To Katmandu

My story starts on January 12, 2010.

Yes, 2010.

I'll let you in on a little secret, the first time around- I didn't know Gerard Way in 2004, nor in 2002, and especially not in 2001. So how did I end up in his dedication?

OK well, let me ask you this. What if you could rewind time? Go back to moment where things were right… Would you do it? Would you take it? Sounds like a joke right? I mean that’s what I first thought too. A junk email mixed amongst the spam. You can find anything and everything in your inbox- promises of love, of wealth, of happiness… So the title wasn’t exactly eye catching. “Unhappy with your present situation? Need a change.” And I did. My life wasn’t what I thought it would be.

I was almost 30 years old. Working at a job I hated, living in a town I hated, and I didn’t even know how I ended up here… Life is funny like that. You think you got it all figured out and then you wake up one morning and realize you don't know shit. You look in the mirror and don't like what you see and what do you do? Is it too late to change? Is it even worth it anymore?

I wasn’t even sure why I opened that message, or clicked on the link inside… I guess I was curious. I figured it would be some kinda spam for maybe viagra or one of those get rich quick schemes, cause we all know money buys happiness…

But it wasn’t. It was a blank page except for one small box in the center with a blinking cursor. There was a small disclaimer underneath. Some thing about it being for personal use only, and results may vary… Across the top were some tabs, Help, FAQs, and sign out which was funny cause I never signed in.

I was going to hit the back arrow, you know back out of it before I caught a freaking virus or something, but there was a horrible glare on the screen from the overhead lights in Starbucks. I didn't enjoy the coffee so much I was more there taking advantage of their free wireless network cause God knows I can’t afford to pay for it. And as I reached to tilt the screen forward a little- I knocked into my coffee cup with my elbow hard enough to topple it.

“Aw God damn it!” I cried out as I desperately reached for something, anything, to clean it up. I hadn’t even put a dent in the credit card I used to pay for the laptop yet and I'm already spilling shit on it… Some people looked over but no one offered to help.

I continued to curse to myself as I cleaned it up. It wasn’t that bad. No damage was really done except for the fact that I had seriously stained up my brand new white hoodie, which I hadn’t really paid for either yet. And now it was ruined from using it to sop up the over priced coffee, which too came courtesy of my friends at Mastercard… Well, they weren’t gonna be my friends much longer, that was for sure.

There was now a puddle of coffee on the floor, the table was kinda sticky and my hoodie was crumbled up in a ball pathetically in the corner…. Just great…I mean its starting to snow and now I have no coat…I sat back down and I guess I accidentally hit the enter button or something cause this error message was now up on the screen…

‘Your request can not be processed as follows.’

‘Please correct the following errors before submitting again.’

‘Please enter date in MM/DD/YYYY format’

‘Please enter location’

‘Please enter time’

I sighed a little as I tapped my fingers on the keys. Ah, whatever… I typed in the date. 01/12/2010, and I was at Starbucks, route 3 in Clifton NJ mmm, I think the zip is 07014, I wasn’t sure, but I typed it in anyway…And the time? I don't know…

“Excuse me do you have the time?” I lean over and ask the woman next to me. She sorta smirked as she glanced at her watch.

“Its 9:10” She says and I forced a smile at her as turned back to my screen.

9:10 a.m I type in and then I realize I could’ve just looked at the little clock on my screen, but whatever. She was a few minutes behind but I wasn’t gonna backspace it out and correct it. I hit the enter button and my computer monitor went black for a second.

Holy shit! I broke it! I don't believe this!! Was is the coffee, was it a fucking virus? I went to bang on the keyboard but it came back up. The same screen, except the error message was gone. Instead there was another message.

‘Transmission successful…”

What the fuck did I just do? The thoughts ran through my mind. I hope I didn’t just order anything cause I don't have the money to pay for it. I shifted in my seat a little and I felt something up against my back… It was my sweatshirt. It was hanging on the back of the chair, but it was dry…

It wasn’t stained, it wasn’t wet, it wasn’t anything. I jumped up from my seat in panic and looked around. My coffee cup was still on the table. There was no puddle on the floor, no sticky crap on the table. My shirt was dry, the coffee wasn’t spilt and the time on my computer screen read 9:10 a.m…

There was no way that this was real… I mean I did not just travel back in time. Or did I? I sorta laughed to myself but just like when I spilled the coffee no one noticed. But then again, I did not actually spill the coffee, now did I?

My mind was racing… a million possibilities rushing through all at once. It was like the world was at my fingertips. I mean literally at my fingertips. I could type in anything I wanted. Any date, any time and go back a live it again… Live it differently…

But what date? What time? When was the exact moment my life went to shit? I couldn’t quite pinpoint it… I mean maybe when Kenny and I broke up? Could I go back and fix it? I mean that was a few years ago. From what I've heard he's doing okay now… He's got a job and shit but I'm not sure… Is that really what I want to do with my life?

And then some laughter caught my ear. It was a few teenaged girls at the next table, squealing over something on their phone.

“Oh my gawd he is so hot!!” One of them squealed, and the others followed suit.

“I would totally date him.” Another one says and they all laughed.

“He would not date you Sara, I mean maybe if you were ten years older-“ A third voice says,

“Or he was ten years younger!” The first voice sorta screeched. “Oh my gawd, if I knew him back then I would totally have dated him.” She says and they all continued to giggle along as the sounds of ‘welcome to the black parade’ emitted from their phone.

And that’s when it hit me… Why am I setting my sights on Kenny Newman, when I can have Gerard Way…

It would be so easy… Go back to before he was famous and merge myself into his life. I could make him fall in love with me. I know I could… It would be almost easy…