Now I'm Left Here With the Memory of the Best and Worst Thing I'll Ever Love

It had been a month since I had broken up with him. And I regretted it with every fibre of my being. I should have just gotten over the long distance thing; I could always visit him on tour when I got the chance. We’d been making it work for a little over a year. But I had to let myself get paranoid and ended the best thing I had going for me.

What surprised me was how calm Steven sounded when I called him to end it. He told me that he understood, and that he would support any decision I made. I cried for hours after we hung up, it was probably the hardest thing I had ever done. It was a miracle I had managed to keep myself together on the phone.

Before when Steven went on tour, there was just a dull ache. Something I learned to tune out by working, painting, or reading. But now that I knew he wasn’t coming home to me the dull ache was an aggressive, painful, throb in my chest. It just wouldn’t leave me alone.

Steven was everywhere I looked. I couldn’t forget him, life just wouldn’t let me. Whenever I turned on the radio Fright Night would be on. When I walked down the street, there were posters. It didn’t really help that I worked in a store that sold comic books, records, and other music paraphernalia.

I had just gotten home from work. I switched up my tight jeans for some shorts, and grabbed my pint of chocolate fudge brownie ice cream. My plan was to watch He-Man while I ate my amazing ice cream, and wallowed in self-pity.

Steven had definitely moved on. He probably had some perfect blond, blue eyed, large chested, beauty the moment we hung up our phones. A model or something. I couldn’t compete with girls like that.

I was kinda short, five foot three. I had black hair, which almost always looked like a mess, or I guess they were calling the look ‘Glam.’ It just kinda happened with my hair, because I could never really be bothered to brush it. And my eyes, oh god my eyes, they were creepy. I inherited my fathers’ mismatched eyes, the left was bright blue, and the right was dark brown.

My life didn’t seem to be going anywhere either, I had been working in the same place for five years now. Sure I was trying to get into a good art college, but I’ve had people tell me it’s hard to get accepted for a 20-year-old. It was a wonder Steven hadn’t broken it off with me earlier.

I sat on my couch and shovelled a spoon full of ice cream into my mouth, as I found the channel He-Man was on. I could help but like the show. It made me laugh more then a comedy, but at the same time I could take it seriously.

It wasn’t 15 minutes into the cartoon when an excited knocking came from the front door of my little apartment. I knew who it was, and I knew she would let herself in eventually. So I stayed in my spot and continued to spoon ice cream into my mouth.

“Why don’t you ever answer the door?” Daisy asked as she came and joined me in the living room.

I looked up at her, “you know you can just walk in, so there’s no point.”

She gowned and rolled her eyes, “right, we’re not going through that ‘there’s no point to life’ thing again, are we?”

I quirked an eyebrow, “I was unaware I went through a suicidal stage.”

“Well you did,” she laughed. She suddenly started happily bouncing in her seat, and grabbed my arm in excitement, “but I know how to cure you!”

I turned my attention back to the TV before mumbling; “I bet you do.”

She frowned at me and grabbed my ice cream, “you really need to stop eating so much of this, you’re gonna get fat. Now go get dressed. I’m taking you out!”

There was no arguing with this girl when she decided to take you out. She would drag me into my room, dress me herself, and then drag me down the street if she had to. So I got up and put what I was wearing earlier back on. I wasn’t going to get dressed up. I could agree with getting dressed, not dressed up.

Daisy looked a little unhappy about my appearance, but she knew I wasn’t going to budge on this one. It was enough that I was actually letting her take me somewhere. I hadn’t left my house for anything other then work. My mum had actually been bringing me food. She knew how much I loved Steven, and how long I’d liked him. Steven and I had been friends for a while before we actually started dating.

“I guess that’s alright for where we’re going,” Daisy took my hand and led me to the door.

“Where are we going?” it was just dawning on me that she hadn’t said.

I locked the door and followed her to her car, “you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I don’t like the sounds of that,” I mumbled as I climbed in.

Daisy gave herself a quick once over in the rear view mirror, and fluffed her light brown hair. Once she was happy with it she started the car. I rested my head against the window and closed my eyes. Soon the magical sounds of The Beatles filled the car, making this escapade a little better… but not much.

The drive was quite apart from the radio. We’d been driving for a good hour or so, probably longer. I had almost fallen asleep when Daisy announced that we were here, wherever ‘here’ was.

I kept my head against the window and didn’t open my eyes until we were parked. There were a bunch of vehicles all around us, and a large building. There quite a few people in a line right outside the buildings front doors, and even more just walking around, or sitting by their cars.

My immediate thought was that Daisy had brought me to some kind of seminar for depressed people, but then I noticed the sign on the front of the building. My heart jumped up in my throat, how could she do this to me?

“A Fright Night Concert!” I glared daggers at Daisy, “You Brought Me To A Fright Night Concert! Are You Out Of Your Mind? Take Me Home!”

Daisy just laughed it off, “no chance, we’ve got backstage tickets… and I think this’ll be good for you.”

I continued to glare at her as I calmly, yet menacingly replied, “take me home. Now.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes, “just come in with me, we can hide away until the boys play, and then we can rush off when their set ends. Deal?”

I crossed my arms and glared out the windshield, “I’ll wait in the car then.”

“Please stop making this harder then it has to be,” Daisy wined.

“No! You’re the one who’s making this hard,” I cried, “I’m trying to get over Steven. Not make myself even more depressed. I don’t want to chance upon him and some random girl. Daisy,” tears were starting to well up in my eyes, my voice grew quieter, “I couldn’t go through that.”

Daisy’s determined look softened to a more understanding one, “I know. And I also know that Steven’s not going to be with anyone. And if you really want we’ll sneak around like ninjas so you wont have to see him at all.”

