I Just Had to Lick the Cookie, Didn't I?

Eager to please,
Trying to be what they need
But I'm so very tired
I've stopped trying to find
Any peace in my mind
Because it tangles the wires
But if you keep real close
Yeah, you stay real close
I will reach you

---------

"Adriaan?" Hakim asked. I tore my eyes from the television and looked at my brother. It was my day off from working at the stable. Leo was lying next to me on the sofa. Hakim had just walked in the door and seen my crying. He dropped his bag and ran over to me. Over time he'd forgotten what a mess I was. With having a job and being semi-normal for awhile, he couldn't understand why I was expressing such a painful feeling. "What's the matter? What is it?" he asked hurriedly, running over and enveloping me in his arms.

"Look," I squeaked and pointed at the television. It was on pause. Hakim glanced at it for a second before turning back to me.

"What?"

"Push play," I said and burst into sobs. Hakim's face took on a look of extreme concern, but he pushed the play button anyways.

There they were again, his face, his words, his voice. Milo was on the television, speaking and singing, and it played on my heart like no other. Deep down I knewthose were meant for me. The songs he sang were mine and his dedication belonged to me.

Once it was over and the television started playing the whole thing over, Hakim pushed pause. He fell back onto the sofa beside Leo and sighed.

"What have I done?" he asked no one in particular. At first I ignored the comment. "It wasn't supposed to be like this. Adriaan, I'm sorry."

It was with those words that I realized my brother had done something horrible.

"What did you do?" I asked him hysterically. It was too much to make eye contact, so I continued to stare at the paused television.

"I--I...They said it was for the best. I had no idea that you were okay with it all. So, we separated you two..." Hakim told me slowly.

"What do you mean?" I questioned angrily after I composed myself a bit. "Who?"

"The Boones. They contacted me and told me it was best for both of you if you were separated you and him from one another. I thought that would be a good thing. I mean, I didn't think you liked being forced to marry someone. Then after all this pain it's caused you I'm finally realizing that it was a bad choice. You two actually love each other and I can see that now... Adriaan I'm sorry."

"How could you?!" I screamed, leaping up from my spot on the sofa. Hakim flinched and Leo watched me curiously. "How could you do this to me?!"

"Adriaan I--"

"I fucking hate you! I hate you just like I hate dad and my mom! Leave me alone, I never, ever want to talk to you again!"

Leaning forward, I punched Hakim in the face.

"Leo, let's go," I ordered just as Hakim groaned and grabbed hold of his bleeding nose. Leo and I ran from the apartment and down all ten flights of stairs. We bolted out of the front door to the building and onto the busy street. Leo stood beside me as I decided which way to turn. Both left and right were equally as busy, but it was matter of which way Hakim would think I went.

I finally decided on heading toward Eighty-Sixth. Leo and I tore across the pavement. My feet burned from lack of footwear. We raced through the crowds until we reached the intersection. From there we turned right and headed towards York.

People watched us curiously; some got upset when we unintentionally bumped into them. We didn't stop, Leo and me, we just kept running, sometimes doubling back to throw off Hakim in case he followed us. Eventually we somehow ended up at an entrance to Central Park, which was exactly where I didn'twant to go.

Dejectedly, I led Leo into the park and found a bench. I sat down and looked around. The first thing that caught my eye was the Ritz-Carlton. It was weird for me, considering the last hotel I'd stayed in was the Ritz-Carlton in Battery Park. I didn't think I'd ever be able to look at it the same again...

I sat and stared at the hotel for longer than I could remember... Leo just sat patiently with me in silence, even as it started to get dark.

MILO'S POV

"Ah!" I screamed and fell off of my bed. Gary had barged into my room a few seconds ago and was proceeding to open all of my curtains. The sudden light was painful. "Jesus! Shut those!"

"No, you need to stop with this...being depressed stuff. It's making me angry. If you just realized that the only way you're getting her back is if you dosomething about it..."

"I can't! Gary, I'm hopeless, and you know the sun causes my migraines!"

"Oh please! You're only hopeless because you think you're hopeless."

"Gary," I whined and rolled under the bed.

"Good God Milo, you're twenty-one years old and you're acting like you're five."

"Correction," I said, popping my head out from under the bed to look at Gary, "When I was five I didn't act like this. I acted like I was thirty."

"I know. Seriously though, come out with me. We'll go for a walk or something. You need fresh air and...food. And some exercise... Maybe a bit of sleep too... I could probably find something else that would be fun for you."

I groaned.

"Gary, I'd rather not, but thank you for caring." Sarcasm dripped from every word.

"Milo, come on. You're separating yourself and it's making me feel bad. Fox is lonely, and I got a phone call from John. Your horse man thing John, not my John. He told me that you bought a horse over a month ago and haven't even gone to see it. He's worried about you, you know. And I personally think that since you bought that poor animal, you should at least go and visit it. What ever happened to your supporting of animal rights?"

"That's totally different Gary, and you know what? Just because you brought that up, I'm converting back to vegetarianism."

Gary groaned.

"But why?" he whined. The last time I had been a vegetarian, Gary had gone through wanting to be a chef. He kept making all of these dishes that he tried to feed me, but I couldn't eat them because they had meat in them. He's been against vegetarianism ever since...

"Because. And anyway, I'd like to piss everyone off even further. Might as well, right? Seriously, enough people hate me as it is. Adriaan probably does too," I said and started to cry a little. "Why am I so stupid, Gary? What was I thinking? She was right there in front of me. Now I wouldn't be surprised if she hated my guts. I--I... I tried to kill myself even though I knew she needed me. What kind of sick person does that?"

