Status: completed
Insidious.
No Worries
I can't believe her. The words slip past her lips, but I have to ask for them again. And then another time, and another and another until everything is just gibberish and all I'm seeing is lips moving without sound.
"No," I shake my head and Harlow moves closer with open arms.
I shake them off once they reach my shoulders. "No."
Her arms fall and she looks defeated. "What do you want me to do, Zachary? I can't- I can't fix this for you."
I'm not used to being the one who needs fixing. I know that it's what I need. It's what I've always needed, but I'm usually the one picking up all the pieces of a shattered Harlow. Not the other way around.
I cry, and I blame myself for everything that has happened. My vision blurs over and I can't see anything but the outline of a girl I will never love as much.
"When?" I ask. My voice is thick with flem.
"Last night."
I wipe my eyes. "How?"
Harlow shakes her head. "It wasn't suicide, Zachary. Don't worry."
I think of my brother, and then I stop.
Finally, I lean into Harlow and ask her if she minds. If she's mad at me for caring so much. I feel her tense up, and then stroke my hair as I shake in her arms. She kisses the top of my head and I like her more for it.
"I do, Zack, but I can't do anything to change that now can I?"
I shake my head. "I guess not."
Rachel lies on the bed and I watch her stomach move in time with her breathing. I try to inhale and exhale as she does, but fail miserably. She catches me staring and smirks.
"Hello Zachary," she says, moving the sheet to cover her.
I look to the side and see her bra and a pair of jeans I don't recognize on the carpet. I point them out.
"Are those his?" I ask.
She leans over and nods. "Yeah."
As if she can sense my being uncomfortable, she kisses my neck and whispers something about me having nothing to worry about. She's all mine.
"Yeah?" I say.
"Of course."
Harlow and I sit in the living room for a long while without saying a word. My thoughts are filled with Rachel and me wondering why I didn't go back when she had called for me. If she was calling out for me because something was wrong or because she wanted me to come back and stay with her.
I didn't know because I hadn't bothered to pay it any attention.
Harlow leaves when she realizes I'm not going to get any better.
"No," I shake my head and Harlow moves closer with open arms.
I shake them off once they reach my shoulders. "No."
Her arms fall and she looks defeated. "What do you want me to do, Zachary? I can't- I can't fix this for you."
I'm not used to being the one who needs fixing. I know that it's what I need. It's what I've always needed, but I'm usually the one picking up all the pieces of a shattered Harlow. Not the other way around.
I cry, and I blame myself for everything that has happened. My vision blurs over and I can't see anything but the outline of a girl I will never love as much.
"When?" I ask. My voice is thick with flem.
"Last night."
I wipe my eyes. "How?"
Harlow shakes her head. "It wasn't suicide, Zachary. Don't worry."
I think of my brother, and then I stop.
Finally, I lean into Harlow and ask her if she minds. If she's mad at me for caring so much. I feel her tense up, and then stroke my hair as I shake in her arms. She kisses the top of my head and I like her more for it.
"I do, Zack, but I can't do anything to change that now can I?"
I shake my head. "I guess not."
Rachel lies on the bed and I watch her stomach move in time with her breathing. I try to inhale and exhale as she does, but fail miserably. She catches me staring and smirks.
"Hello Zachary," she says, moving the sheet to cover her.
I look to the side and see her bra and a pair of jeans I don't recognize on the carpet. I point them out.
"Are those his?" I ask.
She leans over and nods. "Yeah."
As if she can sense my being uncomfortable, she kisses my neck and whispers something about me having nothing to worry about. She's all mine.
"Yeah?" I say.
"Of course."
Harlow and I sit in the living room for a long while without saying a word. My thoughts are filled with Rachel and me wondering why I didn't go back when she had called for me. If she was calling out for me because something was wrong or because she wanted me to come back and stay with her.
I didn't know because I hadn't bothered to pay it any attention.
Harlow leaves when she realizes I'm not going to get any better.