I Want a Taste of Your Medicine

I woke up on the floor beside my door and shivered. I cried myself to sleep last night. It was supposed to be a night of drinking and partying and Marshall coming home, but it turned into an episode of Dawson's Creek.

I knew that I would have to talk to Adam about this whole thing today and I wasn't looking forward to it. What I felt last night towards him was a craving for his body. I think that I might like Adam, but I mean after I talked with Max and the things he said to me, I don't no it made me smile.

I broke down crying again, you'd think I would have cried myself dry by now. I just layed there on the floor curled up in a ball crying my eyes out. I needed to be strong though, I needed to let everybody think that I was okay.

I felt my door open and felt defeated as Landon rushed over to me closing the door behind him. I didn't want him to see me like this, I didn't want him to think I was weak. He sat down and then cradled me in his arms like a baby. I couldn't stop myself, the tears just kept on flowing.

"You'll be okay, you'll be okay," He kept whispering in my ear, but I highly doubted that I would be okay anytime soon. I wasn't just crying for Adam, I was crying because of my mom too. I missed her and I wanted to talk to her but she wouldn't let me.

Landon's arms wrapped tighter around me as he pulled me closer to his chest like he was protecting me from the pain. I knew he was just trying to help but I needed to know why he was doing this, why he cared.

"Don't you hate me?" I asked, through my sobs. I looked up at him and tried to wipe away as many tears as I could, although I knew they would start up again very soon.

"I don't know what you talked about with Adam that started this whole thing, but it's not your fault. I mean you're only human and you need sex sometimes," He said lightly rubbing my back.

"I don't do stuff like that, I feel like such a whore," We both layed down together, my head resting on his chest. It didn't mean anything though, it was just pure comfort that we both needed. I knew there was something going on with Landon, but I felt like if he could trust me he could tell me on his own terms.

"You're just confused," He said, trying to make me think differently of the situation. "You're supposed to experience sex when you're a teenager, you're supposed to enjoy yourself, not tear yourself down for even thinking it," I hugged him tighter to me, letting him know how much I appreciated him being here for me.

"How can I face everyone?" I said crying into his shirt. He didn't seem to mind, he just played with my hair and tried to make me feel better.

"Just let Adam know everything you're feeling and things will be fine. I mean, he's got to have known that he wouldn't have gotten very far with you. It may have seemed like it last night, but you know yourself well enough to know that you would have stopped,"

"How do you know?" I asked, sitting up now.

"Because no one feels this guilty about sex," He said, smiling at me. I laughed a little bit and looked at him.

"I'm being stupid right?" I said wiping away my tears for the millionth time.

"You're just upset," He said, shrugging.

"I guess I should go up there now," I said standing up. I wasn't sure how bad or miserable this was going to turn out, but I knew that I didn't like it. Landon held out his hand for me to take and I smiled at his generosity. Maybe I was wrong about him.

"After you," He said opening the door but keeping a good grip on my hand. We walked through the door and made our way upstairs. I saw the strangest thing, it was relieving but it also hurt a little bit. Adam seemed fine, he was playing some air hockey in the living room with Max and Marshall and Jake were making food in the kitchen.

I just looked at Landon who seemed just as confused as I was and then shrugged. If everybody was willing to forget last night, then so was I. I ran over to Marshall and hugged him tightly. I missed my big brother hugs. I knew he could tell that I had been crying and that I was hurt, but he also wanted me to forget the whole thing and feel better. I guess I was okay with that.