Insidious.

After talking to my sister I go up to my room and sit for a while. I feel like a guilty mess. Like, I can't do anything right and I'm always fucking things up for someone. Like Harlow in the backseat of her dad's car, and Rachel....

and I feel like a dick.

Mostly, I think about how I can make things right again so that my sister might be at least a little bit right about me being an okay guy.

And then I call Tommy, knowing that he won't answer the phone, and I leave a voice mail.

I tell him everything.

Rachel lies on the bed and I watch her stomach move in time with her breathing. I try to inhale and exhale as she does, but fail miserably. She catches me staring and smirks.

"Hello Zachary," she says, moving the sheet to cover herself.

I look to the side and see her bra and a pair of jeans I don't recognize on the carpet. I point them out.

"Are those his?" I ask.

She leans over and nods. "Yeah."

As if she can sense my being uncomfortable, she kisses my neck and whispers something about me having nothing to worry about. She's all mine.

"Yeah?" I say.

"Of course."

I stay a little while longer. We don't do much. Rachel goes to the kitchen and makes some grilled cheese sandwiches, and I stand behind her with my arms wrapped around her middle as I watch. Occasionally I kiss her temple and tell her that love her.

In that moment, I really loved her.

"Yeah?" she says, a smile on her face.

I nod. "Yeah, Rachel."

"I love you, too."

And the grilled cheese burns while we move back towards the bed. Nothing happens. We just lie there and make out for a really long time because we're too tired to have sex again. But when the grilled cheese burns we can smell it and Rachel laughs and squeals as the smoke detectors go off.

I lie down on the bed and watch as she fans the ceiling with my jeans because she really does look so beautiful.

"Are you just gonna lie there and watch, asshole?" she asks, laughing.

She knows it's funny.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I am actually."

Rachel pokes out her tongue and goes into the kitchen so she can throw the food into the trash. I don't think we were all that hungry anyways.

When she gets back to the bed we sleep for a few hours. No words are said because they aren't really needed. We already know how the other feels and words would just ruin everything.

I had to leave when we woke up.

"So... I'll see you around?" I ask.

Rachel shrugs her shoulders. "Who knows? Maybe."

I think she's flirting. "Really, Rachel. When can I see you again?"

She shrugs once more. "I have plans tomorrow," she says.

I look at the jeans on the carpet. "With that... that dick guy from the party?"

I can't remember his name, but it doesn't really matter at the moment because... well because it just doesn't. He's just that dick guy from the party. Nothing more.

She sighs and nods. "He has a fucking name, you know, Zack."

"What the fuck does that matter? I know I'm being kind of a prick right now, but I thought that he was out of the picture."

"Why? Because we had sex?"

I want to say something more, but I can't bring myself to do it. Instead, I move to leave the front door and Rachel grabs my arm before I can reach the knob. I turn around, and without thinking, I slap her across the face.

"You're a real fucking bitch, you know that?" I ask her, not caring that her cheek has gone red and there are tears in her eyes. "A real bitch. And you're a fucking slut too. You just... You don't fucking get it Rachel. You just don't get it."

And she's crying because her face hurts, and I don't care because by then I'm out the door.

When I finish I look down at the phone and the operator lady is asking me if I want to mark the message as urgent or if I want to listen to it again or something of the matter.

I listen to it and realize that I had been crying while I was saying some of that stuff.

Then, I delete it and hang up.