I Just Had to Lick the Cookie, Didn't I?

I hate living without you
Dead wrong to ever doubt you
But my demons lay in waiting
Tempting me away
Oh how I adore you
Oh how I thirst for you
Oh how I need you

"Give me a bottle of Rivola," I ordered the nerdy guy behind the counter. He stared at me with narrowed eyes.

"And how old are you exactly?" he asked suspiciously. I glared at him. This liquor store was empty and there weren't any cameras to catch what was happening.

"Seventeen, and I could care less if you'll go to jail for selling me alcohol. I want some fucking wine before I start doing really stupid things."

"Sorry, can't help you."

"Listen to me damn it!" I shouted, slamming my hands down on the counter. "You can either give me the wine or you can feel really bad when you realize I ended up dead because I did something stupid. Seriously, you probably give all of your stupid friends free crap and I'd bet they're illegal too. So just give me the damn wine before I kick your ass."

"Right. I doubt you could hurt me."

"True, but I'd try. And between you and me, I fight dirty."

"Sorry, can't help you."

"God almighty! You're being ridiculous! I'm not leaving until I get my wine," I pouted childishly, crossing my arms and staring at him hard. I WOULD get that wine.

An hour later I was still staring at the kid behind the counter. The bell on the door rang as some middle-aged biker dude came in. I smiled to myself and tore my gaze from the nerdy kid.

"Excuse me sir," I said. The old guy looked at me. "I'll give you fifty bucks if you buy me some Rivola."

"Not a problem," he mumbled and then proceeded to the counter. Freaky nerdy kid sold him some nasty whisky and the guy bought me my Rivola. "Here," he said and handed me the bottle. I handed him a fifty and stuck my tongue out at the kid behind the counter. He glared at me as I strode out of the little shop and onto the New York sidewalk.

I walked to Central Park and found a bench to sit on. Gloomily, I scanned the park. There were a few couples walking about and a few old folks feeding birds. With a heavy sigh, I looked down at the cold bottle in my hands and read the label a few times. This was going to be fun.

The cork was a pain in the ass to get out without a corkscrew, but I did it. The wine's aroma taunted me and I smiled to myself. Hakim was going to be shocked. First of all, I got off the couch. Second, I left the apartment and went outside. Thirdly, I was about to get totally wasted. On a park bench.

I licked my lips and stared up at the sky.

For two weeks I'd been following the same schedule. I'd get up from my hour of sleep, walk into the kitchen, get some water, throw on some clothes, check the couch and various other places for cash and loose change, and then trudge out of Hakim's apartment. All after the latter had left of course. Hakim had started noticing a few differences, but he wasn't catching on.

Every day I'd walk to the same liquor store and buy the same wine with the same scheme: fifty bucks for a bottle. It had been working great. After that I'd walk to central park, find my bench, plop down and drink away. I couldn't have asked for more.

"Excuse me," a voice growled. Groaning, I opened my eyes and glared up at an unfamiliar face.

"What?" I snapped.

"Listen, I just moved my stand over here. If you're going to be here every day like this, I'm going to file a police report. You're costing me business."

I sat up and continued to glare at the man. He glared back behind his wrinkly face and huge grey beard. Stupid man.

"Whatever, just give me a minute," I told him hotly. He grunted and walked back over to his stand, something I hadn't noticed before. It was a magazine stand. I rolled my eyes and left before saying another word to the guy.

"Adriaan!" Hakim shouted, bursting into his apartment. I looked over to him from the sofa. Leo's head moved to look at him too. Hakim's gaze fell on the two of us and he cringed. "This is disgusting Adriaan."

"Whatever," I replied shortly. Hakim snarled at my response.

"Adriaan, seriously, get a hold of yourself. That Logan kid was just messing with you. They all were. Let it go. Besides, why would you want to be with him? Who knows when he'd try to kill himself again and succeed? Move on already. You look like shit."

By then, another two weeks after I first started wallowing over my loss of Milo, I'd nearly reached my limit of emotional abuse. Hakim was constantly saying things like that. They wounded me deep, but he didn't know. He never knew what I went through.

"Honestly, you could have a great future if you just cleaned yourself up a bit. What ever happened to Megan, your riding instructor? I liked her, and you were great! Why don't you do that? I can look for a new stable for you to ride at. You could get yourself back together that way. Come on, it sounds like a great plan. You just need to get back into it again and you'll be ready for the Olympics. Remember that? Dad and Gabrielle were so proud of you, getting accepted. What do you say?" Hakim asked me excitedly.

I was inwardly groaning the entire time. Riding was a part of my life I had put behind me. It was too much of a reminder of what I no longer had.

"That sounds like a plan. I'll look for somewhere tomorrow. It'll be great, just you wait!" he yelled to me, walking away and to his room. For some reason I hadn't been able to say no. As much as I wanted to scream and cry, I couldn't. And because of my weakness I was going to be riding again. What a shitty day.

"Right, now I'm perfectly aware that you have extensive previous experience with horses, but since it's your first day I'm going to have you just do a bit of maintenance," Lois, the stable manager, informed me. I nodded and threw her one of my infamous fake smiles. She smiled back and started off toward the main part of the barn with all of the horses.

Once the door was opened and we left the office building, my nostrils filled with the scent of horse, manure, and hay. It was fairly noisy and I just followed behind Lois as she led me away.

