Learning To Live

It was weird being ni someone's home in the spirit world instead of the living one. He seemed so calm about it all. The chatter in my head slowed and this time my thoughts were clear. I sighed my relief, I was no longer tense.

"Explain why you are here and I will see how I can help." I fully looked at him. He had a wine red shirt with the 3/4 sleeves that i like a lot. Joshua also wore khaki colored pants and brown loafers and they too were dull.

"I'm here because I want to be here. There is nothing for me back home."

He gave me a look that said it all. He wanted to mention my family and friends but i shook my head at him.

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Yes I do, you were about to mention the people I left behind."

"Wrong, I was going to ask if you ever planned a future for yourself."

See he threw me off with that question. Everyone thinks of their future and makes plans. It was part of life and the ones he didn't were the slackers or the confused people. I wasn't confused about what I wanted. So what did that make Andrew? Did that mean this was his future? It must have showed on my face that I was thinking about him because joshua looked worried.

""I want to be a photographer." I almost forgot about that. Traveling the world to see the good, bad, and the ugly. Show people what I saw.
"Well my own version of a photo journalist. Work for myself, and write out what I saw, like a picture book." He smiled and I was able to see how amazing it was; if only I had a camera

"So you are willing to throw away your life for one person?"

"I can't throw away what I don't have."

"You breath don't you? And eat, sleep take showers do chores. Have dreams and goals right? That's a living person. And you are going to throw it all away for someone who is already gone." He was being mean. That doesn't make me living because that can be a damn robot.

"Get up."

"What?"

"You heard me woman, get your ass up." His voice went a little hard when he said that.

"Don't curse at me."

"Don't make me repeat myself." Eww...just when I thought he was cool.

"Walk up the stairs."

"Why?"

"Because I'm helping you tat's why now move. Sheesh."

"Don't have to be rude about it though."

"You don't have to ask a million question though."

I had tried to mumble but he heard me. Damn my non-whispering ways. Joshua was demanding but isn't that what I needed. His help to figure this I saw his parents kissing and him on Christmas as a kid. The family dog running after him. The beach with the father , song and dog laying on the sand sun bathing.

"My mother's version of photo journalism."

"You were a cute baby." He took me to a room that was special to his mother. Pictures of her on a boat and of her with her husband as well. Their wedding photos and of her pregnant. Pictures of the dog as a puppy with Joshua laying on him. She was amazing to have captured each moment this way. I looked around the room to see a layer of dust on the desk and bookshelves. Even the framed pictures had a thin layer coating it.

"She's dead isn't she?" I said it so softly, hoping it would hurt him is spoken that way.

"Yeah, stage three of breast cancer but called it quits before she even tried the chemotherapy."
I kept my back towards him, not wanting to show that I was crying. This woman could have fought to fer life because she had talent/ She had a family but she gave in.

"Don't think by hiding your face I can't tell your crying." I turned around and smiled at him then felt dumb for smiling.

"Sorry."

"No need."

"What was her name?"

"Anjali, she was Indian, but born in America."
It explains her skin color and hhair. He had her eyes though. I looked at her library to see she was an avid reader. I picked up one book who's title intrigued me. She Comes Undone by Wally Lamb.

"If you think you have problems then you should read that book." I opened it, scanning its pages when halfway through the book was a folded piece of paper with his name on it.

"This is for you." His face hardened and I saw the confusion in his eyes. He told me to put it back in the book and from his eyes I knew he never saw this before.

"Okay I'm going to be honest with you. You have about three days left to go back to your body or you will stay trapped."
I placed the book back and began to silently cry.

"What happens when I become trapped?"

"You stay here, no moving forward, no gong back. Stuck with your rambling. And if you become angry in this state then well the outcome isn't so great."
Not that again. I can't deal with the rambling again. I wasn't ready to go back either thouhg. I just wanted to stay with Andrew. Everything wasturning out to be more complicated than needed. I felt lonely and small, an ant in a big shell. Andrew had a way of making me feel whole and important.

"Should I repeat that for you?"

"No, and no need for all the attitude either got it. You are helping not commanding so no need for the snootyness."
He luaghed while walking out the room. Do I amuse everyone or is it just my imagination?

I looked at the picture of his parents together one more time. I saw me and Andrew. I am not in love with him but when you become so close to someone it feels like you have.
"Get down stairs already!" Joshua yelled from the bottom landing. Ugh he needed a swift kick. I left the room closing the door behind me. His mother did it, she told her story but threw it all away befor even trying to battle the hardest moment of her life. And here I am, a lonely girl who can't cope with her best friends death. She made me feel as if what I'm doing is child's play and I don't mean the movie.