I Used To Be Beautiful

What I Used to Be

I Used to be bloody and bruised,
but now I am hugged and smiled at.

I used to be afraid of a monster,
but now I realise it was not fear, but dedication.

I used to hate life,
but now I see its purpose.

I used to wish I would forget,
but I know I need to remember so I can grow.

I used to fight for my life,
now I listen to and help others fight for theirs.

I used to be scared people would see the blood and the scars,
but I should have told them everything they didn't see before it was too late.

I used to want it all to end,
but I know it has just begun.

I used to fake emotions,
but now I am starting to feel.

I used to think I was a failure,
but I realise those I have 'failed' have failed me.

I used to have no self-esteem,
I know I haven't any still.

I used to think I was forever damaged,
but I know I am healing.

I used to think my desire not to fail the monster saved my life,
but I now realise it was the music.

I used to never talk to anyone about my feelings,
I still don't,
but instead of talking it out,
I sing it out.

My motto used to be lie and survive,
Now it's stitch it up and sing it out.