To Katmandu
Look at me now
I looked up at him. My voice was rather calm which was weird cause I was freaking out inside.
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work Kat?” He asked giving me this distrustful look and I blinked a few times before answering him.
“Uhhh no, personal day.” I shrugged and he shifted his weight a little as he looked at me. Shit. This was 1999. Kenny and I were dating. And judging by the goatee on his face, this was right around the time we started to get serious. I know this cause that was the first serious demand I made of him, to shave the damn thing off and he did…
“Oh well you should’ve called me.” He shrugged as he sat down next to me on the bench. He leant over and pecked my cheek lightly and suddenly this shockwave passed over me. I was flooded with memories that I didn’t have before.
Echoes of conversations that were familiar and strange all at the same time…. Him saying something about me never being where I said I would be. Me saying I didn’t know what he was talking about. Him saying I owed him money and me denying it. The voices were pounding in my head and I stood up gripping at my temples. It was just too much for me to take.
“You okay there?” He says reaching for me and I pulled back.
“Yeah. I just… my head hurts.” I tell him and he looked me over a bit concerned.
“Well, come on back to my place, I’ll get you some aspirin.” He declared standing himself now and I panicked. I couldn’t go back to his house! I mean I can’t be here with him. What if ‘I’ was to call him while ‘I’ was with him??
Fuck how many of ‘mes’ were there? What would happen if I would run into me? Would the world explode? God! It felt like my head was gonna explode!
“No I cant’!” I cried out and as I said it more memories flooded me. Something about me running off on him all the time… Fuck. I had to get out of here. I was fucking with my past or my present or my future or something…
“Kat.” He tried to reason with me but I couldn’t…
“No, really. I'm fine I just…um.” I stammered. “You think I could borrow some money Kenny? I know it’s weird and all but I'm kinda in a jam and-.” I started to babble and he motioned for me to stop. “I’ll pay you back.” I tell him as he reached for his wallet but I knew I wouldn’t… We argued about this actually. It was one of the reasons we ended up breaking up…
He said I was a ‘taker’. That I was using him, for like money and rides and things but I wasn’t. I mean I didn’t. Not then. I mean I am now, but not then. Fuck. My head was throbbing once more. I took the money Kenny was holding out for me without even looking at it and shoved it into my pocket.
“Mmm thanks Kenny. But I gotta run.” I tell him. I had to go somewhere where I had no chance of running into anyone I knew till I could figure out what was going on… The only place I could come up with was the library. No one I knew in 1999 would be caught dead there.
“We’re still on for tonight right?” He calls out after me and I nodded.
“Uh yeah of course.” I tell him but I had not a clue what he was talking about. I ducked around to the parking lot and crouched down behind a large van.
Okay mmm let’s do tomorrow May 11th, 1999. 9:30 am. NYC public library I start to type but then backed it out. You couldn’t bring food or drink in the library and I needed coffee. I barely drank any before with Gerard….
On a whim I changed NYC Public Library to Barnes and Nobles. It was like a library, in a way… wasn’t it?
“Aren’t you supposed to be at work Kat?” He asked giving me this distrustful look and I blinked a few times before answering him.
“Uhhh no, personal day.” I shrugged and he shifted his weight a little as he looked at me. Shit. This was 1999. Kenny and I were dating. And judging by the goatee on his face, this was right around the time we started to get serious. I know this cause that was the first serious demand I made of him, to shave the damn thing off and he did…
“Oh well you should’ve called me.” He shrugged as he sat down next to me on the bench. He leant over and pecked my cheek lightly and suddenly this shockwave passed over me. I was flooded with memories that I didn’t have before.
Echoes of conversations that were familiar and strange all at the same time…. Him saying something about me never being where I said I would be. Me saying I didn’t know what he was talking about. Him saying I owed him money and me denying it. The voices were pounding in my head and I stood up gripping at my temples. It was just too much for me to take.
“You okay there?” He says reaching for me and I pulled back.
“Yeah. I just… my head hurts.” I tell him and he looked me over a bit concerned.
“Well, come on back to my place, I’ll get you some aspirin.” He declared standing himself now and I panicked. I couldn’t go back to his house! I mean I can’t be here with him. What if ‘I’ was to call him while ‘I’ was with him??
Fuck how many of ‘mes’ were there? What would happen if I would run into me? Would the world explode? God! It felt like my head was gonna explode!
“No I cant’!” I cried out and as I said it more memories flooded me. Something about me running off on him all the time… Fuck. I had to get out of here. I was fucking with my past or my present or my future or something…
“Kat.” He tried to reason with me but I couldn’t…
“No, really. I'm fine I just…um.” I stammered. “You think I could borrow some money Kenny? I know it’s weird and all but I'm kinda in a jam and-.” I started to babble and he motioned for me to stop. “I’ll pay you back.” I tell him as he reached for his wallet but I knew I wouldn’t… We argued about this actually. It was one of the reasons we ended up breaking up…
He said I was a ‘taker’. That I was using him, for like money and rides and things but I wasn’t. I mean I didn’t. Not then. I mean I am now, but not then. Fuck. My head was throbbing once more. I took the money Kenny was holding out for me without even looking at it and shoved it into my pocket.
“Mmm thanks Kenny. But I gotta run.” I tell him. I had to go somewhere where I had no chance of running into anyone I knew till I could figure out what was going on… The only place I could come up with was the library. No one I knew in 1999 would be caught dead there.
“We’re still on for tonight right?” He calls out after me and I nodded.
“Uh yeah of course.” I tell him but I had not a clue what he was talking about. I ducked around to the parking lot and crouched down behind a large van.
Okay mmm let’s do tomorrow May 11th, 1999. 9:30 am. NYC public library I start to type but then backed it out. You couldn’t bring food or drink in the library and I needed coffee. I barely drank any before with Gerard….
On a whim I changed NYC Public Library to Barnes and Nobles. It was like a library, in a way… wasn’t it?