I Think I'm...
I think I'm... depressed
Why would I be depressed you may ask.That is a hard question to answer. I guess it's because I have no reason not to be.I'm not some emo kid wishing i was dead for no reason, I have plenty of reasons.My dad was depressed so why cant I be.When my dad found out my mom was cheating on him he did what any other depressed person would do, he killed himself, right in front of me.I was 15 then and by the time I was 16, I was addicted to heroin.I had to miss a year of school to go to rehab and now I'm a 18 year old Jr in high school and living with the man whos fault it is my dads dead, Andy.
Speaking of school though, it sucks too, but not as much.I get picked on because I'm gay which doesn't really bother me but it sucks that the person that picks on me most is my boyfriend.His name is Chad and if he sounds like a d-bag its because he is.Yeah, Im dumb enough to date a in the closet star football player.The only time were a couple is in gym class when we sneak into the locker room to make out.I'm just another skeleton in his straight boy closet.
It's the first day back from Christmas break and i'm in that famous locker room I was talking about.I'm pushed up against the lockers and Chad is running his sloppy kisses all over me.I don't know why I'm with him it's not like we have sex and if we did it would most likely be as sloppy as his kisses and be over in 3 minutes.I sighed and turned my head as he was about to push him lips against mine.
"Uhhhh, what the hell is wrong now Guy,"he shouted.
"Nothing I'm just not in the fucking mood,"I shouted.
"I don't care if your not in the mood, I am,"he said pushing me up against the locker and attaching himself to my neck.
"Stop it,"I yelled and pushed him off."we have been sneaking around for months and you told me you would come out of the closet over the Christmas break,but you didn't."
"I'm not sure I'm even gay.maybe I'm just bi, I like girls too you know."
"Yeah, I know. ever girl in this school knows cuz you banged them all.Even people who are bi have to come out sometime.Maybe they don't come out of a closet, maybe they get something bigger like a house but they have to come out of it,"I yelled.
"What the fuck ever,"he yelled and left.
I changed my clothes and sat in the locker room waiting for class to be over.Once everyone came in to change I left the room.I wasn't in the mood for the "wrong changing room" jokes.I went into the gym and saw Dirk walking in the hall. He saw me and walked in the gym, i could smell the smoke coming off of him.
"Don't you ever get tired of skipping class to smoke?"
"Don't you ever get tired of going to class?"he replied and then sat down next to me.
He never really cared if he got caught for skipping and he never did.Dirk has been my friend for years and was the only person who came to vist me in rehab, my mom didnt even really come more than once or twice.
"Are we hanging out with the Jewster after school," Dirk asked.
"Haha, ya Julia is going to meet us at my house cuz she gets her little brother from his school."
Julia and Dirk were honestly the only reason i didn't kill myself. Dirk seemed hard but when it came to Julia and me,he was sweet.He was their for me when i came out to my other friends and when my dad died. Julia's a different story though, shes more of my little sister that i happen to get along with.They are my only true friends but i like it that way.
The bell rang letting us know class was over so dirk and I went to my locker.I grabbed my bag and we were on are way out when I got soccer punched and pushed against a locker.dirk helped me up while i caught my breath and I saw Chad laughing with his friends.The only time he was ever violent or abusive to me at school was after a fight between us.His friend think it's just him picking on me but i know hes just being an ass because we argued.I never let it get to me though so dirk and I just walked out of the school and to my house.
Dirk and I just played video games until Julia came in with her little brother.her brother was 14 and kick ass at video games so i liked him.
"Whats up Andrew," Dirk and i yelled at the same time. Andrew came over, took Dirks controller and within seconds I was dead.
"No fair,"I shouted.
"You boys are so dumb,"Julia sighed.
"Aww do you wanna play Jew,"Dirk replied.
"Not on my life,"she smiled. Julia walked into my kitchen which is connected to the living room, so we could all see her as she started going through my fridge.
"What the hell are you doing,"I yelled.
"Looking for food, why the hell do your parents hate you,"she laughed.
"I could list many reasons, why do you ask."
"Because you only have meat, whats a vegan gotta do for some food."
"Well I eat meat so I don't find it as bad as you do."I smiled and watched her sigh and pull an apple out.
"So how are you and your girlfriend,"Dirk asked Julia.
"I don't swing that way, only in you dreams," she replied.
"Oh my god, will you two just bang and get it over with,"I yelled and Andrew gave me a high five.
"I have tried, trust me,"Julia sighed sitting on the sofa next to me.
