I Want a Taste of Your Medicine

My dad had just left and I knew that I should be calling my mother soon to find out her part of the story. I actually found myself not caring weather she actually wanted me as her daughter or not because I knew that no matter what our relationship was always going to be a weak one.

I was looking around for the house phone when I bumped into Landon. He didn't look happy at all to see me though. At first I was smiling but then I felt my face fall out of its playfulness and concentrate on Landon. I heard footsteps come from behind me and looked between the 2 guys in this house that I had allowed to get close to me on an intimate level.

I knew that they had planned this and they both were wearing the same look on their face. For a minute I was scared to death that they might hurt me but then they started to talk and not in a nice tone either.

"I'm sick of you toying us around," Landon said and I looked at him with a confused glance. Okay so maybe I had been leading Adam on but I knew that I had feelings for him ever since our first encounter together but with Landon; he was the one toying me around.

"Yeah because you know I made out with you a few times because I was upset and you get to do whatever with any other girl but I can't do the same with any other guy?" I said knowing that I sounded like a whore but not really caring.

"I wasn't doing anything with anybody else! If you're talking about that chick at the party she was coming on to me and I turned her down. As a matter of fact when I saw you and smiled I was about to walk over to you but you walked over to Adam. I've never felt this way towards anyone before, ever. I can't believe I actually fell in love with you, of all people," He said and then Adam started to talk before I could reply.

"You made us both fall in love with you, Pattyn and you don't even care. We were talking about it and we aren't going to let this ruin our friendship but if you want a future with either one of us, you're going to have to choose," He said and then before I knew it both guys were walking off.

I shook my head and then continued to look for the phone which I had originally been doing. I couldn't think about what they had said even though it was nagging at me. I had way too much going on in my life and the last thing I needed to worry about was who I was going to choose. For all I knew I might choose to live with my dad in Canada and then there wouldn't be a point in choosing anyways.

I finally found the phone and dialed the number of my old house. I got a machine telling me that the number was no longer connected and then slammed the phone on its base remembering that my mom had moved. I tried her cell phone but apparently she got a new one of those too. She didn't want to be found by me, and it hurt but I wasn't going to let it get to me.

I had 5 days to choose between two guys that I knew I had feelings for and 5 days to choose between two countries and two people that I want to live with. If I moved in with my dad I wouldn't have to see Landon or Adam and in ways that would be easier then staying, but if I stayed then I would get to see them everyday and in ways that would make me really happy. I knew that in both situations no matter where or who I chose, I would be hurting someone and I didn't like having that all on me.

I had so much pressure building up and I knew that it was mostly my fault for what was happening. If I had just thought about what my actions were doing to the people around me before then I wouldn't be in this mess.

I walked out to the dock and sat down letting my feet dip into the water. I started to have thoughts about suicide but they scared me and so I tried to think of something better and more peaceful. The only peaceful thing that came to my mind though was that everybody would be alot better off with me gone.

I stood up on the dock and then jumped into the water, feeling the tears escape my eyes but knowing that to everybody else it would just look like it came from the water. I ducked my head under the water and cried even harder because of my guilty thoughts. I knew I only had seconds left until my lungs would explode without having the oxygen it needed but I took my time debating on weather or not I should really just end it here.

I made my decision and I wasn't sure if it was necessarily the right one. I rose my head out of the water gasping for as much air as I could get. I got out of the water and layed on the sand in my wet clothes and hated myself for everything that I almost did. I had to face my problems though, and the biggest one I needed to face was which boy I could see myself having a future with.