Status: slow active
Head Over Heels
Ever Fallen In Love With Someone
Before I fully start and explain my life, let me just say one thing.
I’m a terrible person.
You don’t have to believe me but it’s the truth. Why? I just am.
Anyway today is just another typical boring day at the hellhole I hate to call school. It’s the first block of the day and nobody I talk to sits near me. I sit in the back of my English class while everyone I know sits in the front of the room. It sucks. I sigh deeply, my attention not on my teacher Mrs. Harrison at all. I stare out the window and a small smile creeps across my face as I look. A boy with light brown hair steps out of his mother’s car and starts to rush into the building. I roll my eyes. He over slept again. How typical of him. I don’t think he’s ever woken up on his own. It’s just one of the many things that I love about him. Not that I would ever tell him that I love him. That would not go over well if I told him.
I turned away from the window and sighed deeply. I actually tried to focus on the board and what Mrs. Harrison was saying. Which is something I rarely ever do. That didn’t last long though as the boy that was previously outside stumbled into the room out of breath.
“Ah Parker nice of you to join us.” She said sarcastically. “Even though you’re more then twenty minutes late. Take a seat.” She says turning back to the board. Parker starts to find a seat. He gives a high five to a boy named Ian as he walks by. I feel bad. I didn’t even notice that Ian was there the whole time. I should have known he was there. Parker looks around some more looking for a seat. When he notices there’s an empty one next to me he smiles wide and walks my way. I try not to blush. It will give me away if I do or he might think its just me being shy, he’s used to it anyway.
“Hey Tanner.” He says. I swear I melt inside his voice is so smooth. “Dude you didn’t come over last night.” He pouted. “I was bummed out.”
“I’m sorry. I would have came over but I had to help my mother with some stuff.” I felt bad that I could lie to him so easily. My mother didn’t need my help with anything. I just didn’t want to see Parker and his girlfriend Jaz all over each other. I don’t think I could have handled it. “I’ll come over later, if that’s okay?”
“Um…I’m not sure yet. I might be busy with Jaz tonight.” He explained and I tired not to frown.
“It’s fine I’ll just spend another night alone with my mom. Ian’s busy today too, he has to go to baby sit his little sister tonight.” I say pouting.
“Awe someone’s missing their lover boy.” Parker cooed, lightly shoving me in a teasing manner. Oh god did I love his touch.
“Yeah I guess so.”
I mumbled. I couldn’t really lie and say I missed Ian. Truthfully I missed him but not a lot. I hate to say it but Ian’s just my distraction. There’s nothing wrong with him. Even though he’s my boyfriend he’s not the one I really want. I want Parker my best friend. There is no way in hell that Parker would ever want me. He’s straight. And since I can’t have him, why not go for someone that wants me? I know I’m using Ian to forget about Parker but it works…well most of the time it works. But I feel so guilty when I’m around him. Ian cares about me so much and I’m just using him to get over Parker. I’m horrible!
I try to care about Ian as much as he cares about me, I really do. But he’s just not Parker. He can never be Parker.
“Hello? Earth to Tanner. Hey Tanner are you in there?” I’m knocked out of my thoughts as Parker lightly shoves my shoulder in attempt to get my attention.
“Huh? Oh yeah what were you saying?” I ask, resisting the urge to grab his hand and keep it on my shoulder.
“I was asking if you wanted to hangout on Friday? You know just us two, like it used to be.”
“Oh yeah I’d like that. We haven’t had best friend time in ages. You’re always busy with Jaz and I’m usually with Ian. I don’t see you much anymore.”
"Yeah I know. Want to have a movie night? The weather's supposed to be warm, I can set up the projector in my backyard. We're not watching a scary movie, you know I hate them." Of coarse I knew he hated scary movies, that's why I always wanted to watch them. Every time he got scared he would jump into my lap and cling to me. I fucking loved it!
“Yep movie night on Friday sounds awesome.”
“Parker, Tanner, is there something you would like to tell the rest of the class?” Mrs. Harrison snaps tapping her ruler against her palm.
“No Mrs. Harrison.” Parker says quickly.
