I Used To Be Beautiful

I don’t understand anymore,
My head is spinning is circles and
My lungs are grasping for air.
Please I need some guidance in this life,

Did I do what’s right?
Let him go back to that place of purgatory?
Or should I have fought for him to be free?
I’m so confused, I hate this feeling.
I am helpless.

They told him it would change,
But I know the truth.
It is only a matter of time before,
Before the abuse starts again.
How many tears must I see from him before he can be free?

I have prayed, prayed so long,
But am I praying to deaf ears?
Once I think he’ll be happy,
He is dragged back.

The school lied,
The police lied,
Everyone is lying and I can’t make sense of it!
What can I do in this confusion?
I don’t understand, because I used to know.
I used to know when he would be safe.