Suffocate

"Do you ever wonder it would be like if you hadn't become a werewolf?"

It was late, probably around one in the morning. I had been staring at the ceiling for a while now. My mind was restless, and it'd been keeping me awake. Jacob let out a tired sigh, and rolled over on his side closest to me. "Why aren't you asleep?"

I wiped my hair out of my face and yawned. "I'm not tired."

"Hence the yawn," he mumbled. "No, I don't. Not really."

I looked at him, curious. "Why not?"

"Why are you asking so many questions?" He whined, pulling the pillow up over his face. I laughed quietly, and took his wrist. "I want to go to sleep, Sarah." I leaned over and kissed his cheek. After dinner, the three of us had sat down in the living room and watched The Lord of The Rings, complete with soda and candy. Then Mom went to bed, so Jacob and I took advantage of the time we had alone. I wanted to sleep, too, but I was selfish. So, if I wasn't sleeping, neither was he.

"No, I'm curious," I said, taking his arm and throwing it over my shoulder. His skin was warmer than usual, or maybe it was just because I was freezing underneath just a sheet and thin blanket.

Jacob shifted his weight, until he appeared a little more comfortable. "I wouldn't have you if I was still human. I don't like thinking about it."

"Says who?" I pulled myself over him.

"Says fate. Embry and Liz wouldn't have begged you to go to the bonfire, and we both know that that first bonfire was what really started all this." He rubbed his eye and looked at me. "There wouldn't be a reason for us to be together."

I sighed, and fell onto my back. Within minutes Jacob was asleep and I was still wide awake. The back deck sounded inviting, so I pulled on some clothes and quietly padded downstairs. It was very quiet, something I wasn't used to.

The cushion of the metal chair was damp when I sat on it, and the air was cold. It was refreshing to be out here by myself, where no one could find me. I listened to the crickets, to the owls, and to the bats screeching over my head. The pond fountain that was situated beside the deck created a calming sound. I still can't figure out why I think about it, but the sounds of water made me think of Peter.

"This'll only take ten minutes. I promise." Peter's eyes sparkled in the sunlight. "I just want to show you something." He took my hand and led me down the boardwalk, glancing over his shoulder every so often. My stomach was doing flips and twists, and it almost felt like I was going to be sick.

"Where are we going?" I asked, throwing my hair over my shoulder. It was hot, and I was regretting not putting it up now.

Peter smirked as we turned a corner. "Don't worry about it, sweetheart."

He led me down onto the sand and towards the dock, where I remembered seeing him hang out with his friends before. We ducked underneath the wooden planks, and the temperature dropped considerably. It was almost a different atmosphere. We sat down on the sand, and I looked at him. His dark, wavy hair fell into his eyes, and he smiled. "So what's up?" I asked, digging my fingers into the cold, damp sand. "I mean, why are you so interested in me?"

Peter dug through the sand for a moment, before holding a giant sea shell in front of me. "I found this the other day, and thought of you. You can have it."

He laid it in my lap, and I blushed. "Thank you." I brushed my fingers along the grooves of the shell, admiring the colors. "I, um, I need to get back to my friends," I said.

"Yeah," Peter replied, "you probably should."

We stood up, and walked quietly out from underneath the dock. He snatched my hand and threaded our fingers together. I carried my new sea shell carefully in my other hand, holding it against my stomach.

"Thanks for coming," he said as we neared the arcade.

I smiled meekly, my face burning slightly. "Thank you for the shell."

Peter stared at me for a moment, and then leaned forward until our lips touched. His lips were soft, and I reacted quickly, kissing him back a little bit harder than intended. When he pulled away, we looked at each other.

"I'll see you at school Monday, then?" Peter asked, letting go of my hand.

"Yeah," I replied. "See you."

Eyes closed, I pinched the bridge of my nose in annoyance with myself. I couldn't continue to focus so much energy on the past. I had Jacob, and he was all I was ever going to need.

I sighed, and made my way back into the house. The sliding door closed with a thump behind me and I could hear the clock ticking as I climbed the stairs. Jacob was sound asleep , curled up on his side. His hair had grown longer with the last year, and his bangs touched his eyebrows now. It was strange to think about his hair being short now. I lay on my back, more than ready to fall asleep. Reaching over, I brushed Jacob's hair out of his face and closed my eyes.

*

"Is that everything?" Mom asked as I lugged my bag down the stairs.

I took a deep breath, and let it out with a huff. "Yeah, I think so." Jacob smiled at me, and lifted the bag off of the floor with one hand. "Show off," I muttered, following him through the front door.

"You can't say that having a huge guy for your boyfriend doesn't come with benefits," he replied. He threw the bag into the back seat of his VW Rabbit and closed the door. A smile crept onto his lips and I made a face.

"I didn't say it doesn't. But geez." I circled around the car to open the passenger side door. "Just because I'm a little weak doesn't mean I can't lug my own bag out of the house."

Jacob sighed, and shook his head. "Sarah, don't think you're leaving without a goodbye!" Mom shouted from the front porch. I frowned, and made my way back over to her, where I gave her a gentle hug.

"Bye, Mom," I said against her cheek. Suddenly a cramp spread through my lower abdomen. "Oh, geez," I whimpered. It felt like I was being stabbed a thousand times, or something sharp was pressing against my muscles but not daring to pierce them.

"You alright, Sarah?" Mom asked, helping me stand up again.

My muscles twisted, contracted, and did a whole other bunch of tricks and I found myself unable to move. Something trickled down my legs. "Oh, shit." Jacob took a sharp breath. "Sarah?"

No!!

Mom stared at me, and my eyes misted so much I could hardly see her. "Sweetheart," she whispered, cupping my face, "we need to take you inside and --"

God hates me.

"--get you some water and new clothes." I couldn't breathe, and nothing I did helped me stop myself from crying. "You're having a miscarriage," Mom whispered.