Scream Into the Night
Don't stop
“I’m staring out a broken door… there’s nothing left her, err…here…” I hear my brother practice singing before our first live performance in L.A. We were just hanging out in our dressing room and doing some warm-ups before we were on.
“Anymore…uhh…”
“Was ist los, bruder?” I asked him as he stops his singing and looks at me with those two chocolate brown eyes. He sat right next to me and kept fidgeting with his fingers nervously before he cleared his throat and said “I can’t believe we’ve made it this far.” I smiled to him as I realized that he was right about that. Tokio Hotel started out as a band since we were only 12 years old… me and my brother playing rock music and singing… and then rocked out with our friends Gustav and Georg. We never knew we could get this far and after all these years, we are still united. And after all these years, he still has no clue…
“We can do this, Bill. You can do this. We’ve been playing for six years… I mean, how different can it be when we are here in America?” I told him reassuringly as to boost up his confidence. He sat up and looked at me in the eye. I tried to keep my eyes focused to his, which was covered in heavy eyeliner and dark eye shadow, so he wouldn’t have any second thoughts to think of something that would be so wrong.
So wrong.
“I’m glad that you are my bother…” he tells me and hugs me tightly while saying “Danke.” and went off to the table where all our food was placed.
My name is Tom Kaulitz. I’m eighteen years old and I play lead guitar in a band with my brother, Bill, who’s our vocalist. We were born on the same day of September 1, but Bill is older than me by 10 minutes. My other band mates and friends are Gustav on drums and Georg on bass guitar.
I watched my brother’s every move as he was deciding to which food he would choose to eat. His long, straight and voluminous black hair with white-blond streaks swayed softly as he was moving around the table to get the food that he wanted. He fiddled with his piercing on his right eyebrow while thinking on which food to eat. After he finally got his food, he sat down on one of the chairs across to where I was sitting and adjusted his tight jeans so he could sit comfortably. I look at him as he jokes around and nibbles on the sandwich he was holding. He has got to be one of the most schön people I’ve ever seen---even for a kerl. He’s got the personality of a good leader, a loyal friend, a person with a good sense of humor and is fun to be with. Of course, any girl could fall for a kerl like my brother.
Any mädchen could fall for my brother.
I am no mädchen for sure, but I love him.
I love him… more than a brother should.
Of course, no one knows this. It is a geheim which I will take to my grave… but I wish I did have the guts to tell him how I feel just to let everything out. The closest thing I can go to is admitting that I was gay… only to Gustav though. For the last three years I have fallen for my twin brother and even until now, he hasn’t got any clue. The only thing that ever makes me happy and has enough will to live through such a miserable love life is that my brother is still single and I am spending each moment we have together as a memento which will forever remain in my memories. As unbrotherly as I think he treats me, I know that he will never have the same intention as mine… only in my dreams.
A few minutes later, a tall and virile-looking young bloke with straight long auburn locks came out from the lavatory.
“Gott, Georg. Does it really take that long for you to fix your hair?!” I told him as he approaches to the vacant seat next to me while flipping his hair. “Huh. At least I am not like someone who finishes a can of hairspray in less than a week!” he answered back, obviously referring to my brother.
“Whaaaaaaaat???”
“Ja, Bill. YOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!”
“What? Are you jealous of my hair now?”
“You stay longer in the lavatory than I do! And the only thing you ever do is fix your hair.”
“Hey, my hair takes a lot of time to fix!! Yours is just straight and flat and mine has a lot of volume and style!” Bill says while putting down the sandwich he was eating earlier.
“Gaaah!!” Georg grunted and walks away to where his bass guitar was. Bill on the other hand, contented with his childish-argument victory, sticks his tongue out, which has a piercing, to Georg and then continues eating on what’s left of his sandwich.
He’s so niedlich when he does that.
I love how he sticks his tongue out… I thought, hoping that I could taste that sweet mouth of his and feel his tongue snake into my mouth while feeling his tongue pierce pressing itself against my own tongue. I stare blankly at my brother while allowing myself to let these fantasies of me and my brother together flow endlessly in my brain.
Bill’s POV:
After I have won against one of Georg’s and my childish arguments, I resumed to what I was doing earlier--- eating my delicious American sandwich. (^o^)
I stopped eating again when I saw my brother staring at me like he was in a trance. I decided to pretend I didn’t know he was staring until I thought of some other plan.
“I know I’m hot so please stop staring at me…” I then winked at him and took one last bite of my American butterbrot. (Hahaha)
“Huh?”
