Learning To Live

"Look I have to go now." I looked up at him, just a bit shocked that he was leaving me alone.

"What? You can't leave I have three days left to figure this out."

"Well two actually because in the real world it is getting late, last thing I need is my father worrying on why I haven't come back."

"Oh he knows you do this?" Joshua explained how another person found a letter but it was addressed to his dad. His father had listened to him and believed it all.

"I actually didn't think I was going to get a letter till now."
His eyes never looked up at mine. They were cast down watching his feet keep still.

"Oh...so what am I suppose to do while you're gone?"

"Write umm...shit, hm, write what goes on in your head. The conversations that take place, so that means putting away the glass for an hour or whatever. After you write it all down put the glass back in your pocket and make sense of yourself. Just remember that is all resides on you. I'm not allowed to force you in any way so try your best to figure it all out." He laughed a little at this and I wondered why. I sure didn't find this funny and I didn't want to.

He touched my right shoulder and made way for the door.

"Where should I stay?" I felt lost but I didn't want to leave. His home was comforting, better than how my home felt.

"Stay here if you want like, go to your favorite place any place you want that makes you feel like you."

Joshua walked out the door and left me alone in his house. With this piece of glass I felt tired. The weight of my eyelids putting force on me. The stings to the side of my eyes but they always tend to move to the back when I'm rubbing them. When I finally reached Joshua's room I noticed he had the sea glass on the walls as well. Not only glass from the deep blue but mosiac pieces as well. I saw hints of red peeking out as well as yellow among the blue and green. It was captivating, as if I was staring at the ocean itself. I was suppose to write but his room was intoxicating, holding me captive in a trance. His bed was diving, laying on a thick layer of goose down feathers. I immediately feel asleep, couldn't hold on any longer.

"So you are just going to sleep your days away or what?"
This voice sounded so familiar but my body was glued to the bed I wouldn't dare wake up.

"Nautilus I know you hear me so get up."

"How long have I slept?" I kept my body still and my eyes shut willing him to go away.

"Two hourse." That's it? Only two stinking hours?

"Leave me alone Andrew."

"No I'm getting tired of this Naut! This isn't a game or a movie. No replays or retries you got it?"
Yeah I understood him, I just didn't get why he was giving so much attitude. It wasn't neccessary.

"Andrew...just leave me alone go be happy as you wanted to be."

"What kind of friend would I be if I left you like this? You may be able to do that but not me."
A whip to my back; I felt the sting. That was brutal and all I wanted to do was cry myself to sleep. I sat up in the bed and touched the glass in my pocket. I didn't want negative energy in Joshua's room because I know he felt it. Just like I knew he woke up as soon as he left.

"That wasn't called for Andrew." I looked at the glass because Andrew's stare was like being pinned on a dart board.

"How? This whole time I'm worrying about you. Wondering if you will stay trapped here or take your ass back home. I can't be myself without worrying about you."

I got up from the bed, my hand still in my pocket. I looked at him, seeing the anger in his eyes, I left him there in Joshua's room. Andrew followed me down the stairs and to the front door.

"You need to stop running away from everything."

"I'm not running away."

"So what are you doing now?" I opened the front door to Joshua's house and saw the sun set. I wanted to sit down and as I thought that a pair of benches appeared with cherry blossoms circling them. I smiled because it felt right.
I walked over to the circle, touching the trunk of the cherry blossoms feeling its rough exterior.
I sat on one of the benches and answered Nadrew.

"Every word that spills from your mouth is slap in my face, I get that now. You want me gone but I can't just get up and leave."

"Naut - " I raised my hand to stop him from talking.

"Someone is here to help me and I feel it working, but being mean to me isn't going to make me move faster. Congrats for you being where you want to be but I have to now figure out where I want to be."
He stood silent; I was grateful for that.

"Bashing me on the type of friend I am is love. I makes me wonder how close we were and it makes me sad that I see this after you die."

"I-I'm sorry I know it was uncalled for you just got me mad."

"I won't accept your apology just yet but I'm asking you to leave me alone. I can do this without you." He nodded his head and then left.
Since I was awake I would try to do what Joshua asked me to do. I took the glass out my pocket and set it aside. A pen and notebook restong on my lap, I let the chaos begin.

"am i really a good friend? nonsense of course you are. then why did it feel true, oh god this is so hard, im so lost...