The Best Is Yet to Come

I stared mundanely at the brick wall of the back of the Helyers household. The Helyers were throwing a sort of ‘good bye’ thing for friends and family of the band before they went off on their latest tour with Death Can Dance, supporting Tonight Is Goodbye. Around me there was noise and it was killing my head. Every part of me ached, inside and out. The pervious night’s events replayed in my mind over and over again. The image of Josh and Tash kissing was burned into my brain and my aching head refused to let it go.

Now I was surrounded by people when I just wanted to be alone. The only reason I had was because Josh had begged me too. I never thought my drunken actions could fuel such… despair at what I’d lost. I didn’t want to but I hated Tash. I couldn’t help it, it was now pure instinct, and she’d taken the one boy I’d really wanted.

The pain in my head was a mixture of hangover and a depressed headache – I hadn’t got much sleep last night.

“I’ve never heard of them.” Daz’s loud voice seared through my head and I winced. I finally looked away from the wall and back to my friends around the table. Normally, when I got like this Matt or Max picked up on it but they were too busy with their own girls to notice me. I was getting pushed aside. Tears stung my eyes at the thought and I blinked them away desperately.

We all sat around the table. Shannon Broody, who Matt had hooked up with last night, was sat on his lap. I didn’t know her, she was pretty and seemed decent enough for him, I was too lost in my own self pity to take notice of her much. I ran my eyes down her long raven black hair cut into stylish layers she had contrasting pale skin but blushing red cheeks and vibrant green eyes. I carried on with the rest of the table, taking note of who was present.

Max had his arm around grinning Kendra. To his right was Jonzey, Daz and Zac all looking rather cheerful if a bit hung over. Then opposite was Matt with Shannon, a laughing Chris, an amused Dan and Joshua with Natasha sat happily on his lap. I clenched my jaw and looked to the other side of the table when I noticed his hand secretly on her thigh. My face flexed in a look of disgust.

For once, I wasn’t mad at Josh. I was too far into my own belief that I liked him to be capable of hating him. I could never be mad at Josh again. No, it was Tash I hated. To me, her smile was too false, something wasn’t right…

The only person absent from our normally regular group was David. Erin, Elissa and Tom were all sat by the back fence. Most of our parents that had showed, mainly the bands parents and mine, were sat somewhere in the house.

“They’re a good band, you should check them out,” Josh responded to Daz. After my drunken realisation last night, his voice suddenly sounded so much sweeter, and it hurt.

“So you’re gonna be gone for what, like two weeks?” Kendra asked, her sentence pattern adding to my belief that she was a natural blonde under the platinum. She pouted at Max. They kissed one night and now they were a sloppy couple, what?!

“Yeah, can’t wait,” Dan answered for her and pulled on his shades that he’d been playing with in his hands. His grin actually caused the corners of my mouth to twitch. The conversation sunk in and I realised that I was really going to miss them all. I was left with Kendra and Tash, two people I didn’t really like right now. I had Jonzey and co but they weren’t by best friends. It was going to be weird.

“I can’t believe it,” Tash pouted in a whiney voice that sent shudders down my spin. “I’m gonna miss you.”

Her words were worse enough; I closed my eyes tight before I could see the kiss I knew that was coming. The wet sound and pucker stung me deep.

“That’s the life of a rockstar baby.” Max laughed.

“Oh yeah, we’ll be trashing hotel rooms every night,” Chris added sarcastically.

“Hooking up with different girls every night,” Jonzey inserted jokingly.

Appalled sounds issued from the two girls and I shook my head.

“Don’t you dare!” Tash ordered in a sulk and Josh laughed.

“Don’t worry babe.” BABE?! “I’ve only got eyes for you.”

Without realising it myself, I stood up, kicking the chair aside in the process and stormed as normally as I could to the back of the garden to where the siblings stood. Everyone went quiet behind me and I knew they were watching my departure. I couldn’t stand to sit there anymore. I felt sick.

