I Think I'm...
I think I'm...hurt again
"Guy,Guy," Beck yelled and I looked at him."I'm going to go change ok. You can make yourself comfortable."
"I would be fucking day dreaming," I sighed as I sat onto his sofa. I thought about the last time I was in his house, on this sofa naked. "The next time I'm naked in this house I better be having a very good time," I said to myself. I got up and started looking through his cds seeing we liked a lot of the same bands. I continued to look around but when I herd him coming I sat back down on the sofa.
"So why are you here," Beck asked sitting next to me.
"I came to give you these I guess," I said handing him his clothes.
"Thanks, and why else are you here?"
"You know when you kissed me?"
"The time in the locker room?"
"No, the second time."
"Yes, what about it?"
"Well you said that you kissed me because you think im cute and a good kisser."
"Ya and?"
"And did you mean it?"
"Yes."
"Ok good, so do you think we can go out some time?"
"No,"he said with no feeling or thought.
"Ok sorry, i just thought you liked me."
"I do."
"So whats the problem."
"You have too much going on, you just got rapped and you need to focus on school."
"I'm fine and it summer break which means no school."
"Ok but you start up again next week. If were together I want it to be for longer than a week."
"Then we can be together as long as you want."
"No we cant Guy, "he yelled getting up.
"Why not," I yelled back in tears.
"I'm no good for you."
"Don't tell me whats good for me, I think I would know that.I think your good for me," I said getting up and hugging him.
"I cant do this,"he pulled away."I can't see you hurt again."
"What?"
"The first and second time we met you were hurt or getting hurt. I don't want to see you hurt because of me."
"Well that sucks for you."
"Why?"
"Because i'm hurt right now and its all your fault,"I yelled and started to walk out.
"Wait guy,"he grabbed my hand."I don't want you to be hurting."
"Why don't you want to be with me.
"Your so stupid."
"How am I stupid right now."
"I want to be with you so bad but I don't want to see you sad when it doesn't work out."
"Well your the biggest fucking idiot I have ever met."
"Oh really."
"Yeah."
"And why is that."
"Because you say you don't want to see me hurt but you cant see that i'm hurting without you," I said and started walking out of his house.
"Guy wait."
"What," i yelled full of rage.
"Just let me walk you home, it's getting late."
"Whatever," I mumbled and we walked the whole mile to my house in silence.
To him it was probably awkward silence but for me it was angry silence. When I'm with someone I get hurt when I'm without that someone I still got hurt. now I'm wanting someone new and I'm still getting hurt. All of this walking was hurting my ribs and Beck must have noticed.
"Get on my back."
"No," i yelled.
"Just fucking do it," He yelled back and I sighed and got on. Now even i felt the silence was awkward. It's hard to be mad at someone when they are giving you a piggy back ride.
"I like your boots," Beck finally spoke about a block from my house.
"Thanks i like your cds."
"Oh you looked through my stuff huh," he said setting me on me door step.
"Well you broke my heart, so now were even."
"Guy I'm.."
"I don't want you to say sorry."
"Ok,"he sighed and started walking away.
"Hey Beck,"i yelled at him
"Ya."
"I know the real reason you wont be with me."
"And what is that."
"Your just not gay enough to handle me right."
"Not exactly, "he sighed and turned to leave again.
"Ok do you want to know the real reason."
"If you think you know it."
"Your scared."
"What."
"Your scared of what people with think right.your scared of what will happen in the future when people see you dating me, right?"
"You actually know something after all but you forgot one other thing im scared of."
"Whats that."
"You."
"I would be fucking day dreaming," I sighed as I sat onto his sofa. I thought about the last time I was in his house, on this sofa naked. "The next time I'm naked in this house I better be having a very good time," I said to myself. I got up and started looking through his cds seeing we liked a lot of the same bands. I continued to look around but when I herd him coming I sat back down on the sofa.
"So why are you here," Beck asked sitting next to me.
"I came to give you these I guess," I said handing him his clothes.
"Thanks, and why else are you here?"
"You know when you kissed me?"
"The time in the locker room?"
"No, the second time."
"Yes, what about it?"
"Well you said that you kissed me because you think im cute and a good kisser."
"Ya and?"
"And did you mean it?"
"Yes."
"Ok good, so do you think we can go out some time?"
"No,"he said with no feeling or thought.
"Ok sorry, i just thought you liked me."
"I do."
"So whats the problem."
"You have too much going on, you just got rapped and you need to focus on school."
"I'm fine and it summer break which means no school."
"Ok but you start up again next week. If were together I want it to be for longer than a week."
"Then we can be together as long as you want."
"No we cant Guy, "he yelled getting up.
"Why not," I yelled back in tears.
"I'm no good for you."
"Don't tell me whats good for me, I think I would know that.I think your good for me," I said getting up and hugging him.
"I cant do this,"he pulled away."I can't see you hurt again."
"What?"
"The first and second time we met you were hurt or getting hurt. I don't want to see you hurt because of me."
"Well that sucks for you."
"Why?"
"Because i'm hurt right now and its all your fault,"I yelled and started to walk out.
"Wait guy,"he grabbed my hand."I don't want you to be hurting."
"Why don't you want to be with me.
"Your so stupid."
"How am I stupid right now."
"I want to be with you so bad but I don't want to see you sad when it doesn't work out."
"Well your the biggest fucking idiot I have ever met."
"Oh really."
"Yeah."
"And why is that."
"Because you say you don't want to see me hurt but you cant see that i'm hurting without you," I said and started walking out of his house.
"Guy wait."
"What," i yelled full of rage.
"Just let me walk you home, it's getting late."
"Whatever," I mumbled and we walked the whole mile to my house in silence.
To him it was probably awkward silence but for me it was angry silence. When I'm with someone I get hurt when I'm without that someone I still got hurt. now I'm wanting someone new and I'm still getting hurt. All of this walking was hurting my ribs and Beck must have noticed.
"Get on my back."
"No," i yelled.
"Just fucking do it," He yelled back and I sighed and got on. Now even i felt the silence was awkward. It's hard to be mad at someone when they are giving you a piggy back ride.
"I like your boots," Beck finally spoke about a block from my house.
"Thanks i like your cds."
"Oh you looked through my stuff huh," he said setting me on me door step.
"Well you broke my heart, so now were even."
"Guy I'm.."
"I don't want you to say sorry."
"Ok,"he sighed and started walking away.
"Hey Beck,"i yelled at him
"Ya."
"I know the real reason you wont be with me."
"And what is that."
"Your just not gay enough to handle me right."
"Not exactly, "he sighed and turned to leave again.
"Ok do you want to know the real reason."
"If you think you know it."
"Your scared."
"What."
"Your scared of what people with think right.your scared of what will happen in the future when people see you dating me, right?"
"You actually know something after all but you forgot one other thing im scared of."
"Whats that."
"You."