Maybe Someday
Lost You Once
Every time Sidney looked at Ellen, all he could think about and all he could see was the engagement ring on her left ring finger. He tried to ignore it, but all he felt was jealousy and he couldn’t figure out why. Ellen was his best friend, she was happy and ready to marry a man she loved; why wasn’t he happy too? Maybe, he thought, it was because if she got married and permanently moved to France, they could never go back to being how close they were as teenagers. Even though their friendship falling apart was his fault, he had always hoped he would see her again and nothing would have changed. Wishful thinking, he decided.
Gabriel, Ellen’s fiancé sounded perfect. He owned his own restaurant in Paris. He was well-educated, he had money, he treated Ellen like a queen, and according to her, was everything she had wanted in a boyfriend, a future husband, and someone to start a family with. Sidney knew he shouldn't have been hurt; he and Ellen had only dated for a few months when they were teenagers, but he sure felt rejected. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to assume that he and Ellen still had something all these years later.
"He sounds really great," he offered, giving her a friendly smile.
“He is,” Ellen said quietly, her eyes locking on Sidney’s before he shifted his gaze away from her. She frowned as he cleared his throat and clapped his hands together, telling her he was going to do some fishing off of his dock. She called out for him to stop as he made his way out of the living room and towards the back of the house, but he just kept going. She let out a shaky breath, unsure of what her best friend was thinking.
She stayed in his living room for a while, alone with her thoughts. It was funny to her how after four years of no communication, Sidney Crosby was back in her life with a vengeance. Of course, she hadn’t been able to escape him during their period apart, even in France. He was a superstar, the face of the NHL, and easily the most recognizable and well-known player, not just in Canada and the United States, but all over the world, too.
She let out a deep breath and headed toward where Sid was sitting, his legs dangling over the edge of the dock and a fishing pole held lazily in his hands. She was sure he wasn’t really fishing and had only used it as an excuse to leave the awkward conversation they had been having. Slipping off her flip flops, she sat down next to him and bumped her shoulder into his. When he smiled lightly, but did not look at her, she sighed again.
“Sid,” she started. “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“About how you really feel about me living in Paris and being engaged.”
“I’m happy for you.”
Ellen sighed, putting her index and her middle finger against her temple, rubbing small circles where she suddenly felt the dull throbbing of a headache coming on. She knew Sid, she knew he was stubborn, and she knew he was guarded about his feelings. But he had always talked to her; they were best friends and it was her job to make him feel like he could tell her anything. Now that the problem revolved around her, she was at a loss.
It had been only three days since Sidney had come back into her life, or maybe it was she into his. Whatever the scenario, things were complicated. All her life, she never had to second guess her relationship with the hockey phenom. Not even when their relationship had changed from friendship and into something more. She had learned that she never had to question anything with him; he was as straight-forward as someone could be. She never had to guess what he was feeling, either. If she didn’t just know what was going on in his head, he always told her.
“I had always hoped nothing would change.”
“It doesn’t have to,” she started to say, but Sid shook his head as soon as she started her sentence.
“This may sound selfish, but I’m used to being the only man in your life. How can I compete with some French guy who’s giving you everything you could want?”
Ellen was at a loss for words. She wasn’t sure what Sid meant by ‘compete’ but she knew it wasn’t something she wanted to hear. She looked at Sidney to see him looking directly back at her, his brown eyes locking on her blue ones. She sighed, leaning toward him and wrapping her arms around him tightly. “I missed you, Sid. You have to know that no matter who comes in and out of my life, where I live, or what I’m doing, you’re my best friend.”
He should have been happy to hear that, but he wasn’t. Putting on a happy face, he pulled Ellen into a hug, trying not to think about anything further than what was happening currently. He didn’t want to think about Ellen’s engagement, her coming wedding, or even his upcoming season. He only had a few more days of summer before he would be heading back to Pittsburgh and only a few more days until he once again had to leave Ellen behind.
“It’s not fair,” he decided to say, Ellen still wrapped up in his arms as they watched the sun set in front of them.
“What’s not fair?” Ellen asked, craning her neck to look at Sid curiously.
“After four years apart, we’ll only be reunited for a few days before I have to leave again.”
Ellen nodded, her eyes looking down and her mouth staying shut. She didn’t want to think about that; she knew Sidney would again have to leave, and like before, she’d be staying behind. The past few days, though they had been awkward, had been like a time warp into the past. The boy she had known and loved so much growing up was back. She tried not to get her hopes up, though. In the back of her mind, she knew they would again be separated, and she would lose her best friend a second time. She wasn’t sure if that was something she could handle.
As if Sid could read her mind, he rested his chin on the top of her head, his arms squeezing her tighter. A small sigh escaped past his lips and he said, “I can’t lose you again.”
