When You Go, Just Know That I Will Remember You

The small club jumped with about thirty Jersey basement concertgoers. They pushed and shoved each other left and right. The whole place was a huge mosh pit. Only the brave attended these concerts, for the weak were trampled on then pushed to the back and out the door. No medics and no security guards. If they were lucky, the police would show up later to break it up.

The club was old and worn down. It was to be knocked down at the end of the month because it was a safety hazard, but that didn’t stop people who wanted to see a good show. The floor was littered with sawdust and the stage looked as if it were going to break right down the middle, but it was Jersey. It was everything that represented Jersey and the music scene behind it. It was in the heart and soul of everyone in the room.

The band on stage wasn’t playing their first show, but it would be their last in the comfort of their home state, seeing as they were about to take off to tour the east coast for the first time. One of them had done it before. He was wailing into the microphone, angrily playing his guitar, unleashing his inner demon to the crowd, and spitting on them all. Frank don’t-call-me-Lero Iero had done it all before, and now he was back to do it again. This time, he wasn’t playing second fiddle to a depressed art geek, he was running the fucking show.

With one foot on a monitor and his head leaning over the microphone, he screamed his violent lyrics to the audience. He then kicked over the stand, rolling on the floor playing as hard as he could in true Frank fashion, feeding off of the crowd's energy. He loved it. He fucking loved it. It didn’t matter if he was playing a big arena or a small basement crowd, he always gave it his all, and now that he was the main man and this was his show, he made damn sure he gave it his body, mind, and soul. His blood, sweat, and tears.

The band was just finishing their first song when Frank spotted him sneaking in. Frank didn't mind, though. Frank knew he was always late to everything. Hell, he was even late to his brother's wedding, and he was the best man; but this was a pleasant surprise. His heart even lurched a bit when he saw him.

Ray.

He wasn’t expecting any members of his old band to show up. After all, they were much too busy playing house with their girlfriends and wives to come out and see their best friend’s new band play, but to see Toro out there, damn. It moved him.

Ray, to him, wasn’t just any old best friend. They’d been though so much shit together. From keeping each other awake after one too many sleeping pills, dragging one another home after one too many beers, or putting up with each others' relationship problems, they had each others' backs, and over the years of being suck with each other twenty four seven, they developed feelings for each other. Feelings normal friends shouldn’t have.

Yet the feelings were buried and hidden deep within each other. They both had serious relationships. Frank was going to get married in a matter of months, and Ray’s girlfriend, who got him to move out of his parents house after twenty nine years of living there, was pushing engagement on him.

Neither of them acted upon their feelings, but every once in awhile they would dream about it. Dream about the forbidden fruit there friendship had become over the years. Dream about acting upon their feelings and for once, accepting the growing fact that one day, they wouldn’t be able to be friends anymore.

Yet both of them pushed it away, knowing that if they faced it, there would be no turning back. They would just live in the dark with each other, and that would be that.

Frank grinned, announcing to the crowd after the song, “I see you there, Toro. Don’t think you can sneak in unnoticed, get your ass over here! Hey everyone, give a warm welcome for my man, Ray Toro!”

Ray waved to everyone, cursing Frank under his breath for pointing him out. He didn’t want a grand entrance, but Frank was never one for making people feel unwelcomed, unless they really were. He just wanted to mill around the back, though, watching Frank.

He loved to watch Frank play. He loved the way his body moved around the sage, the way he played, the anger and violence he portrayed. Ray sighed, and just as he was getting into the show his phone went off in his pocket.

Baby, not too late tonight, okay?

He huffed, deleting the message, stuffing the phone deep into his coat pocket. He didn’t want to be reminded of her tonight. He was here for him and him alone. He wasn’t going to let her manipulate him tonight.

He watched the rest of the concert, his eyes never leaving Frank’s form. After the show, he waited by the van as Frank met and signed every fan's piece of merchandise, staying to chat with each and every one of them. As the hours passed, the phone buzzed more, but Ray ignored it. He was too busy watching Frank as he posed for pictures, gave out hugs, and accepted gifts. The fans soon went away as the night grew old. Frank went up to him and gave him a hug.

“Hey buddy, glad you could make it out tonight,” he said, smiling from ear to ear as he put his gifts away in the back of the van.

“I wanted to see you before you left, wish you good luck,” Ray said, a hint of sadness hidden in it. “I’ll miss you.”

Frank nodded in agreement, “I’ll miss you too.”

They just looked at each other for a few minutes, not knowing what to say, just lost in each others eyes.

At that moment, a girl with short brown hair snuck up behind Frank, covering his eyes, “We have to get going, Frank, or we'll never make it to the next show.”

“I’ll be there in a minute, Ja,” Frank said, dismissing her.

Ray’s phone went off, again, for the tenth time.

“Guess I better let you get on the road,” Ray said, turning to leave.

Frank took a step forward and Ray stalled in his place, turning to face Frank again.

Frank wrapped him up in one last hug, “I’m really gonna miss you, man.”

The two men held the embrace for a few seconds too long, letting go reluctantly. In a brave movement of pure impulse, Ray reached out and touched Frank’s face, caressing it lightly with the back of his hand as Frank leaned forward, brushing his lips over Ray's in a light kiss that Ray returned before they parted.

Both men blushed, embarrassed at there actions.

“I’ll call you when I am back in town,” Frank said in a low whisper. “We’ll… we’ll figure this out.”

Ray nodded, pressing his forehead to Frank’s for a few seconds, “Don’t leave.”

Frank looked at the waiting van, “Ray, I have to. Look, we will work this out when I get back. I promise.”

Ray kissed Frank one last time before they parted. Frank took off towards the van.

“I’m sorry,” Ray called to him.

Frank turned to him, half way to the van, “Don’t be. It was bound to happen someday.”

Ray nodded in agreement, shutting his eyes, as he turned away from Frank, heading to his car, taking out his phone and reading the newest message.

I’m going to bed. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight. Don’t bother to come in and say goodnight. I’ll be asleep by the time you come home.

He shook his head, shutting off his phone. He didn’t care anymore. It didn’t matter. He’d return the ring he bought for her in the morning. He didn’t need it anymore.

That night in the hotel, Frank turned to his fiancée, “Ja, we need to talk.”

The End