"Milo," Gary stated firmly. "I know for a fact that Adriaan will always love you. And even if she's mad about you doing what you did, I'm sure she's willing to forgive you."

"How can she? What if I had actually died like I wanted? I wouldn't be here, and she'd be alone for the rest of her life. Or, she'd find someone new and just remember me as the famous guy that loved her, but killed himself. Gary, why do I do the things I do?"

"Hell if I know, but if you make yourself even more depressed than you are right now, I'll kick your ass. You need to pull yourself together and get out of this hole. At least go walk around the hotel. I just can't stand seeing you like this anymore."

I sighed and crawled out from under the bed. Gary smiled and ran over to me to give me a hand getting up.

"I'll go down to the lounge for an hour, and then I'm coming back up. But I think you should take Fox for a walk."

"That's good enough for me!" he announced and ran over to my dresser to get some clothes for me. He liked dressing me up, he told me that if I wasn't already filthy rich, I'd have been picked up by a modeling agency. When he first said that, I rolled my eyes. The funniest part was that after he said it, at least six modeling agencies asked me to do some modeling. I turned them down.

A pair of my jeans landed on my head. I pulled them off as Gary came back over to me excitedly.

"Here, now get dressed." I looked down at the shirt he had just given me and handed it back.

"Gary, I'm depressed and I'm not going anywhere other than the hotel lobby. I'm not wearing one of my dress shirts."

Gary groaned and then went back over to the closet to hang up the dress shirt he had wanted me to wear. Then he turned to the dresser and searched for a shirt.

"I don't understand why you waste your money on these band shirts. I find it odd." He stopped rifling through my shirts and then came over to me. "Seriously, and what they hell does this say?" he asked, holding up the black shirt. I looked from it to his priceless face and laughed.

"The Devil Wears Prada. You'd love them," I told him as genuinely as I could, because truthfully, Gary would rather tear his ears off than listen to around three minutes of screaming. Well, they don't scream or whatever the entire time, but Gary would have my head... It was funny though.

"Really?" he asked excitedly. "I'll have to listen to them sometime." I nodded and smiled, laughing in my head. He'd fallen for my lie... That was a great joke.

Chuckling, I got dressed. Gary smiled when I was dressed and started pulling me out of the room. I shook him off and walked to my coat closet for my shoes and jacket. Gary was staring as I slipped my feet into my worn-in DCs and then draped my jacket over my arm.

"I still don't understand why you bought that jacket. It seems too feminine for you, and yet you look amazing in it. It must be a natural talent..."

"Yep, definitely."

"Stop being so cocky!" he scolded and smacked my arm as we both left my room. I grinned evilly at him and he tore my jacket from over my arm. I stared at him, and my heart started to literally jump out of my chest.

It all happened in slow motion. Gary held up my jacket and the slipped into it. He twirled around once and then looked at me, smiling. He'd always admired that jacket... Then, he slid his hands into the pockets. That's when my heart exploded.

Gary's face dropped suddenly and he looked down at the pocket before turning his gaze back on me. His mouth was hanging open and a few random hotel guests eyes us curiously.

"What in the hell are you doing with these!?" Gary shouted at me, shoving a half empty box of cigarettes in my face. I gulped and averted my eyes to the wall. For some reason the wallpaper had suddenly become so fascinating...

A hand slapped me across the face and brought me back to reality.

"Maelogan Madden Boone, what are you doing with these!?" Gary yelled. I sighed and looked at him again.

"They make me feel better," I said, shrugging. Gary glared at me.

"Is that the best you can do? That's the best excuse you can come up with?"

"Would you rather I be addicted to drugs? Hmm? I didn't think so, so drop it. I can quit any time I like, and besides, I hardly smoke any. That pack is at least two months old."

Gary's eyes narrowed at me, but he angrily shoved the box back into my jacket packet anyway.

"I'm telling Adriaan. As soon as I find that girl, I'm going to tell her. Mark my words Milo, she will know."

I nodded as Gary started to strut away.

"Hey, I want my jacket back!" I called after him, jogging to catch up. He held his head high and didn't even acknowledge me.

"Nope. Now get your ass down to that lobby and do something. I'm going to take your dog for a damn walk and when I get back, you better have had something to eat. Otherwise I'm going to kick your butt."

"Sir, yes, sir," I grumbled and started to walk toward the door to the staircase.

"Oh no you don't!" Gary scolded and yanked me away from the door. "You need to do whatever you can to gain weight. Get into that elevator mister," he ordered and shoved me toward the electrical contraption.

He walked away as the doors closed and I sighed. I was all alone in a metal box... That made for a wicked metaphor. I really was all alone, and it was like I was in a box. Only my box was glass, not metal. Speaking of glass, I reminded myself of a poem I had written back in school.

It was called Glass. The poem itself was only read by one other person than myself, and that was Cadan. He's the reason I shoved it into the back of my notebook and never looked at it again. He told me it was stupid and that it didn't make sense. But I was just beginning to realize that no one truly understood how I felt because they didn't feel the same way. Cadan didn't understand the poem because he didn't feel my pain. Cadan wasn't on the outside looking in, and he never would be.

However, I had met someone like me. She was the one person I knew I could confide in and not be judged. Adriaan thought and felt the same way I did, and that's why I'd fallen in love with her so quickly.

It was like a light bulb had went off in my head. The fog was starting to disappear...