Don't Complain If You Can't Win

All that sounded on the drive home were the hiccups that escaped her mouth from the crying she had been doing. The radio wasn't turned on and no one was talking; all the focus was on her, even if he was driving and the other girl was facing forward. Courtney's hands rubbed Leighton's upper arms in attempt to calm her down the best she possibly could. The boy, Rian, and his girlfriend, Kara, sat in the front seat of his car not really knowing what to say but feeling more than sympathetic towards Leigh for their friends' actions just minutes before.

Rian nearly felt responsible for what happened and he knew he needed to apologize on their behalf, even if he knew they weren't or wouldn't be sorry, not even in the slightest most smallest bit. It wasn't in his friends' nature to feel bad about anything that they did, which was one of the main reasons why he felt so bad for Leighton at the moment. The other was because they didn't know her, and she never once did anything wrong to either of them.

"I'm, I'm really sorry about what happened tonight," Rian announced after Courtney told him to take a left at this street to get to her house; Leighton was to stay the night. "I feel responsible for what they did."

Silence enclosed the four again; Leighton's hiccups became more sporadic. She wanted to speak, but she didn't have the composure she needed to form all the words she wanted to tell him. Deep down she knew he wasn't the one that should be apologizing; Rian had done nothing wrong and had been the only one who, not once, said anything to torment her. Leighton didn't understand why he felt bad and felt the need to apologize. He wasn't the one responsible for making her cry, and Leigh wanted to tell him that. But as much as she wanted to, it didn't help the feeling that she couldn't get the words passed her throat.

The next few minutes were spent, still, in silence. Leighton gnawed on the inside of her lip making it turn raw from her teeth but she didn't care. All she wanted was to shut her eyes and sleep because of her rough day. In her head she counted to one hundred until she felt the car come to a slow stop and for once that night, she actually felt excited about something. Courtney opened the back seat door and climbed out, waiting for Leighton to slide over and exit the vehicle.

As she stood up out of the car, she peeked her head back in and caught Rian's stare who was looking back still with sympathy. "Thank you," Leighton squeaked out and cleared her throat as he nodded. "A-and you don't need to apologize for your friends." Those were the only words she could form at the moment, and even still she felt it wasn't enough.

Both Rian and Kara waved to the two girls as they walked up to Courtney's door before driving away and bouncing on the balls of her feet, Leighton waited impatiently until her best friend unlocked the door and pushed it open to get inside.

"Do you want to watch a movie or something?" Courtney asked softly as she set her keys down on an end table in the entrance foyer. She glanced at the time and saw it was only nearing eleven forty-five.

"No," Leighton announced, breathing in a sharp breath. "I just want to sleep."

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Her eyes fluttered open as the hot sun poured through her blinds when her mom forcefully pushed them open. She groaned loudly, pulling the blankets over her head and ignoring her mother's scoff. Attempting to pull off the comforter, Leighton held it even tighter in her hand's at her mom's attempts until she ripped it off with as much strength as she could muster.

"Leighton! Get up!" her mother told her and sighed heavily when Leigh groaned again and put her pillow over her head. "Get up! Get up!" she repeated and smacked her daughter's butt multiple times.

"Mom, go away!" she whined. "I'm tired!"

"Leighton, it's two o'clock in the afternoon on a Saturday. You're always up by now!" she pointed out. "You skipped the last day of school yesterday, and now you're being lazy again? What's going on?"

"Nothing, mom. I'm just tired; can you leave me alone now? And close my blinds?" All of her words were distorted from her pillow that was still over her head and from her mouth nearly being smashed into her mattress.

Her mom stood there for a moment, not moving and not saying anything, leaving Leighton under the impression that she had left and because of that, she popped her head from under her pillow and pulled her blanket back over her body and over half of her face as she tried to fall back into the slumber she had just been in.

"Courtney called," she announced, making Leigh's eyes shoot open but not turn around. "Why didn't you tell me about these boys, sweetheart?" her voice sounded hurt and sympathetic.

"I didn't think it was that important for you to know," she mumbled.

"If it's affecting you, then it is important. Is that why you didn't want to go to school yesterday?" Her mom sat at the edge of her bed and put her hand on Leighton's shoulder.

"No, I was just really tired; Courtney and I didn't get much sleep," she half lied. "Now can you go? I'd really like to sleep some more."

"Okay, honey. Courtney's coming over in a bit, just so you know," her mother walked out of her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Leighton sighed heavily, not really wanting to deal with anybody right now. She constantly told herself that those ignorant boys do not matter to her and that she shouldn't take their crude comments so seriously. Even after she consistently says that, she turns around and lets their words hurt her. Her weight had never been an issue for her; she loved herself and who she was until that very first day she got made fun of. Little by little, she began to get uncomfortable and she decided to do something about it.

She hated to admit that Alex, Jack, and even Zack had gotten to her. She hated to admit that after it all, she couldn't help but still like Zack in some sort of platonic way. But he had a hold on her somehow, and she couldn't break loose. Leighton wanted Zack, and she knew for a fact he didn't want her. Therefore she hated to admit that changing wasn't solely for her own purpose, but to please those around her, but mainly to please Zack.

"Leighton?" she heard about a half an hour later with a knock sounding seconds before. She heard the door knob twist and the door being pushed open, but still she didn't acknowledge her friend entering her room.

"Hey, Leigh," Courtney said with her voice slightly soft. "I thought I'd come by since you didn't go to school yesterday and haven't been taking my calls..." she trailed off.

Leighton remained silent, praying in her head that she'd figure she was asleep and just leave, but Courtney knew better than that. She knew her friend was trying to fool her because she knew Leigh all to well.

"Leighton, I know you're not sleeping," her voice started to turn hard as she called her out. "I'm not a fool, so you can just answer me now."

"What do you want?" she more demanded than asked as a question.

"I want to talk," Courtney stated and pulled the computer chair out from the desk and slid it across the floor. "Why are you moping?"

"Who said anything about me moping, Courtney?" Leighton asked, still not moving from her spot on her bed under her covers.

"You didn't go to school, you're still in bed; you're moping. You have got to stop and put the past behind you! How many times do I have to tell you that they're not worth your tears?" Courtney's voice rose because she wanted to get through to her best friend. Nothing had seemed to work and she became frustrated. "Seriously Leighton, get up and go do something. Let's go to the mall, or hell, let's go to the gym! I'll do anything you want as long as you get up!" she stood up and smack both hands on Leighton's side.

"Courtney stop!" she finally sat up. "Maybe I don't want to do anything! Maybe I just want to stay in bed all damn day! I just don't want to be bothered!"

Courtney's eyes hardened as she stared at Leighton staring back. "You cannot let what happened to you the other day get to you. Those boys are assholes; why are you so upset about it more now than you have been before?"

"Because I was finally changing and it didn't do anything!" Leighton screamed. "I lost weight; I was bettering myself, and still they managed to break me down!"

Silence enveloped the two with a coat of tension in the air. Leighton's chest was rising and falling quickly as she let her eyes fill with tears she wouldn't let fall. Courtney just sat there staring at her friend with a blank expression as she was motionless while she gathered words she wanted to speak.

With a heavy sigh, Courtney shook her head as she got up from the chair. "You have to change yourself for you and only if you want to. Other people's opinions and crude comments shouldn't matter, Leighton," she told her slowly and softly.

"It's easier said than done, Court," Leigh replied.

She shook her head and started walking towards the room door where she came in from. "Then call me when you're ready to be yourself again. I don't care how long it takes; I just want my friend back," Courtney told her sadly and walked away, closing the door behind her.