We all started to laugh until the front door came open. Andy came in with a smile on his face and greeted us all.Everyone replied except me and Dirk.I talked to Andy as little as possible and for all i cared it was his and my moms fault my dad's dead. Andrew and Julia left soon after Andy showed up, the lucky bastards.Dirk staid around for dinner though for dinner. I needed him here because I'm coming out to my mom and Andy tonight.
Speaking of school though, it sucks too, but not as much.I get picked on because I'm gay which doesn't really bother me but it sucks that the person that picks on me most is my boyfriend.His name is Chad and if he sounds like a d-bag its because he is.Yeah, Im dumb enough to date a in the closet star football player.The only time were a couple is in gym class when we sneak into the locker room to make out.I'm just another skeleton in his straight boy closet.
It's the first day back from Christmas break and i'm in that famous locker room I was talking about.I'm pushed up against the lockers and Chad is running his sloppy kisses all over me.I don't know why I'm with him it's not like we have sex and if we did it would most likely be as sloppy as his kisses and be over in 3 minutes.I sighed and turned my head as he was about to push him lips against mine.
"Uhhhh, what the hell is wrong now Guy,"he shouted.
"Nothing I'm just not in the fucking mood,"I shouted.
"I don't care if your not in the mood, I am,"he said pushing me up against the locker and attaching himself to my neck.
"Stop it,"I yelled and pushed him off."we have been sneaking around for months and you told me you would come out of the closet over the Christmas break,but you didn't."
"I'm not sure I'm even gay.maybe I'm just bi, I like girls too you know."
"Yeah, I know. ever girl in this school knows cuz you banged them all.Even people who are bi have to come out sometime.Maybe they don't come out of a closet, maybe they get something bigger like a house but they have to come out of it,"I yelled.
"What the fuck ever,"he yelled and left.
I changed my clothes and sat in the locker room waiting for class to be over.Once everyone came in to change I left the room.I wasn't in the mood for the "wrong changing room" jokes.I went into the gym and saw Dirk walking in the hall. He saw me and walked in the gym, i could smell the smoke coming off of him.
"Don't you ever get tired of skipping class to smoke?"
"Don't you ever get tired of going to class?"he replied and then sat down next to me.
He never really cared if he got caught for skipping and he never did.Dirk has been my friend for years and was the only person who came to vist me in rehab, my mom didnt even really come more than once or twice.
"Are we hanging out with the Jewster after school," Dirk asked.
"Haha, ya Julia is going to meet us at my house cuz she gets her little brother from his school."
Julia and Dirk were honestly the only reason i didn't kill myself. Dirk seemed hard but when it came to Julia and me,he was sweet.He was their for me when i came out to my other friends and when my dad died. Julia's a different story though, shes more of my little sister that i happen to get along with.They are my only true friends but i like it that way.
The bell rang letting us know class was over so dirk and I went to my locker.I grabbed my bag and we were on are way out when I got soccer punched and pushed against a locker.dirk helped me up while i caught my breath and I saw Chad laughing with his friends.The only time he was ever violent or abusive to me at school was after a fight between us.His friend think it's just him picking on me but i know hes just being an ass because we argued.I never let it get to me though so dirk and I just walked out of the school and to my house.
Dirk and I just played video games until Julia came in with her little brother.her brother was 14 and kick ass at video games so i liked him.
"Whats up Andrew," Dirk and i yelled at the same time. Andrew came over, took Dirks controller and within seconds I was dead.
"No fair,"I shouted.
"You boys are so dumb,"Julia sighed.
"Aww do you wanna play Jew,"Dirk replied.
"Not on my life,"she smiled. Julia walked into my kitchen which is connected to the living room, so we could all see her as she started going through my fridge.
"What the hell are you doing,"I yelled.
"Looking for food, why the hell do your parents hate you,"she laughed.
"I could list many reasons, why do you ask."
"Because you only have meat, whats a vegan gotta do for some food."
"Well I eat meat so I don't find it as bad as you do."I smiled and watched her sigh and pull an apple out.
"So how are you and your girlfriend,"Dirk asked Julia.
"I don't swing that way, only in you dreams," she replied.
"Oh my god, will you two just bang and get it over with,"I yelled and Andrew gave me a high five.
"I have tried, trust me,"Julia sighed sitting on the sofa next to me.
We all started to laugh until the front door came open. Andy came in with a smile on his face and greeted us all.Everyone replied except me and Dirk.I talked to Andy as little as possible and for all i cared it was his and my moms fault my dad's dead. Andrew and Julia left soon after Andy showed up, the lucky bastards.Dirk staid around for dinner though for dinner. I needed him here because I'm coming out to my mom and Andy tonight.