed and holding me. Or was that all in my head?

“Anika?” I shook my head, too afraid that it wasn’t Garrett to open my eyes. The voice was familiar. The voice was close and recognizable but it didn’t sound like Garrett. “Ani?” I shook my head.

“Who are you?” I cringed, sitting up, my legs bent at the knee and my head in my hands. He reached out to touch my arm, calluses scratching against my skin. I covered my ears, wanting to pretend for just a little bit longer that it was Garrett before all hope was shattered.

“Ani, it’s me,” he sighed. “Open your eyes.” I shook my head, cringing again. It couldn’t be Garrett. Garrett left. He was on tour having the greatest time of his life.

“It’s dark, I can’t see anyway.” My eyes flickered open, my pupils dilating in the darkness. “Say your name, I don’t just want an ‘it’s me.’”

“Evan. It’s me, Evan.” My eyes filled with tears and I stood from my bed, my legs barely sturdy enough to carry me. “Ani!”

“Don’t you dare call me that! Get out, please, Evan, just leave.”

“Where are you going?” he demanded, panic creeping into his voice.

“I’m going to take a shower. I expect you’ll be gone when I’m done,” I whispered, hearing him sigh and my mattress creak as he stood. He walked past me, through my door way, grabbing my wrist and holding it gently before he left. He placed a soft kiss on my cheek and was gone.

--------------------♥--------------------

My shower was long, the water as hot as it would get, steaming up my bathroom until condensation was dripping from the tile. The water cascaded down my back, washing away the aches and pains that had found their way in while I was sleeping in a crumpled heap on the floor.

My skin was bright red and I felt like I needed another shower just to cool off. My eyes were red from the tears that found their way to the surface again.

I threw my hair up into a messy bun and rubbed moisturizer into my skin. I dressed in only a large t-shirt that I was almost certain wasn’t mine. I wouldn’t have bought a shirt with a zombie on it, that’s what Garrett was for.

I had crawled into bed, hugging and holding onto my pillow like it had been another person and I was holding on for dear life. I just needed him to come back. He knew I couldn’t handle this right now. He knew how desperately I needed him.

“I was hoping you’d be asleep,” someone said from the door way, “but I heard that’s all you’ve done all day.” I squeezed my eyes closed and then opened them, trying to blink away tears. “Evan told me I needed to come back, and that was a few hours ago. He said he was me when he was trying to get you to go back to sleep.” I stared in disbelief.

“Why are you here?” I choked out. “Shouldn’t you be on a tour bus?” He laughed a little and nodded.

“Tomorrow’s show is two and a half hours away. Trey said he’d drive me. You need me and I shouldn’t have left.” He pushed himself off of my doorframe and walked toward me, sitting on the edge of my bed, pushing my hair out of my face. “I broke my promise to you.” I nodded, because it was no use denying the truth. “He said you were cutting.” I nodded again.

“I used whatever I could find,” I replied, my voice shaking and cracking. “I couldn’t not, Garrett. It hurt too bad.” I shook my head and felt the tears force themselves from my eyes again.

“I know,” he whispered, his thumb stroking my cheek, “I know it hurt, and that’s why I’m here. Even if it’s just tonight, maybe I can help.” I nodded, his touch burning my skin.

“You told Evan to come, how’d you know I call him?” I whispered, my voice still unsteady.

He shrugged, a glassy look about his blue eyes, “who else would you have turned to?”

“Mia?” I suggested dully. He tilted his head to the side, emphasizing his disbelief. “Just hold me, okay?” I whispered. “I just need you to hold me. No interrogations and no discussions, just make me feel safe.” He nodded as he stretched out next to me, his arms tangling around my waist, hands resting on my back.

"I'm sorry I lied," he whispered gently.

"You're here for right now. That's enough. It has to be."