“Good, then pay attention.” She says sharply before turning back to the board. Parker rolls his eyes then sticks his tongue at her back and I try my hardest not to laugh. Parker lightly punches me and I start to blush again. I look down at my notebook and hope that this class is over soon. Math class is my least favorite class because I am terrible at it.
“Dude don’t worry this class will be over soon.” Parker whispers in my ear and pats my back. Damn do I seriously love his touch. I nod in response and write down the notes that make no sense to me at all. That dragged on for what felt like eternity before the bell rang. I sighed with relief and quickly started putting my stuff into my bag.
“Hey baby.” I hear a familiar voice whisper and I look up at my boyfriend Ian.
“Hi Ian.” I say softly. He grabs my hand and squeezes it lightly. I look up at him and smile. He really is a sweet guy. I just wish I could like him as much as he likes me.
“So I’m free on Friday and I wanted to know if you wanted to go out? One of us is usually busy so we haven’t had a lot of time alone together.”
“Well actually Parker and I were having a movie night on Friday so-“
“Dude we could totally double date.” Parker buts in. “It would be perfect. You two, Jaz and me. I’m setting up my projector in my backyard. We’ll put out blankets and stuff it will be awesome!”
Ian laughed and I smiled pretending that I liked the idea. “Yeah that’s a good idea.” Ian says, bringing me closer to his chest.
“I’ll run it by Jaz first. So I’ll see you guys later, I promised her I’d walk her to class.” He hugs the both of us before walking off.
“You don’t mind that it’s a double date do you? I know you haven’t spent time with him in a while. I mean he is your best friend and all, I wouldn’t want to get between that.” Ian asks me and I start to feel guilty. He’s so fucking nice, why does he want me?
“No its fine. I miss hanging out with you too.” I say before I leaned up and kissed him.
“The next time he asks I’ll say no.”
“You don’t have too.”
“But I know you’re sad about it. You miss your best friend time. I don’t want to get between your friendship Tanner.” Seriously? Why is he so god damn nice?
“Um…t-thank y-you.” Ian leans down and kisses me. I can’t help but wonder what Parker’s lips would feel like against mine.
“You’re welcome.” He says smirking before leading us to our second period class. I still can’t help but feel guilty for having a boyfriend I don’t deserve.
Now do you understand why I think I’m a horrible person?
I’m a terrible person.
You don’t have to believe me but it’s the truth. Why? I just am.
Anyway today is just another typical boring day at the hellhole I hate to call school. It’s the first block of the day and nobody I talk to sits near me. I sit in the back of my English class while everyone I know sits in the front of the room. It sucks. I sigh deeply, my attention not on my teacher Mrs. Harrison at all. I stare out the window and a small smile creeps across my face as I look. A boy with light brown hair steps out of his mother’s car and starts to rush into the building. I roll my eyes. He over slept again. How typical of him. I don’t think he’s ever woken up on his own. It’s just one of the many things that I love about him. Not that I would ever tell him that I love him. That would not go over well if I told him.
I turned away from the window and sighed deeply. I actually tried to focus on the board and what Mrs. Harrison was saying. Which is something I rarely ever do. That didn’t last long though as the boy that was previously outside stumbled into the room out of breath.
“Ah Parker nice of you to join us.” She said sarcastically. “Even though you’re more then twenty minutes late. Take a seat.” She says turning back to the board. Parker starts to find a seat. He gives a high five to a boy named Ian as he walks by. I feel bad. I didn’t even notice that Ian was there the whole time. I should have known he was there. Parker looks around some more looking for a seat. When he notices there’s an empty one next to me he smiles wide and walks my way. I try not to blush. It will give me away if I do or he might think its just me being shy, he’s used to it anyway.
“Hey Tanner.” He says. I swear I melt inside his voice is so smooth. “Dude you didn’t come over last night.” He pouted. “I was bummed out.”
“I’m sorry. I would have came over but I had to help my mother with some stuff.” I felt bad that I could lie to him so easily. My mother didn’t need my help with anything. I just didn’t want to see Parker and his girlfriend Jaz all over each other. I don’t think I could have handled it. “I’ll come over later, if that’s okay?”
“Um…I’m not sure yet. I might be busy with Jaz tonight.” He explained and I tired not to frown.
“It’s fine I’ll just spend another night alone with my mom. Ian’s busy today too, he has to go to baby sit his little sister tonight.” I say pouting.
