Never Ever Again

I went to bed that night feeling like complete and utter shit. Me,pregnant?! I couldn't even look after myself, never mind a baby. I hated babies anyway. All they did was cry.

And Oli hardly had a life that a baby could be brought into. He couldn't carry on touring as much if i had it. He'd have to stop getting drunk all the time and give up smoking completely.

I couldn't do it.

All evening I'd been thinking about my options.

"Yeh alrigh' Jess? Yeh very quiet tonigh'." Carol smiled and I gave her a small smile back.

"Yea, I'm fine.Just a little tired.I think I'm going to go to bed." I told her and she nodded.

"Alrigh' good nig' then." She said, and gave me a hug.

Ian kissed the top of my head,Stella gave me a hug, and Tom copied Ian's actions. Oli followed me up the stairs and into his room.

"Yeh alrigh' Jess?" He asked suspiciously.

"Yeah i'm tired, Oli." I told him, but he wasn't convinced.

"Yeh sure?" He asked again and I just looked at him.

"Righ' well i'll stay wif yeh 'ere." He said and began getting ready for bed.

One by one, the house got quieter, until everyone had gone to bed. I on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about this baby, and how it would destroy the Sykes family.

At 4am I decided that it'd be selfish if I forced Oli to be a dad.

I quietly crawled out of bed, and pulled my bags from underneath. I took all my things from the wardrobe and drawers, making sure i forgot nothing.I tip-toed into the office to get a pen and paper, but on my way back to my room, Stella caught me, on her way to the bathroom.

She pulled me in quickly and closed the door.

"What are yeh doin'?! " She whispered.

"I can't do this Stella." I admitted and realization flashed across her face.

"No, yeh can't leave Olleh!" She insisted, but I just shook my head, as tears began to fall.

"I have to." I told her and she looked at me like I was mental.

"No yeh don't! Everythin' will turn out fine!" She whispered.

"This will completely ruin Oli's life, if he finds out I'm pregnant. Oli's not ready to be a dad. I'm not ready to be a mum,but I'm not letting Oli give up the band for me.Look, i have to go Stella." I told her.

"Jess... fine give meh yeh phone." She said as she grabbed it and punched in her number.

She then took mine and handed it back.

"I'm going to ring you every day to check up on you." She insisted.

"Thanks Stella."

"Bye Jess." She said , and i went back to Oli's room to write the letter.

To Oli,

By the time you read this I will be gone. I can't tell you why, but trust me, it's better if I'm gone.

I can't begin to thank you enough for everything that you've done for me, but it really means a lot. Could you give the other notes to everyone for me,please? I never thought I'd be in this position but I guess I was wrong.

I love you so much, and that's why I have to leave. I'm sorry I can't tell you face-to-face that I'm leaving, because if i tried i know I'd fail miserably. I love you so much and I'll always remember how sweet and kind you are. The easiest way for me to do this is if you can promise not to ring or text me. I love you, and I always will.

Look after Carol and Ian for me please, and keep an eye on Tommy and Stella.

You Sykes' are a special bunch of people, and I'll never forget you!

Love forever,
Jess

I kept it short and sweet before moving on to doing separate ones for each Sykes and one for Stella too. I set the folded notes by the bedroom door and grabbed my bags. I looked at Oli's sleeping form and smiled sadly. I was doing the right thing though.

I quietly slipped out of his room, and down the hall to the stairs.

"Bye Jess!" Stella whispered, and I waved back, while the tears began to fall from my eyes. I unlocked the front door, and pulled my suitcase out onto the street. I locked the door from the outside so no-one would get in,and slipped my key through the post box.

I looked the the house one last time, before setting off in the direction of the bus and train station...