At this, I couldn’t help but laugh at how my brother looked like when I told him that I was so heiß. I laughed almost hysterically at him, though after a while he still wasn’t getting the joke.
Then all of a sudden my brother gets up from his seat and marches off some place else as if nothing happened.
Mein bruder ist seltsam.
I didn’t seem to understand my brother’s sudden strange behavior, so I just shrugged it off and thought maybe he was just overwhelmed like the rest of us.
I hope.
Tom’s POV:
After that seltsam laughing encounter by my brother, I pretended that nothing happened and walked away to the other end of our dressing room. I turned around with my back on Bill and my face to the mirror. I looked at myself from head to toe--- a guy wearing loose, hip-hop clothing with an oversized shirt and pants, dreadlocks, with a hat and bandana holding it away from my face, a piercing on the left side of my lip, and with eyes so captivating and brown.
So captivating… like Bill’s.
I tried comparing myself to how my brother dresses up and how we look… but he’s just too beautiful.
We might be identical twins, but as far as I’m concerned, we dress very differently and… err, we’re just different.
And I love him for being the prettier twin.
_______________________________________________________________________
Tom’s POV:
“Hey, we’re on in 5 minutes… get ready you guys!!” I hear our American tour manager girl announce to us after our door was opened. She had long brown curly locks tied up in a pony tail with dark brown eyes. She’s a nice mädchen and fun to be with… but I can’t help but think that she has this thing for my brother.
She stepped into our dressing room and headed straight to where the obvious person is.
Bill.
“Watch out, Tom. She’s coming to steal your man.” Gustav whispered to me from out of nowhere, but all of a sudden stood right next to me. Gustav was the only one who knew I was gay but his sudden tease surprised me especially that it was with my brother he was teasing me with. He nudged his elbow to my side and pointed to where our tour manager was sitting next to Bill and bringing up a conversation with him.
I just raised my eyebrow at Gustav’s remark and gave him a look that said ‘He’s my bruder, wisearse’. He eventually got the message and stopped teasing me.
But I wish he didn’t stop.
What am I thinking?!
Gustav understood me and still accepted me as his friend after admitting I was gay… but what if I told him I was in love? He’d still understand that right?
…
What if I told him I was in love with my own blood relative?
…
My twin brother…?
“Anymore…uhh…”
“Was ist los, bruder?” I asked him as he stops his singing and looks at me with those two chocolate brown eyes. He sat right next to me and kept fidgeting with his fingers nervously before he cleared his throat and said “I can’t believe we’ve made it this far.” I smiled to him as I realized that he was right about that. Tokio Hotel started out as a band since we were only 12 years old… me and my brother playing rock music and singing… and then rocked out with our friends Gustav and Georg. We never knew we could get this far and after all these years, we are still united. And after all these years, he still has no clue…
“We can do this, Bill. You can do this. We’ve been playing for six years… I mean, how different can it be when we are here in America?” I told him reassuringly as to boost up his confidence. He sat up and looked at me in the eye. I tried to keep my eyes focused to his, which was covered in heavy eyeliner and dark eye shadow, so he wouldn’t have any second thoughts to think of something that would be so wrong.
So wrong.
“I’m glad that you are my bother…” he tells me and hugs me tightly while saying “Danke.” and went off to the table where all our food was placed.
My name is Tom Kaulitz. I’m eighteen years old and I play lead guitar in a band with my brother, Bill, who’s our vocalist. We were born on the same day of September 1, but Bill is older than me by 10 minutes. My other band mates and friends are Gustav on drums and Georg on bass guitar.
I watched my brother’s every move as he was deciding to which food he would choose to eat. His long, straight and voluminous black hair with white-blond streaks swayed softly as he was moving around the table to get the food that he wanted. He fiddled with his piercing on his right eyebrow while thinking on which food to eat. After he finally got his food, he sat down on one of the chairs across to where I was sitting and adjusted his tight jeans so he could sit comfortably. I look at him as he jokes around and nibbles on the sandwich he was holding. He has got to be one of the most schön people I’ve ever seen---even for a kerl. He’s got the personality of a good leader, a loyal friend, a person with a good sense of humor and is fun to be with. Of course, any girl could fall for a kerl like my brother.
Any mädchen could fall for my brother.
I am no mädchen for sure, but I love him.
I love him… more than a brother should.
