I Used To Be Beautiful

I used to fall.

The ground below seems so far away, yet so close to home that it scares me. It makes my heart pump faster, blood filling my veins. If only the blood could pour out of me, through the incisions on my hip. Or arm.

But no.

No, I am far too afraid to do that.

I'm far too afraid of others' suspicions.

So I just fall. I float, I fly down.

Meanwhile, the waves crash beneath me, taunting me. Threatening me with their wrath of darkness.

I never used to be this way.

Every time I think of Austin, my world both shatters and shines in fear. He broke me, yet he can make me better again at the same time.

He is the only one who can erase, or numb me anymore.

And I need to numb the pain.

I used to fall.

And I'm still falling...

I used to cry.

And the tears still pour down...

I used to swim through it.

But now all I can do is drown...