Insidious.

I watch Rachel brush her hair in the bathroom mirror. She sees me watching and smiles, showing all of her teeth. I smile back and she waves me over.

"No, just keep doing what you're doing," I tell her.

"Please?" She prods.

I shake my head. "I like watching you from here," I say. "Just keep brushing your hair, we're going to be late."

Rachel sighs and goes through her hair a few more times before slipping on a headband. I watch her do her mascara and put on a coat of lip gloss.

"Okay, Zachary," she says walking into the living room.

I move to get off of the couch, but she takes a seat on my lap. Instinctively, my hands find her waist and she kisses me.

"What's this?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Nothing. Just me saying that I love you."

I want to say it back, but my mouth can't quite form the words.

At the party, her hair is curly. She used to wear it straight. She's wearing a short black dress and a pair of heals. She used to own nothing but a pair of jeans and T-shirts. I don't know why this bothers me, but it does.

"You okay, man?" Greg asks me.

I can't take my eyes off of the staircase. I want to go find her, and pull that guy she's with off of her. I want to tell her to put her clothes on, we're going home.

I can't do any of those things. She'd only hate me for it.

"Why is she up there with him?" I ask.

Greg looks at me with furrowed brows. "Who? Rachel?"

I nod. "Yeah, who the fuck else?"

"Dude, get over her already. I thought-- what about Harlow?"

I pause and think back to the night before, and then further back to the nights before. I close my eyes and exhale loudly. "I like her, Greg... I just... I don't know. I just like her."

"Who?"

Rachel. Harlow. Rachel. "I don't know."

~*~

Harlow never shows up at the party. I watch out for her the whole night, hoping that she's chosen to stay at home and drink the night away. Or do some coke. Or go to sleep. Or fuck some other guy so I'd have a reason to like her just a little bit less.

That last part makes me feel like a dick.

That last part makes me want to tell her I'm no good.

Dick-pig plays around two in the morning, and they're not all that bad. Seth slays the drums which surprises me because I was thinking that he would suck. The chick who does vocals isn't as hot as I thought she would be, but she can sing and play bass, and I suppose that is all that matters. Greg is... Greg. There is nothing more to add about him.

I see Rachel standing with that guy from earlier. She stands in front of him, and he has his arms wrapped around her like they're a real couple. I try not to stare, but I can't help myself.

"What the fuck?" I ask.

Tommy hears and looks over at Rachel. "What? I thought you guys broke up."

"We did, but we... We had an agreement."

"What about Harlow then? She's not throwing a bitch fit over you and Harlow."

I look at Tommy. "Harlow and I aren't really together," I say.

"Then what are you?"

I shrug. "Nothing. We fuck each other and I fix her when she breaks down."

It sounds harsh because it is. It sounds harsh because it's not completely true and I'm just being a baby because I miss my ex-girlfriend sometimes.

Rachel sees me watching and she smiles and waves. Her eyes tell something other than her polite body language.

She whispers something to the guy and points me out. He gives me the once over and nods his head not once, but twice. Rachel heads over, grabs my wrist and drags me out into the backyard.

"What the fuck, Zachary?" She says.

I was expecting a hello, or something a little less profane.

"Hello to you too, Rachel."

She scoffs, but I can tell she doesn't mean it. She could never be anything less than a nice person. "Hi."

"I'm sorry," I tell her.

She looks up at me. "What?"

"I shouldn't have been looking at you like that."

"Then why were you?"

She kisses me again, and repeats her sentence. I open my mouth, but all that comes out is hot air and the scent of Listerine and cigarettes.

Her face falls, and she moves to get off of my lap.

I pull her back and kiss her as hard as I can manage.

"I love you, too," I say. "It's just not as easy for me to say it."

I shrug. "No reason."

She folds her arms and adds an eye roll for emphasis. "Don't be such a pussy, Zack. You don't have to impress anyone."

"We had an agreement," I remind her after a few moments of silence. "I thought... I thought we weren't going to see other people."

She steps closer. "What about you and Harlow?" She asks. "Aren't you seeing other people?"

I shake my head, something I shouldn't have done because it was a lie. "I'm not. She's just... we just fuck around. I don't love her or anything."

"I don't love Jason either, Zack. He's just some guy I mess around with."

I want to kiss her, but I can't seem to remember the motions. I just say okay, and leave it at that. I feel better and worse at the same time.

Rachel takes my hand and hers feel colder than they used to. I grip hers tight to remind both her and myself that I'm there, and that she is there too.

"What now?" She asks.

I smile and know that she's back for good. That the other guy doesn't matter as much... at least for the moment.

"We go back to your place."