Of course, no one knows this. It is a geheim which I will take to my grave… but I wish I did have the guts to tell him how I feel just to let everything out. The closest thing I can go to is admitting that I was gay… only to Gustav though. For the last three years I have fallen for my twin brother and even until now, he hasn’t got any clue. The only thing that ever makes me happy and has enough will to live through such a miserable love life is that my brother is still single and I am spending each moment we have together as a memento which will forever remain in my memories. As unbrotherly as I think he treats me, I know that he will never have the same intention as mine… only in my dreams.
A few minutes later, a tall and virile-looking young bloke with straight long auburn locks came out from the lavatory.
“Gott, Georg. Does it really take that long for you to fix your hair?!” I told him as he approaches to the vacant seat next to me while flipping his hair. “Huh. At least I am not like someone who finishes a can of hairspray in less than a week!” he answered back, obviously referring to my brother.
“Whaaaaaaaat???”
“Ja, Bill. YOOOOOU!!!!!!!!!!”
“What? Are you jealous of my hair now?”
“You stay longer in the lavatory than I do! And the only thing you ever do is fix your hair.”
“Hey, my hair takes a lot of time to fix!! Yours is just straight and flat and mine has a lot of volume and style!” Bill says while putting down the sandwich he was eating earlier.
“Gaaah!!” Georg grunted and walks away to where his bass guitar was. Bill on the other hand, contented with his childish-argument victory, sticks his tongue out, which has a piercing, to Georg and then continues eating on what’s left of his sandwich.
He’s so niedlich when he does that.
I love how he sticks his tongue out… I thought, hoping that I could taste that sweet mouth of his and feel his tongue snake into my mouth while feeling his tongue pierce pressing itself against my own tongue. I stare blankly at my brother while allowing myself to let these fantasies of me and my brother together flow endlessly in my brain.
Bill’s POV:
After I have won against one of Georg’s and my childish arguments, I resumed to what I was doing earlier--- eating my delicious American sandwich. (^o^)
I stopped eating again when I saw my brother staring at me like he was in a trance. I decided to pretend I didn’t know he was staring until I thought of some other plan.
“I know I’m hot so please stop staring at me…” I then winked at him and took one last bite of my American butterbrot. (Hahaha)
“Huh?”
At this, I couldn’t help but laugh at how my brother looked like when I told him that I was so heiß. I laughed almost hysterically at him, though after a while he still wasn’t getting the joke.
Then all of a sudden my brother gets up from his seat and marches off some place else as if nothing happened.
Mein bruder ist seltsam.
I didn’t seem to understand my brother’s sudden strange behavior, so I just shrugged it off and thought maybe he was just overwhelmed like the rest of us.
I hope.
Tom’s POV:
After that seltsam laughing encounter by my brother, I pretended that nothing happened and walked away to the other end of our dressing room. I turned around with my back on Bill and my face to the mirror. I looked at myself from head to toe--- a guy wearing loose, hip-hop clothing with an oversized shirt and pants, dreadlocks, with a hat and bandana holding it away from my face, a piercing on the left side of my lip, and with eyes so captivating and brown.
So captivating… like Bill’s.
I tried comparing myself to how my brother dresses up and how we look… but he’s just too beautiful.
We might be identical twins, but as far as I’m concerned, we dress very differently and… err, we’re just different.
And I love him for being the prettier twin.
_______________________________________________________________________
Tom’s POV:
“Hey, we’re on in 5 minutes… get ready you guys!!” I hear our American tour manager girl announce to us after our door was opened. She had long brown curly locks tied up in a pony tail with dark brown eyes. She’s a nice mädchen and fun to be with… but I can’t help but think that she has this thing for my brother.
She stepped into our dressing room and headed straight to where the obvious person is.
Bill.
“Watch out, Tom. She’s coming to steal your man.” Gustav whispered to me from out of nowhere, but all of a sudden stood right next to me. Gustav was the only one who knew I was gay but his sudden tease surprised me especially that it was with my brother he was teasing me with. He nudged his elbow to my side and pointed to where our tour manager was sitting next to Bill and bringing up a conversation with him.
I just raised my eyebrow at Gustav’s remark and gave him a look that said ‘He’s my bruder, wisearse’. He eventually got the message and stopped teasing me.
But I wish he didn’t stop.
What am I thinking?!
Gustav understood me and still accepted me as his friend after admitting I was gay… but what if I told him I was in love? He’d still understand that right?
…
What if I told him I was in love with my own blood relative?
…
My twin brother…?