Seventeen and Invincible

“Do you wanna go somewhere, do something?” he asked tiredly, softly into my hair. I shook my head and sighed. “You wanna just stay here all day?” I nodded, my arms thrown haphazardly around his neck while his were tucked so neatly around my small frame. “You don’t wanna go get coffee or anything?”

“Garrett,” I sighed. “Garrett, just shut up,” I laughed, pulling myself closer to him. He smiled and kissed the top of my head, tightening his hold on me. He sighed and rested his chin on top of my head.

“You really don’t wanna go anywhere?” I shook my head and laughed.

“No. Why? Is there some place you wanna go?” He shrugged and sighed, kissing the top of my head and rolling onto his back.

“Not really.” I adjusted my head on his chest and closed my eyes, being lulled back to sleep by the sound of his heart beating.

“What time is it?” I mumbled as I was almost asleep. He lifted his arm to look at his watch and he sighed.

“It’s almost noon.” I wrapped my arms more tightly around him and moved even closer to him. “Ani,” he sighed. He kissed the top of my head, and remained silent for a few minutes. I pulled myself away from him and stood to walk to my bathroom. “Where are you going?” I shrugged and picked up the folded towel resting on the back of my chair. “Anika.”

I sighed, turning to respond. “Garrett, just don’t.” I walked through the door and into my bathroom, closing and locking the door. I put the water on and turned the knob to make it as hot as it would get.

“Ani,” he called knocking on the door. “Anika, at least unlock it.” I shook my head but I knew he couldn’t know that. I sat down on the edge of the toilet seat, burying my face in my hands to try and muffle my cries. “Anika, please? Ani, I can hear you, please?” I shook my head again.

My head was pounding from the pressure of holding back tears. My eyes were sore from being rubbed so often. My throat was sore from all of the yelling and screaming.

“Anika, please,” he begged. “Let me help you, please just talk to me, Ani. Please?” I moved my hand from my face and let out a sob that made me shake. I couldn’t watch him leave again. It would just hurt too much. But I couldn’t ask him to stay again. That would hurt him. And I couldn’t do that. I’d hurt Evan, I couldn’t hurt Garrett too. “Ani.”

I stood slowly, throwing open the door to the now foggy, steamy, hot bathroom. He took a minute to process the fact that I’d opened the door. He sighed, throwing his arms around me, letting his shirt absorb the tears that continued to escape my eyes. He tried to comfort me as the sobs continued to wrack my body. “Oh, Ani,” he sighed, holding onto me like he was afraid he’d almost lost me again.

“I’m sorry,” I cried, moving my arms from their position, crossed in discomfort over my chest, and wrapped them around him. He shook his head and walked, dragging me with him, moving in sync, across the bathroom to turn off the hot water.

“You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s all me. I should have stayed.” I shook my head, closing my eyes and fighting back another sob. “I lied to you. I promised you that I’d stay if you needed me and I left anyway. I’m sorry. I know you need me, and I hate doing this to you. If I could make you forget me, I would, just so I wouldn’t have to see you like this. I’d miss you like hell, but you wouldn’t feel like this.” I shook my head, because it wasn’t true. If I forgot about him, I’d be missing a huge part of me.

“You came back, Garrett. You came back and that’s good enough.” He held me tighter and shook his head.

“No,” he swallowed hard, “no it’s not.”

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“Have fun,” I smiled weakly. I pushed my hair slowly behind my ears and pulled my sweatshirt over my palms. “I’ll miss you,” I added.

“I’ll try, and you know I’ll miss you too.” I nodded, reaching up for one last hug. “I’ll see you soon,” he smiled, giving my hands a final, reassuring squeeze. I nodded and looked down at my shoes. “You have fun too,” he whispered. “Make some new friends, let me know if you even wanna come back to this place. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you met someone who was a better friend to you in Germany. I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t want to come home. I’ve heard it’s beautiful over there.” I shook my head, looking up, meeting his eyes.

“I’m always gonna wanna come back here, Gar. It’s my home. It’s where you and everyone else I’ve ever known call home. I’m always gonna wanna come home.” He nodded and I glanced down at our hands, still together. “You’re my best friend and I love you. I’m gonna miss you like hell.” He nodded again and pulled me into his arms.

“I’m gonna miss you more.” I laughed silently to myself and wondered to myself if maybe, by some small miracle I’d be able to hear his heartbreak, because heartbreak was audible. I was more surprised to find that my own heart wasn’t shattering. Maybe I was letting go or maybe it was just too broken already.

“I really doubt that Gar. I really, really doubt that,” I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder and wrapping my arms around his neck. I stood up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek and then dropped down to flat-footed level. “Now go,” I laughed, “before I ask you to stay again.” He smiled, laughed, kissed my cheek and walked away. He looked back when he reached Trey’s car and I mustered up an almost believable smile.