“What’s up with you?”Erin stared at me curiously as I snatched a coke from the bucket of drinks. I ignored her and opened the bottle. I sunk down onto the grass and took a calming breath.

“Jasey you don’t look to good,” Tom added.

“Thanks, you really know how to flatter a girl Tom,” I growled into my bottle. The fizzy drink tickled my nose and I coughed. Tom laughed lightly.

“Seriously,” Elissa added. “You look a wreck, you feeling alright?”

Did I really look that bad? I tried to think back to my normal routine of beautifying myself but I couldn’t… I really had wallowed in depression this morning. I subconsciously ran my fingers through my hair trying to feel for any mess. I hadn’t bothered straightening it this morning so it was rather wavy.

“Here.” Erin threw a bobble at me which I caught clumsily. I placed the cold bottle between my legs. I ran my fingers through my hair again and lifted it up into a ponytail.

“Thanks,” I whispered and ran my fingers up the nape of my neck and pressed against the base of my hair to check it was all in place. Some parts that wouldn’t reach the bobble wound their way loosely against my neck. I ran my hand down my neck and let it drop into my lap. I picked up my coke and took a swig.

“Now what’s up?” Erin insisted. She was a good sister and I was suddenly really grateful for it even though I wasn’t willing to spill my heart out here. I shot her a warning glare and she snickered with slight understanding.

“I think I can guess,” she whispered and her eyes flickered behind me. I narrowed my eyes at her but didn’t say anything. “Thought so.”

“Max’s watching you,” Tom told me without taking his eyes from behind me. I was actually glad. At least he still cared, for now. “And Josh.”

My heart spiked and I cringed forwards, burying my face into my lap with a groan. I wanted to cry but I didn’t know why. I just felt like shit.

“D’you wanna go?” Erin asked softly. I contemplated this for a moment. I half wanted to stay because I wasn’t going to see any of the band, my best friends, for two weeks. Although, I felt so crap, the idea of leaving was pleasant idea. “C’mon.”

“Tell ‘em she got sick Liz? Tom?” Erin gently pulled on my arm as the two agreed. I did actually feel sick – my hangover was worsened by my emotions. I got up and walked out with Erin without casting a glance at the table – I didn’t think I could stomach it. We thanked Mr and Mrs Helyer and just as we were about to leave Chris, Dan, Josh, Matt and Max caught us at the door.

“Jase, hold on a sec,” Max called as they hurried down his path.

“Are you alright?” Chris asked as we turned back to face them. I stared at the ground and rubbed my throbbing head.

“Yeah,” I murmured and closed my eyes. “Just don’t feel to good.”

“Too much last night?” Dan asked with a smile in his voice.

“Something like that,” I replied flatly and rubbed my eyes. I opened my eyes in time to see their faces fall.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Matt pressed, concerned.

“Yes,” I insisted more harshly than I’d intended and gritted my teeth. “Sorry. I just wanna get home, I really don’t feel too good. Have fun next week.”

“Thanks.” They replied randomly and each was so glum, it forced me to look at them properly. Max smiled weakly before extending his arms out towards me. I hesitated before wrapping my arms around him. Max was just that little bit bigger than me but so familiar. It was really comforting. I passed through each of them, hugging each in some form or another. Finally, I ended up in Josh’s arm and found myself refusing to let go. Why did I suddenly and so desperately want something I couldn’t have?

I pressed my forehead against his neck and squeezed him tight. I inhaled deeply, taking him in before reluctantly letting go. He surprised me by kissing my on the top of my head and then rubbing my arm. There were no words for how much it lifted me. All pain seemed to leave then I remembered I wouldn’t see any of them for two weeks and a heavy stone settled in my stomach.

“Take care,” he whispered and winked.

“You too. Good luck guys!”

