I Want a Taste of Your Medicine

Weight Off My Shoulders

The guys had gone out surfing and it was just Jake and I sitting on the beach with chocolate chip muffins and the ocean right in front of us. I was almost done my muffin because it tasted so damn good and I was hungry.

"Do you think I did the right thing?" I asked once I was finished eating and had buried the wrapper in the sand. I looked over at Jake who seemed to be deep in thought. "I mean taking Trent back and all."

"I think you did what you thought was right, but things like these are supposed to feel right, you aren't supposed to sit around and wonder about if you did the right thing," Jake said, finally looking up at me for once. In the 20 minutes that we had spent sitting there he hadn't looked at me once.

"I love him," I said connecting my eyes with him, "But the guys just seem so worked up over it, and I guess I just have some guilt," It took a while for him to answer and when he did I wasn't sure if it was something that I wanted to hear.

"It's because they like you," Jake said, connecting his eyes with me and not looking away. "Landon likes you ... a lot, but he's never liked anyone in his life, he doesn't know what he's feeling, he's confused. Adam feels betrayed because of what happened a few weeks ago with you guys, he thought that maybe you had something and he's just bitter now. Max finds you fascinating and unique and special but he doesn't show it at all."

I processed the information and took it like a bullet. These guys liked me, liked me liked me and I hadn't even noticed. I felt like I had disrespected their feelings, but something about the thought of them liking me made me feel happy.

Landon was cute and smart, but he just wanted sex, and Adam was big and buff, but he moves too fast, and Max is hot and nice, but he makes me feel so distant sometimes. I thought about all of this and realized that I wasn't thinking about how amazing Trent was.

I should have been thinking that Trent was the only guy for me. I should have been thinking that nobody could replace him, because he was too amazing. Instead I was thinking about 3 other guys who apparently like me, but come no where near to Trent. Apparently they're a lot closer than I thought.

"Trent makes me feel good, you know? He knows the right things to say and he gets along with Marshall. He was there for me when no body else was and I don't want to lose him again, but things don't feel the same as before. I know it's been a day but I can feel that it's different," I said, Jake and I still looking at each other.

"Maybe you should just tell Trent to go home so that you can get your mind set straight before you decide anything. You'll have time to think and if things feel back to normal again then you can go home and run into his arms, but right now you have to think," Jake said shrugging like the answers to my problems were so simple.

"So break up with him and then wait until I get home to decide if we should get back together?" I asked, trying to clear up everything that he said.

"Yeah, that way you have time to think about who you really want," Jake said and I hugged him, feeling this weight come off of my shoulders. I still had a giant bowling ball on me but this took a load off, and now all I needed to do was wait for Trent and then tell him everything.

"Thank you," I said scooting away a bit and lying down. "So what's your secret, Jake?"

"What makes you think I have a secret?" He said lying down beside me.

"You seem a little out of it later, like you've discovered something and are too afraid to tell anybody," I said, looking over at him.

"It's just I think I - I, I think I-I like," He paused to look over at me and make sure that I wouldn't say anything. "Max," He breathed it out so fast that it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You like, Max?" I said sitting up now. He nodded, scared of what I might say. "You like, like, Max?" I wasn't expecting this at all, but it sort of made sense.

"I like, Max." He said looking down, and sitting up. "Just don't say anything, okay?"

"I promise not to, but do you think maybe he might li-like you too?" I didn't mean to stutter, but this was all a big surprise to me. I hadn't ever known anybody who was gay before.

"Probably not, I mean, it's sort of a big step. I'm gay," He said playing with the sand between his fingers.

"Well I'm not going to say anything, and maybe things will be better with us and maybe in time Max might like you too," I said trying to be reassuring.

"Maybe," He said and then we got up and walked back to the house.
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He's gay!