Suffocate

"Hey sweetheart, it's your mom. I was just calling to see what you planned on doing this weekend. I have the week off of work and was wondering if maybe you'd like to drive down here to Portland and visit, maybe bring your boyfriend. I want to meet him. "

Pause.

"Also - I spoke to your father. We need to have a little chat. Call me back when you get this."

Click.

I chucked my phone across my bedroom, and it landed on my mattress. Mom's been calling every couple of days, trying to get a hold of me. I just haven't been able to bring myself to speak to her, because who knows what I'll say to her. Of course, I wanted her to know that she was going to be a grandma, but I wasn't ready to tell her just yet.

"Sarah?" Dad called from the bottom of the stairs. "Come down here please."

I pulled the front of my shirt out to stretch it out a little, in attempt to hide my baby bump. Brenda knew - of course she knew, she was the one who had to take me to the doctor. But Dad didn't - I made Brenda swear in the car not to tell anyone.

Dad was sitting in the recliner when I came down, and he didn't look too happy. Brenda avoided my eyes, and instead looked at her hands in her lap. "Sit down," Dad commanded, and I did.

"What's this about?" I asked apathetically.

He held up a baby's rattle, and a pacifier. I stared at them for a moment, trying to keep a straight face. "Your mother came home from the dollar store with these today."

"I think she's trying to send you a message, Dad," I replied. "Your wife wants another baby."

"Cut the crap, Sarah," Dad snapped. "You act like I'm totally oblivious to what's going on under my own roof." He threw the rattle at me, and it hit my shoulder. "From now on, Jacob isn't allowed to be here unless you two are under supervision. You're not allowed to be out past midnight and I'm forbidding you from spending more than three hours at Jacob's."

"Dad, you can't do that! I'm almost nineteen for God's sake." I jumped off of the couch and threw the rattle back at him. "You're acting like sex is such a taboo thing." I turned to Brenda. "Good job, Mom."

"I can do whatever I want, Sarah. I'm your father." Dad stood up and grabbed my arm. "You're not going anywhere until I'm done speaking with you. Sit your ass down!" My heart raced as he threw me back onto the couch. "I hoped you wouldn't make the same stupid decisions as your mother, but she had a constant influence on you so I suppose it's not that unreasonable."

I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand.

"Shut up. You knew that this was going to have consequences, had you told me upfront or not."

"Sarah," Brenda sighed, "I'm so --"

"What the hell were you thinking, young lady?" Dad interrupted, not even taking notice Brenda was trying to speak. "I honestly thought that you had higher standards, but instead you've proven yourself to be a stupid, immature little slut." I glared at him, absorbing his words. They cut pretty deeply, and soon my eyes started to get misty.

"Tim, you shouldn't talk to her like that," Brenda said.

"Oh, be quiet. She needs to learn from her mistakes. Sarah can't even take care of herself, so why should we allow her to raise a child? I won't do it for her." He began to pace - something I'd seen him do only when he's incredibly angry. I looked at Brenda, and she frowned.

"You're being irrational, Tim," Brenda said softly. "Everyone makes mistakes. Hers were just more shocking."

I stood up with a huff, and stepped toward the staircase. "I'm not giving away the baby, Dad. I'm not going to abort it, either, because I have morals. Just because I'm eighteen years old doesn't mean that I'm immature and irresponsible."

There was a large blur of motion, and then a smack filled the whole room. My cheek was stinging heavily a moment later.

"Tim!" Brenda scolded, jumping up off of the couch.

I stormed up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door so hard that the walls shook. Spending a week at Mom's was starting to sound like a much better idea than it had fifteen minutes ago. I just needed to talk to Jacob.

*

"Sare - what are you - what happened to your face?" Jacob took my bags from me and slipped his arms around my waist. "What happened?"

"I, um," I sighed. "My dad happened."

"He hit you?!" Jacob growled, and I pressed my hands against his chest, hoping to calm him. "I'm gonna kill him. I swear, Sarah, if he touches you again..."

Then I probably shouldn't tell you he called me a slut. "No, Jake," I whispered. "I don't want to bring you into this."

"Has he hit you before?" There was more genuine concern than anger in his eyes now.

"No."

Jacob sighed, and pressed his cheek against the top of my head. We were quiet for a long time, until my phone started to ring. I already knew that it was going to be from Dad, so I pressed ignore, and then nuzzled my face back into Jacob's chest. "It's really late," he whispered into my hair.

"Yeah, I know," I said. "Don't make me go back there."

"Hon, you can't stay here. It's almost two in the morning." Jacob let go of my waist, and stepped back to look at me. "My dad wouldn't be too happy if he found you here when he wakes up."

"Please? I'll sleep on the couch," I begged. Just as long as I didn't have to go home, I was ok with sleeping on the floor (although, it wasn't good for the baby). I batted my eyelashes at him, and stuck out my bottom lip like a baby. "Please?"

He sighed, and without a word, led me inside after pushing my bag out of the way. It felt as though I hadn't been here in ages, but really it had only been a few days. There were various articles of clothing on the floor, wrinkled and in balls. Just like there always was.

"You're not sleeping on the couch, by the way," Jacob said. "You can have my bed. I'll sleep out here." I stared at him, confused.

"Oh, come on, Jake."

"No, I'm serious." He led me through the dark living room and hallway to his bedroom. The whole room smelled like him, and at first it was a little overwhelming but it didn't take long to get used to. I lay down on his bed, my eyes heavy, and realized how tired I really was. Jacob situated himself next to me, and ran his fingers through my hair over and over again. Then my mind went blank.