And I left with Erin before my emotions could get the best of me. When we got home, I’d been too upset in the car, I confessed all to her. She seemed understanding and sympathetic enough – she was being the perfect sister. Although, she couldn’t give me any good advice. She told me to tell Josh how I felt, but I pointed out that one, he was away, two, he liked Tash and three, it would ruin our friendship. This was something I’d have to wait out. I had strong belief there was something off about Tash, I just hoped she didn’t hurt him in the process.

***

The two weeks without my best friends was horrible. I’d finally managed to sober up physically and emotionally until I considered myself quite together but the absence of the boys was causing quite a blow.

I popped out now and then to see Daz, Jonzey and Zac so I didn’t go insane with lack of socialising but I refused to see Kendra and Tash. Every time they called or texted I made an excuse to be busy. When they turned up to see the boys, I would leave. I couldn’t be around Tash. To me, I didn’t care if I was biased, there was something off with her. Before I hadn’t seen it, but recently she’d appeared more and more false. She radiated wrong energy. Her sweet innocence around everyone was just… wrong.

I stuck the two weeks out without a single complaint or a moan – of course, I’d have to get used to this, they were going to be on tour a lot. Finally, a week before Josh and I were due to start at our new colleges, they returned home. They’d been longer than expected, but the gift they came baring was plain proof why.

“Where the hell have you been?” Tash demanded as soon as Josh passed through the door looking completely worn. His clothes were creased and dirty. He looked as if he hadn’t showered properly in ages. Josh’s hair was ruffled, matted and curly from lack of straightening. He looked as if every muscle was aching but the smile on his faces told enough of a story. Despite his dishevelled and drained appearance, the sight of him had my stomach doing back flips. It was so hard to describe how good it was to see him. Everything in my life suddenly looked that much better.

It kind of pleased me that Josh hadn’t told Tash about their delay. Elissa told me a few days back they were staying a few extra days to record ‘Gossip’ and ‘The Rumour’ for their new EP. Josh’s mother jumped to her feet at his arrival and wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. Only a mother could do that with someone who looked completely stinkin’.

Mrs Franceschi had invited me, my mother and Erin around to see Josh home. My mother was really good friends with Josh’s parents and Elissa and Erin were soon on the way to becoming the best of friends. It seemed fitting for all of us to be there. Unfortunately, Tash had been invited too.

“Oh my God,” Elissa cringed away from her brother as she edged through the doorframe to get into the living room. “Josh please go and shower.”

“The venue’s shower broke at the last show we played and we’d checked out of the hotel already.” He shrugged and smiled at me. I grinned back. “We stayed a few days and slept in the truck.”

“I don’t care, go and shower,” Elissa repeated and pinched her nose together using her index and thumb. “For the sake of us all.”

“I’m still not happy about that,” Anne scolded her son. “Sleeping in that van?”

“Did everyone get home okay?” I asked when Elissa had settled down.

“Yeah, Chris and Matt are on their way home now, they just dropped me off. Max went home with his dad who’d come up to keep an eye on us.” He rolled his eyes and collapsed onto the sofa next to Tash and opposite me. “We saw Dan home bout forty minutes ago. You have no idea how long it takes to load and unload that drum kit.”

“Yeah but we can smell the effort,” Elissa jibbed and Josh, too tired, just waved his hand in her direction.

“Maybe you should invest in a tour one and a practice one,” Erin suggested helpfully.

“Yeah,” Josh muttered and closed his eyes. I knew our presence wasn’t going to stop him falling asleep.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Tash said slightly agitated. “Where have you been? Why are you a few days late back?”

His eyes flickered open and he glanced sideward’s at her.

“We recorded a few songs for our EP, there was this awesome recording place up there so we thought hey why not?”

“Do we get to hear them?” I pressed on and his eyes flickered to mine. He groaned, sat up and rummaged through his backpack. He flung a cased disk in my direction which I caught.

“Can I put it on?” I asked Anne. She nodded enthusiastically and I got to my feet.