I could tell that she wasn’t going to let me win this, and this was probably the best offer I was going to get. I sighed in annoyance. Why did Daisy always have to get her way?
“Fine… you have to promise that I wont –wait a second… how do you know that he wont be with someone?”

She grinned devilishly, and opened her door, “I was talking to the guys, how do you think I got the tickets?”

“That’s got to be breaking some kind of friendship law,” I groaned as I got out of the car and stretched.

“Talking to Steven would be breaking one of the biggest friendship laws,” Daisy giggled, “talking to his hott friends isn’t though.”

I rolled my eyes as she linked arms with me. We walked to the back entrance and went in. people were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, making sure everything would run smoothly. I remember when I was one of them, running around making sure the guys would sound good at gigs.

“I don’t see him anywhere,” Daisy said just loud enough for me to hear, “let’s go scout out a good place near the stage.”

I didn’t even have a chance to respond. Daisy was dragging me behind her. She was keeping watch for Steven; I knew she wouldn’t break that promise. Daisy was trustworthy, like a good friend should be.

It didn’t take long for Daisy to get us to a spot she liked. We had managed to not run into anyone on our way there. I was quite pleased. I was also pleased that I had come up with a genius plan. I would tell Daisy that I needed to use the washroom right as Fright Night go on stage, and I’ll lock myself in until they finish. Sure it would be a long time to be locked in a bathroom, but it was for the best.

The whole place was starting to fill up with people. Everyone was rushing towards the barrier so they could get the best view of the bands. There were two bands opening for Fright Night. I didn’t really remember who they were, but I hoped they would be good, or this was a complete waste of time.

Daisy was clearly boy watching. She was practically drooling over a tall roadie who was moving some equipment. It was comical to say the least. I knew Daisy would have loved to have ripped his clothes off and done him on the spot. But as outgoing as she was with me, she was really shy when it came to boys. You wouldn’t think that if you saw her though. She expressed how she was feeling though her clothes.

It wasn’t much long after everyone was piled in the area that the lights went out, and the first band took to the stage. They were pretty good, noting spectacular, but good. As was the band after them, their singer really knew how to work the crowed though. That was definitely going to be good for them.

There were 15 to 20 minute intervals between sets, so the roadies could do their thing. It also gave me plenty of time before I had to go lock myself in a bathroom. Daisy seemed beyond thrilled with the show. She was practically beaming with excitement, as if this was the first time she was going to see the boys play, and hadn’t grown up with Steven.

“Excited?” she asked as she went back to boy watching for the third time tonight.

“Oh,” I said with fake enthusiasm, sarcasm just dripping from every word, “I’m positively thrilled!”

Daisy’s smile faltered for a moment as she shot me a sideways glance, “you don’t have to be such a Debbie Downer, ya know.”

I crossed my arms and shook my head. I stayed silent, and she went back to watching roadies. I wasn’t completely sure when a good time to make my escape would be, but I was thinking of making it soon. My stomach was in knots, and my heart was pounding. I decided to focus on my feet to try and calm myself down.

Before long the crowed erupted in screams, and the strumming of a guitar could be heard. Panic froze my body as Steven's voice filled my ears. My eyes snapped to the stage, and landed immediately on Steven. Why wasn’t I running off like I had planned? I knew deep down I wanted to see them play. I wanted to torture myself. I deserved to be miserable. And watching Steven, knowing that I wasn’t going to get a big sweaty hug after, was definitely one way of getting there.

The only point that my attention was taken off of Steven, was when Sonny stumbled in front of Steven and almost knocked them both over. Sonny was a pretty heavy drinker, so that really came as no surprise. Other then that my eyes were locked on Steven.

I wanted nothing more then to run away, but I couldn’t. My feet were anchored to the floor. The butterflies in my stomach were so bad I felt like I was going to be sick. My knees were week. I just needed to get out side and sit down.

The moment Steven looked in my direction I felt like I was going to pass out. He continued to sing, but kept looking at me. He looked confused, but happy.

I couldn’t take it, I ran away. I ran like a scared little puppy with its tail between its legs. I pushed past people, not caring if they fell or collided with someone else. I needed to get away. Tears started to blur my vision. Why was I so stupid?

I didn’t stop running until I got outside. I closed the door and slid down the wall next to it. I sat with my head against my crossed arms, which were propped up on my knees. I should never have let Daisy convince me to go in there. I knew better. I knew I would stay and watch them play. I knew I wouldn’t leave. I wanted to see Steven.

I heard the door to my right open. Daisy. She was going to get an ear full on the way home, let me tell you.

“I cant believe you convinced me to go in there!” I cried into my arms, “you and your stupid ideas!” I started to raise my head up slowly, “I could kill you ri-“

I was cut off by soft lips being pressed against mine. I surprisingly found myself kissing back. My eyes closed, and I just let everything wash over me. This has to be some kind of fantasy; I had cried myself silly and passed out or something. But the two strong-arms that pulled me closer tolled me differently.

The kiss was short, but very sweet. My stomach was in knots once again. I couldn’t form words. It was all I could do to keep myself from crying again. I just looked into Steven’s soft green eyes as he wiped the tears off my face.

“So,” I cleared my throat, “what does this mean?”

He shrugged and smiled softly, “whatever you want it to.”

I looked down at my lap.

“I realise how hard it is for you to stay home while I’m on tour, Chelsea. You know I’d never dream of cheating on you. You can trust me. But I know how hard it is to be away from me, I feel the same being away from you. So I understand if you don’t want to give this another try… I just want you to know how much I care for you.”

Tears started to well up in my eyes once again, happy ones this time. I nodded my head, “there’s nothing I’d like more then to give us another try.”

Steven's smile reached his eyes as he pulled me into a tight hug, “thank god… I was a bit of a wreck with out you.”

I giggled as he squeezed me tighter, “me too.”