"Adriaan, this is John. He's going to talk you through some things," Lois introduced me. There was a fairly chubby man that smiled brightly at me. He was a brute, but he didn't really look all there...

"How's ya doin'? I'ms real happy ta meet ya," he said, grabbing my hand and shaking it forcefully. I fake smiled at him before taking my hand back.

"John works directly with one of our bosses. After you're done here today you're free to go," Lois said before leaving me with John. He smiled at me and I nodded.

"Wells, my boss jus' bought himself a new horse awhile back. He hasn't come ta see him since we's moved 'im heres. I's been workin' extra hards on 'im jus' for when my boss comes back. But when I heards you's was comin', I had ta have you work with me. I's used ta really enjoy watchin' ya ride at the shows. Megan was a close friend of mine. She tolds me that you's was supposed ta join the Olymic team."

I wanted to groan so bad. When ever some one knows who I am from shows and stuff, they automatically bring up my offer. It's true, I was offered a spot on the Olympic team as a rider, but I declined. The offer came a bit before the accident. I had been considering it until I found out Morphic had died. We were going to do it together or not at all, that was my rule. But he got sick and that was the end.

"Heys, I's was jus' wonderin' what ever happened ta that horse of yours. He was great," John smiled, tugging my arm so I would follow him off to God knows where.

"Unfortunately," I whispered, "Metamorphic...died."

"Oh, I'ms sorry... Wells, here's we are!" John said enthusiastically. I looked up from the ground and into the box stall before me. A tall black horse was getting some water. His head turned to see who was there. He was...beautiful. As hard as it was to admit that to myself, it was true. "This here is Adonis Kira Mael. We's call 'im Adonis."

I nodded and continued to share a lasting connection with the horse.

"I'ms gonna go work around the barn. Your job's ta groom and exercise 'im. No riding though, none of that."

"Sure thing," I whispered. John gave me a pat on the shoulder before walking off.

Once John was gone I unlatched the stall door and slipped in. I closed the door and slowly approached the huge black beast. He watched me carefully before cautiously lifting his muzzle above my head. At first I was uncertain, but then I lifted my hand to stroke his velvety neck. He flinched at first, but then he lowered his head and went back to drinking his water.

An hour later I had groomed him and was putting on his expensive halter. Over that time I decided I would call him Kira instead of Adonis. He let me slip on his halter easily and then clasp on the lead. With a genuine smile on my face, I led Kira from his stall and out to where I knew the large training rings were.

For two hours, I stood in the center of a training ring lunging Kira. He moved so fluently it was almost surreal. Over time we had attracted a small crowd. I felt a little uneasy about it.

When we were done, I attached the lead back on and walked Kira to the gate. A little girl opened the gate for me and I thanked her with a slight smile. Back in the stable, I brought Kira back to his stall. He was sweaty and wet. Since it was winter, I was pretty cold, but it was worth it.

"Hey," a voice said. I looked away from Kira and to the stall door. A tall young guy was looking in. For a second I was in a daze, thinking back on when I was normal. This kid definitely would have been considered, you know, uh... good-looking I guess. Yea, that's it. The problem was I only thought about it for a second before feeling guilty and depressed again. No one would ever replace Milo, ever. I'd rather be the old lady with the crazy animals, just like I told Milo I would.

"Oh, hi," I said dejectedly, feeling the sudden wave of depression crash down on me like a giant tidal wave. The guy smiled at me and I turned back to grooming Kira again. I heard the stall door slide open and someone enter. Immediately I felt even worse. If this guy tried to flirt or whatever, I was going to feel really bad.

"I'm Teivel, who are you?" he asked.

You see, the strangest thing was that hardly anyone knew who I was. After spending two months publicly with Milo---who was obviously extremely famous---no one remembered me. At all. It was so weird, but I liked it. I mean, the media was all over me when they got a shot or whatever, but normal people could have cared less.

"Adriaan. Look, I just want to say this now, I'm not interested at all in having a relationship unless you can understand that we'd only be friends," I replied, turning around to look at him again. Another pang of depression stung my heart. I missed Milo more than ever and I was about to cry.

"That's fine. Besides, I'm just trying to be friendly. If I'm going to be seeing more of you, I'd like to have introduced myself."

I was giving this guy the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately I'd only had very bad experiences with the opposite gender. Matthew did things to me, Milo tried to kill himself, and other than that I'd had pervs hitting on me.

Hakim picked me up and brought me home later. It was late afternoon and I immediately took a shower. Once I was redressed I clipped Leo's leash on and decided to take him for a walk through Central Park.

"Oh my god! He's so gorgeous!" a girl squealed. Her and her friend were coming up in front of Leo and me. The girl that had spoken was staring down at a magazine, I couldn't see the cover. Her friend was shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

"Wow. Seriously Emily. And look at that right there. Why are you so obsessed over him? He's an attention freak. No honestly depressed person would admit to having issues unless they wanted attention," the friend said logically. On any normal occasion I would have agreed.

"Oh, come on. He's too pretty for that. Why would he lie?" Emily asked. They both stopped about ten feet from me. I took a deep breath as Emily raised her magazine a little higher.

At first I only saw the title, Teen Touch, and then I saw the unmistakable green eyes.