Happy the Hard Way

Alex stares across the room, his small shoulders heaving as he breathes heavily. Jack stands opposite him, meeting his stare with hard, furious brown eyes. His chest heaves as he tries to steady out his breathing.

“Do it. Just say it.” Alex presses, his honey eyes glued to Jack’s darker, chocolate brown orbs “Just tell me it’s over.”

Jack stays silent, and the room falls into quiet, save for the men’s rapid breathing. He runs his tongue around his dry mouth and over his chapped lips. He knows he can’t.

“Just think, Alex. Think.”

Jack was playing some movie on the TV that Alex genuinely could care less about, but he didn’t care, because it was making Jack laugh.

They were under a blanket, on Jack’s ancient, dirty blue couch. Alex was nuzzled against Jack’s side, his arms around his waist under the flannel sheet. Jack had one arm around Alex’s shoulders and the other holding his hand beneath the sheet.

This was one of the few times that Alex didn’t mind silence. It was just, sort of, comfortable. He mainly didn’t mind because he was with Jack, and for some reason he found it impossible to be awkward around the younger.

“I love you Jack. You know that, right?” Alex announced, suddenly. Jack turned to look at him.

Alex stared up at the darker haired male and a huge sense of panic began to wash over him. He’d said it too soon; they had only been together two months.

Jack laughed, kissing Alex gently and smiling.

“Stop panicking. I love you too.”

Alex holds his stare as Jack walks over to him.

“Every other fight we’ve had, we’ve pulled it through and worked past it. Why isn’t this any different?”

“Because one thing leads to another and one fight turns into two, and I just can’t take it!” Alex replies “It’s a vicious circle, a landslide of shit that always screws up everything we try and do!”

Jack looks at him, and he sees a more broken boy than he first expects. Alex dares to look Jack up and down and sees an equally messy creation.

Jack doesn’t reply to Alex’s previous statement, instead pushing up the right side of his ostentatious, loudly printed tee to reveal dark bruises curving around his hips.

“You didn’t seem to think so yesterday.”

“Ever thought the bruising was intentional?”

Jack says nothing, lowering his shirt and flipping his dark brown bangs from his eyes. His hands slide into the pockets of the bright red hoodie he’s wearing; Alex is sure it used to be his before Jack laid claim to it.

“Jack. Say something.” Alex commands after almost five minutes of silence “Say anything. Say what you’ve never said before.”

“Alex.” Jack says, running a hand through his hair “You’re an idiot, but I still love you. You do stupid things, and I still love you. You make me cry like a little girl, but I still fucking love you! Would you just understand that? And all these times I’ve wanted to just end it, I know I can’t because it would break both our hearts!”

Alex stares at him, shock evident on his features. He never had any idea that Jack felt that way towards him. Not even after all these years.

Jack stared out over the sea from where he was perched on the wooden pier. Alex was seated beside him on the left, head rested on the younger’s shoulder. Jack’s arm was extended behind Alex’s back, and was holding his left hand tightly.

It was at least three in the morning, if not earlier, as the sun was struggling up from behind the horizon. Alex looks at Jack, then out at the calm, dark blue tinted sea.

Jack wasn’t really paying attention to anything or anyone that wasn’t Alex. A natural disaster could’ve happened, and Jack would neither have acknowledged it nor really cared.

The world may as well disappear when he and Alex are together.

As the younger pulled his boyfriend in for a kiss, he mumbled the words ‘There’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here.’

“Jack…” Alex says hesitantly, watching as the other male sits down on the couch “That was years ago.”

Jack sighs raggedly and buries his face in his hands.

“So?” He says, after what feels like forever “I still feel the same. If you don’t, just say. Instead of trying to get me to lie.”

Alex frowns, walking over to Jack and sitting down beside him. He feels bad - no, he feels terrible - having to say this to anyone, especially Jack.

“Maybe it’s just time to let go.”

Jack stares at him, his plump lower lip wavering and tears swimming in his chocolate eyes.

“Not that I don’t still like you; I mean, of course I do.”

“Shut up.”

Alex looks at Jack, and his heart drops to his stomach. The younger tries to stand, but gives up when a sob shakes his frame and he falls to his knees. Alex slides off the couch and kneels in front of Jack.

“I know goodbyes always hurt, but this is for the best.”

“Can’t we just try again tomorrow?” Jack pleads, looking up at Alex. He shakes his head.

“It would only make things worse.”

Jack starts to sob again, and Alex seriously regrets replying.

Jack hauls himself to his feet and tries desperately to compose himself, rubbing his already reddened eyes furiously.

“Love hurts sometimes.” He mumbles, more to himself than the other boy “But I didn’t know it was supposed to hurt this bad.”

Alex’s face falls. Jack glances over at him and blinks, a few tears that clung to his lashes falling and streaming down his flushed cheeks.

“I thought we had everything.”

“Maybe we did.”

Jack opens his mouth to respond, before deciding against it and shaking his head.

“How did we lose it all?”

Alex falls silent, trying to formulate a response that won’t make Jack worse.

But in all honesty, Alex has no idea how they lost everything their relationship was standing on. He doesn’t have a clue why Jack clings on to him and the failing mess that is their relationship.

Alex goes over to him and hugs him gently. Jack doesn’t hug him back. Instead, he buries his face in the crook of his neck and cries slightly.

“I love you, you know.” Jack says, pulling away from Alex and staring into his honey-colored eyes.

“I know.” Alex replies “But sometimes, love isn’t a good enough reason to stay with someone.”

Jack’s expression falters.

“Yes it is.” He responds quietly, hanging his head.

“Jack, I need to be honest with you, I know.” Alex says, his hands finding the younger boy’s waist “I do love you, and I do want to be with you, and I hate seeing you upset. But being with you isn’t good for me - for either of us. We’re just not happy anymore.”

Alex kisses Jack’s forehead in what he hopes is a comforting gesture and turns to leave.

He hears Jack fall to his knees and start crying, but he still doesn’t turn.

The door shuts quietly as he leaves and Jack looks up from the floor. Alex is gone.

He starts to cry harder, until he realizes that his departure means that Alex is happy now.

And that’s all Jack really cares about.