A shiver ran through her body, but Ellen wasn’t sure if it was from the evening breeze picking up or from the intensity of Sidney’s words. Whatever it was, she sunk further into his chest and nodded against it.
A few minutes went by before he spoke again, “You should come to Pittsburgh.”
For the past four years, Ellen had held an unreasonable disdain for the Pennsylvania city. It had taken her best friend from her, changed him from the boy she loved into a man she barely knew. Anytime ‘Pittsburgh’ was either seen or heard by her, she winced. She didn’t mean to, and it wasn’t often when she heard it when she was in Paris, but it still felt like a knife was in her chest.
Ellen stood at the front door at Gabriel’s restaurant, acting as the hostess for the evening. The usual girl who did the job had called in sick, and Ellen’s boyfriend found himself in a bind. Seeing no other option, he asked his girlfriend do to the job, and while she was nervous she didn’t know enough of the French language to get through the night, she agreed immediately, happy to help.
It was a couple hours into the evening when an American family of four came into the restaurant. Ellen was as happy they could speak English as they were she could. The family stood by Ellen as a table was cleared off for them before they could sit down.
“Where are you from?” She asked them, trying to make polite conversation as they waited together.
“Pittsburgh,” the father answered, smiling widely, pointing to his tee shirt that Ellen had failed to notice before. Sure enough, the man wore a Pittsburgh Penguins tee shirt, ‘Crosby’ the name on the back. She smiled politely but inside, her mind was racing and her breath caught in her throat.
“You?”
“Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia,” Ellen answered, wondering if the father would make the connection, but before he could, his young son did.
“That’s where Sidney’s from! Did you know him?”
Ellen shook her head, causing the young boy to frown. Ellen sighed in relief when Gabriel himself told her the family’s table was ready. She smiled at him and led the family to the table, glad for the distraction. The last person she wanted to think about was Sidney Crosby.
“Ellen?”
She looked up at Sid, realizing she had been lost in her thoughts and had completely ignored his question. “Sorry,” she told him, shaking her head.
“What were you thinking about?”
“Pittsburgh,” she told him, being partially honest.
“And what do you think about Pittsburgh?” She bit her lip, and stared up into Sidney’s big, brown eyes that told her he was nothing but hopeful she’d say yes. “You know, just for a while. It’d be better than being stuck in Cole Harbour until you go back to France. And besides, your sister’s in Jersey, right? You could go visit her a lot…”
Sidney knew how to sell something, that was for sure. Laughing lightly, Ellen nodded her head and let out a small “yes,” as Sidney grinned. She wasn’t sure she knew what she was getting into, but Ellen was going to Pittsburgh with Sidney Crosby. How she was going to explain that to her fiancé, she didn’t know.
Gabriel, Ellen’s fiancé sounded perfect. He owned his own restaurant in Paris. He was well-educated, he had money, he treated Ellen like a queen, and according to her, was everything she had wanted in a boyfriend, a future husband, and someone to start a family with. Sidney knew he shouldn't have been hurt; he and Ellen had only dated for a few months when they were teenagers, but he sure felt rejected. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to assume that he and Ellen still had something all these years later.
"He sounds really great," he offered, giving her a friendly smile.
“He is,” Ellen said quietly, her eyes locking on Sidney’s before he shifted his gaze away from her. She frowned as he cleared his throat and clapped his hands together, telling her he was going to do some fishing off of his dock. She called out for him to stop as he made his way out of the living room and towards the back of the house, but he just kept going. She let out a shaky breath, unsure of what her best friend was thinking.
She stayed in his living room for a while, alone with her thoughts. It was funny to her how after four years of no communication, Sidney Crosby was back in her life with a vengeance. Of course, she hadn’t been able to escape him during their period apart, even in France. He was a superstar, the face of the NHL, and easily the most recognizable and well-known player, not just in Canada and the United States, but all over the world, too.
She let out a deep breath and headed toward where Sid was sitting, his legs dangling over the edge of the dock and a fishing pole held lazily in his hands. She was sure he wasn’t really fishing and had only used it as an excuse to leave the awkward conversation they had been having. Slipping off her flip flops, she sat down next to him and bumped her shoulder into his. When he smiled lightly, but did not look at her, she sighed again.
“Sid,” she started. “We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“About how you really feel about me living in Paris and being engaged.”
“I’m happy for you.”
Ellen sighed, putting her index and her middle finger against her temple, rubbing small circles where she suddenly felt the dull throbbing of a headache coming on. She knew Sid, she knew he was stubborn, and she knew he was guarded about his feelings. But he had always talked to her; they were best friends and it was her job to make him feel like he could tell her anything. Now that the problem revolved around her, she was at a loss.
