Field of Corpses

Christian woke up to his dog barking. He didn't open his eyes, but he was awake. He didn't want to wake up though. He wanted to stay asleep, and keep dreaming.

"Oh yea," Christian said aloud groggily. "I had the weirdest dream. I didn't know where Gloria was, and I was trying to find her," he said opening his eyes, slightly smiling, "I meant I couldn't find you."

Then he realized Gloria wasn't in the driver's seat next to him. Instantly, he got worried and started to panic.

He looked in the back seat, but all he could see was Gloria's backpack full of weed. He looked outside the car, but he saw nothing.

Did Gloria just leave him?

He knew he could never actually find love like that. Ever since his previous relationships, his mind was fucked, and he believed he didn't deserve anything. Especially not a girl willing to do anything for him, even if she was dead.

Not knowing what to do, he closed his eyes and started to cry.

Being alone for even the first few minutes even felt a bit strange for me, after being stuck in a car with Christian for a couple days. I got used to it quickly though; I could tell as soon as I was able to sink into deep thought. I couldn't exactly do that when my mind was on Christian sitting next to me the whole time.

Now everything was just quiet. It was relaxing, even as my mind constantly trailed off into thoughts I hated. In a way, it just made it easier to think that way, instead of optomistically like it had been the past couple of days.

The thoughts were enough to bring the self-insecurities back, but they never got to the point. There was still something positive keeping my mood on the good side, even if I was paying more attention to the worse.

I was thinking things I used to whenever I was feeling down about myself, like how I didn't deserve anyone. It was clear to me once everyone started dying, and I was, and still am, the slowest one to die. I always had the idea, back when I was alive, that everyone started leaving me, but as I started dying, it got worse.

Maybe everyone saw the sign I was dying, and they knew to ditch me. They saw my depression, and they knew of my miserable heart. Somehow, they had to have known it would lead to death, especially after the rumors that zombies actually did exist, and they were coming. No one believed them but me, but I was dead enough, so of course I did. So, in a way I could never blame them.

There was aslo the feeling of never being loved, or even wanted. I was always left out of things, dying or alive, and I was usually included last. Everyone hated me alive, and even more so as I started dying. They didn't care about my mental health, they only focused on how 'emotional' and 'bitchy' I was. Only a few actually cared when I started to die, and before long, they all died too.

Again, my mind traced back to Christian; he was the odd one out from everyone I have ever met, or come across.

For reasons unknown to me, he swore he thought I was beautiful. He's the only thing showing signs of staying by me. Christian seems to actually show interest in my happiness, and he gave me the feeling of love, clear back to when I saved him.

In a way I believed we were destined to find one another. Yet again, I believed he put a curse on me; A curse I enjoyed, but still unescaplable. The curse was to start feeling important once again, and to actually do things I forgot were possible. Like smiling, and laughing; before he came into my death, I didn't even remember existed.

Along with all the things he's already done, he's made me hopeful again, instead of giving up. He came on this journey with me, and now I have something to live for.

I stopped thinking for a moment once I realized I was smiling. for some reason I grew paranoid thinking Christian was going to walk up and see me smiling. It felt like a game to me, trying not to let him have the satisfaction of seeing me smile, and have it be because of him. I didn't want him knowing he was my reason of smiling, and it was to avoid him knowing how pathetic I was; already thinking I was in love.

I forced my smile away, and glanced around where I was witting. It was actually very beautiful around where I was. It was actually getting bright outside, but from where I was sitting, it was still dark, because of all the trees. They cast a shadow over me, making me feel like I was in a sort of cave.

I decided to head back, and not only because of my weird-excitement to see Christian. I also felt the need to check on him. I had a strange fear I was going to head back to the car, only to find it surrounded by zombies, breaking into the windows.