“You could have called or something.” I heard Tash scold Josh as I put the disk in the player.

“Joshua, please go and shower, you’re stinking up the living room,” Elissa hissed again. I snickered and glanced over my shoulder at him.

“Tomorrow,” he disagreed and closed his eyes again.

“Now,” Elissa insisted and got to her feet.

“Alright! Alright!” Josh groggily got to his feet and headed out of the door as I hit the play button. ‘The Rumour’ was the first on the listing. It was impressive. Complex sounds, layered tracks and I loved the ending where Josh and screamed at the same time. ‘Gossip’ was equally as good but it was more simple. When the sounds of ‘Noises’ started the whole room frowned in confusion. Josh returned when ‘This Turbulence is Beautiful’ had finished. His growingly long hair was wet and all over the place, he’d obviously quickly towel dried it. He’d shoved on a pair of jogging pants and a ‘Bring Me The Horizon’ hoody. Even though he’d cleaned up well he still looked shattered.

“Why is Noises and This Turbulence on here?” Erin asked him curiously.

“Yeah, what happened to Moby Dick Ain’t Got Shit On Me?” I asked in confusion.

His nose crumpled to accompany his shrug.

“We didn’t think it had the right vibe. It’s okay to play live but not really on the EP. Anyways, I liked Noises and Turbulence, it’s the best of the previous and we’re only going to sell this one now.”

“What’s it called?” Elissa asked, more happily now he was clean.

“Dunno yet. Untitled 4 Track EP.”

We all laughed.

“You what?” Tash asked him, her legs curled up on the sofa. She had one arm around the back of the sofa where she played with the back of his hair and her other hand entwined their fingers. I felt sick again. After only having the memory of the two, the new fresh hit was just as bad as the first time.

“That’s what it’s currently called.” Josh leant back into Tash’s stroke, his pleased smile hurt like hell. “We’ll come up with something before we have to sell it. Actually, speaking of which, how’s MySpace?” He looked at me seriously. Whilst they’d been away I’d been in charge of managing it.

“Oh umm,” I trailed off guiltily. “I need to check it tonight. Last week you had a load of emails from fans saying the usual stuff. ‘You’re music is amazing’. ‘Please come play near me’. ‘I love you’. Etcetera.”

Tash didn’t like that.

“People say that to you?” she demanded.

“Course they’re going to say that,” Erin laughed. “A group of famous gorgeous talented boys?” I swear Tash’s eyes narrowed at Erin. Anger spiked my system. “That’s a price of fame. They’ll have hundreds of girls screaming after them.”

“Thanks,” Josh said cheerfully from the sofa and I laughed. It was so good to have him home. If this is how I felt with just Josh, I couldn’t wait to see the rest of my boys.

***

“You sure you’re gonna be able to fit this in?” I asked, the phone pressed to my ear as I scrolled down the email again. “We’re starting college soon.”

“Yes, I know, we’ll be fine,” Josh’s hyped up voice told me he was more awake than he was half an hour ago. He’d practically been asleep when we’d left last night and I really didn’t expect him to wake today.

“Alright,” I sighed close the email down, spinning on my chair to look around my room. “Fightstar eh? I guess that’s a pretty good deal actually.”

“I know,” Josh replied excitedly.

“Shouldn’t you check with the guys to see if they’re free before you rush into anything?”

“Yeah, I will, as soon as I get off the phone to you.”

“Thanks Josh,” I muttered flatly.

“You know what I mean.”

“Aren’t we seeing them later? You’re the only one I’ve had the pleasure of seeing so far.”

“Yeah, I guess so, I’ll ask them then.”

“So don’t touch the email til you do!” I warned him and crawled onto my bed.

“Fine.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you at three?”

“Yeah, see- no wait. I’m seeing Tash until five, I’ll catch up with you yeah?” And he hung up. The phone remained pressed to my ear for several more moments as I resisted the urge to throw it against the wall. Rejection.