“Awe someone’s missing their lover boy.” Parker cooed, lightly shoving me in a teasing manner. Oh god did I love his touch.
“Yeah I guess so.”
I mumbled. I couldn’t really lie and say I missed Ian. Truthfully I missed him but not a lot. I hate to say it but Ian’s just my distraction. There’s nothing wrong with him. Even though he’s my boyfriend he’s not the one I really want. I want Parker my best friend. There is no way in hell that Parker would ever want me. He’s straight. And since I can’t have him, why not go for someone that wants me? I know I’m using Ian to forget about Parker but it works…well most of the time it works. But I feel so guilty when I’m around him. Ian cares about me so much and I’m just using him to get over Parker. I’m horrible!
I try to care about Ian as much as he cares about me, I really do. But he’s just not Parker. He can never be Parker.
“Hello? Earth to Tanner. Hey Tanner are you in there?” I’m knocked out of my thoughts as Parker lightly shoves my shoulder in attempt to get my attention.
“Huh? Oh yeah what were you saying?” I ask, resisting the urge to grab his hand and keep it on my shoulder.
“I was asking if you wanted to hangout on Friday? You know just us two, like it used to be.”
“Oh yeah I’d like that. We haven’t had best friend time in ages. You’re always busy with Jaz and I’m usually with Ian. I don’t see you much anymore.”
"Yeah I know. Want to have a movie night? The weather's supposed to be warm, I can set up the projector in my backyard. We're not watching a scary movie, you know I hate them." Of coarse I knew he hated scary movies, that's why I always wanted to watch them. Every time he got scared he would jump into my lap and cling to me. I fucking loved it!
“Yep movie night on Friday sounds awesome.”
“Parker, Tanner, is there something you would like to tell the rest of the class?” Mrs. Harrison snaps tapping her ruler against her palm.
“No Mrs. Harrison.” Parker says quickly.
“Good, then pay attention.” She says sharply before turning back to the board. Parker rolls his eyes then sticks his tongue at her back and I try my hardest not to laugh. Parker lightly punches me and I start to blush again. I look down at my notebook and hope that this class is over soon. Math class is my least favorite class because I am terrible at it.
“Dude don’t worry this class will be over soon.” Parker whispers in my ear and pats my back. Damn do I seriously love his touch. I nod in response and write down the notes that make no sense to me at all. That dragged on for what felt like eternity before the bell rang. I sighed with relief and quickly started putting my stuff into my bag.
“Hey baby.” I hear a familiar voice whisper and I look up at my boyfriend Ian.
“Hi Ian.” I say softly. He grabs my hand and squeezes it lightly. I look up at him and smile. He really is a sweet guy. I just wish I could like him as much as he likes me.
“So I’m free on Friday and I wanted to know if you wanted to go out? One of us is usually busy so we haven’t had a lot of time alone together.”
“Well actually Parker and I were having a movie night on Friday so-“
“Dude we could totally double date.” Parker buts in. “It would be perfect. You two, Jaz and me. I’m setting up my projector in my backyard. We’ll put out blankets and stuff it will be awesome!”
Ian laughed and I smiled pretending that I liked the idea. “Yeah that’s a good idea.” Ian says, bringing me closer to his chest.
“I’ll run it by Jaz first. So I’ll see you guys later, I promised her I’d walk her to class.” He hugs the both of us before walking off.
“You don’t mind that it’s a double date do you? I know you haven’t spent time with him in a while. I mean he is your best friend and all, I wouldn’t want to get between that.” Ian asks me and I start to feel guilty. He’s so fucking nice, why does he want me?
“No its fine. I miss hanging out with you too.” I say before I leaned up and kissed him.
“The next time he asks I’ll say no.”
“You don’t have too.”
“But I know you’re sad about it. You miss your best friend time. I don’t want to get between your friendship Tanner.” Seriously? Why is he so god damn nice?
“Um…t-thank y-you.” Ian leans down and kisses me. I can’t help but wonder what Parker’s lips would feel like against mine.
“You’re welcome.” He says smirking before leading us to our second period class. I still can’t help but feel guilty for having a boyfriend I don’t deserve.
Now do you understand why I think I’m a horrible person?