It had been only three days since Sidney had come back into her life, or maybe it was she into his. Whatever the scenario, things were complicated. All her life, she never had to second guess her relationship with the hockey phenom. Not even when their relationship had changed from friendship and into something more. She had learned that she never had to question anything with him; he was as straight-forward as someone could be. She never had to guess what he was feeling, either. If she didn’t just know what was going on in his head, he always told her.
“I had always hoped nothing would change.”
“It doesn’t have to,” she started to say, but Sid shook his head as soon as she started her sentence.
“This may sound selfish, but I’m used to being the only man in your life. How can I compete with some French guy who’s giving you everything you could want?”
Ellen was at a loss for words. She wasn’t sure what Sid meant by ‘compete’ but she knew it wasn’t something she wanted to hear. She looked at Sidney to see him looking directly back at her, his brown eyes locking on her blue ones. She sighed, leaning toward him and wrapping her arms around him tightly. “I missed you, Sid. You have to know that no matter who comes in and out of my life, where I live, or what I’m doing, you’re my best friend.”
He should have been happy to hear that, but he wasn’t. Putting on a happy face, he pulled Ellen into a hug, trying not to think about anything further than what was happening currently. He didn’t want to think about Ellen’s engagement, her coming wedding, or even his upcoming season. He only had a few more days of summer before he would be heading back to Pittsburgh and only a few more days until he once again had to leave Ellen behind.
“It’s not fair,” he decided to say, Ellen still wrapped up in his arms as they watched the sun set in front of them.
“What’s not fair?” Ellen asked, craning her neck to look at Sid curiously.
“After four years apart, we’ll only be reunited for a few days before I have to leave again.”
Ellen nodded, her eyes looking down and her mouth staying shut. She didn’t want to think about that; she knew Sidney would again have to leave, and like before, she’d be staying behind. The past few days, though they had been awkward, had been like a time warp into the past. The boy she had known and loved so much growing up was back. She tried not to get her hopes up, though. In the back of her mind, she knew they would again be separated, and she would lose her best friend a second time. She wasn’t sure if that was something she could handle.
As if Sid could read her mind, he rested his chin on the top of her head, his arms squeezing her tighter. A small sigh escaped past his lips and he said, “I can’t lose you again.”
A shiver ran through her body, but Ellen wasn’t sure if it was from the evening breeze picking up or from the intensity of Sidney’s words. Whatever it was, she sunk further into his chest and nodded against it.
A few minutes went by before he spoke again, “You should come to Pittsburgh.”
For the past four years, Ellen had held an unreasonable disdain for the Pennsylvania city. It had taken her best friend from her, changed him from the boy she loved into a man she barely knew. Anytime ‘Pittsburgh’ was either seen or heard by her, she winced. She didn’t mean to, and it wasn’t often when she heard it when she was in Paris, but it still felt like a knife was in her chest.
Ellen stood at the front door at Gabriel’s restaurant, acting as the hostess for the evening. The usual girl who did the job had called in sick, and Ellen’s boyfriend found himself in a bind. Seeing no other option, he asked his girlfriend do to the job, and while she was nervous she didn’t know enough of the French language to get through the night, she agreed immediately, happy to help.
It was a couple hours into the evening when an American family of four came into the restaurant. Ellen was as happy they could speak English as they were she could. The family stood by Ellen as a table was cleared off for them before they could sit down.
“Where are you from?” She asked them, trying to make polite conversation as they waited together.
“Pittsburgh,” the father answered, smiling widely, pointing to his tee shirt that Ellen had failed to notice before. Sure enough, the man wore a Pittsburgh Penguins tee shirt, ‘Crosby’ the name on the back. She smiled politely but inside, her mind was racing and her breath caught in her throat.
“You?”
“Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia,” Ellen answered, wondering if the father would make the connection, but before he could, his young son did.
“That’s where Sidney’s from! Did you know him?”
Ellen shook her head, causing the young boy to frown. Ellen sighed in relief when Gabriel himself told her the family’s table was ready. She smiled at him and led the family to the table, glad for the distraction. The last person she wanted to think about was Sidney Crosby.
“Ellen?”
She looked up at Sid, realizing she had been lost in her thoughts and had completely ignored his question. “Sorry,” she told him, shaking her head.
“What were you thinking about?”
“Pittsburgh,” she told him, being partially honest.
“And what do you think about Pittsburgh?” She bit her lip, and stared up into Sidney’s big, brown eyes that told her he was nothing but hopeful she’d say yes. “You know, just for a while. It’d be better than being stuck in Cole Harbour until you go back to France. And besides, your sister’s in Jersey, right? You could go visit her a lot…”
Sidney knew how to sell something, that was for sure. Laughing lightly, Ellen nodded her head and let out a small “yes,” as Sidney grinned. She wasn’t sure she knew what she was getting into, but Ellen was going to Pittsburgh with Sidney Crosby. How she was going to explain that to her fiancé, she didn’t know.