Hard to Say

"Kenny, please don't go."

It sounded like a cheesy line in a clichéd movie, and Martin knew it wouldn't work. Like in those movies where the person hears that and then decides against their own will to not leave and stay with the other person.

But in real life, that's not the case. And everyone knows it.

Kennedy shook his head, and picked up his bag.

"I'm sorry Martin, it doesn't work that way." he leaned over and kissed Martin gently on the cheek before opening the door.

Tears rolled down the older boys cheek, and he couldn't help but think,

Shouldn't it be the other way around?

"Please..." he said quietly, reaching out, but Kennedy was gone already.

His hand dropped, and he stared at Kennedy's retreating back, the hot tears spilling on the 'Welcome' mat. He knew he should've done something to make him come back, but he knew that Kennedy wouldn't be happy, and that's all he ever wanted.

Was to make Kennedy happy. Because if he wasn't happy, then Martin wasn't happy either.

He closed the door very softly, and wiped the tears away. Turning around, he looked at the empty house. He missed the thin arms wrapped around him when he was upset, when he was happy, or when he was angry. Those arms just made everything so much better.

But now that those arms were gone, there was nothing he could do about it. He slumped to the bedroom, laying down on the soft bed, he closed his eyes, reminiscing the times when they never fought.

When they loved, and cuddled, and spoke soft, sweet words, when they made love.

He could hear Kennedy's laugh, and his soft lips on his own. Kennedy's voice, Kennedy's heartbeat.

In a moment, Martin was fast asleep, dreaming of the one he loved for so long, thinking that this was all a horrific dream.xxx

That was all two years ago, since then, Martin and Kennedy haven't spoken, and surprisingly, Martin was okay with it.

Or so he thought....

"Martin, dude, we're going to tour again."

"With?"

"With The Maine, A Rocket To The Moon, and The Academy Is... Cool huh?"

Martin almost threw a fit, but kept his cool.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. Why?" Paul asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, uh, nothing."

It seemed like everyone forgot that Martin and Kennedy once dated, it was history, but erased from everyone's minds.

Inside, Martin was having an internal battle. He was thinking maybe he could quit the band just for the tour, and then come back when the tour was over, or maybe he could just grin and bare it.

He was thinking that choice number one sounded best.

Biting his lower lip, he was about to tell them, but he shut his mouth. For no apparent reason.

The next thing they knew, it was the 25th, and they were off for their first stop of the tour.

Oh damn...

He didn't have the heart to tell people that he was quitting, so he didn't. That's what he thought at least, but he knew that it was something else, and that's why he didn't say he was quitting.

"Oh, hey Jared."

"Hey Martin!" Jared grinned, shaking Martin's hand.

He swallowed nervously as the different band members piled out of the buses. Then came trailing at the back was, obviously, Kennedy Brock.

He was looking at the ground, wearing an old wife beater, no shoes, and some loose jeans.

"Sorry about Kenny. He hasn't been looking so hot lately." Pat whispered.

Martin nodded, his eyes beginning to sting.

Kennedy did really look not that hot. His hair was a mess, and he had bags under his eyes. He looked miserable, and all Martin wanted to do was to throw his arms around him and kiss him okay.

But he restrained himself, and grabbed Pat's arm instead.

Pat gave him this look, and Martin quickly let go. His face turned red, and he scratched his neck. "Ah heh...."

Pat shook his head and walked away. Martin bit his lower lip, and turned to look at Bryce.

"Hey man, I'm going to go, uh...Check on our stuff, yeah?"

"Why? They're fine. Plus, we haven't greeted everyone yet."

"Because I don't feel very social right now..." Martin muttered, getting ready to drop on the ground and pitch a fit.

Garrett turned around, and grinned, "Fine, if you don't feel so social, go get some food for us...Take..." he looked around and saw Kennedy moping about. He grabbed his arm and dragged him over. "Take Kenny. Make him social for us."

Kennedy freaked and yanked Garrett off of him. "WHAT??"

"GO!" everyone chorused and shoved them both away.

Determined not to cry, Martin strode ahead and walked towards the Panera that was about a block away.

Hearing no footsteps, he turned around and saw Kennedy standing in the exact same spot as he left him.

He sighed, frustrated and stalked back, grabbing Kennedy's arm roughly, and dragged him towards the Panera.

"Dammit Kennedy. Move your legs will you?"

He was literally dragging Kennedy, seeing as Kennedy's legs were either not cooperating, or he was paralyzed.

Kennedy didn't do anything, and so Martin picked Kennedy up and held him bridal style towards the restaurant.

He rolled his eyes, sniffed, and moved his head away.

Looks like Kenny hasn't taken a shower in a while...

He stood at the pedestrian crossing, and waited for the light to let them walk. Two girls walked by them, and the red-head giggled and pointed.

"They're so cute together!" she squealed.

Her brunette friend nodded, giggling.

Martin's cheeks warmed up, and he pretended he didn't hear them. He glanced up at Kennedy, and was surprised to see a small smile on his lips, but as soon as he tired to get a good look, it disappeared. He wasn't even sure if it had been there at all.

When the light signaled for them to go, they went towards the restaurant.

Martin noticed that the girls had followed them...Somewhat.

They entered the restaurant, and finally, Martin turned around at the girls.

"Can I help you?" he asked politely.

The brunette give him a cute smile, "I was just wondering if you two were together, because if you aren't, you should be."

Martin laughed lightly, "No, we aren't. He's my....friend. And thank you, but no, I don't think that'd work."

He set Kennedy down on the chair, but Kennedy kept his arms around Martin's neck.

"Kenny, you've gotta let go."

The younger boy shook his head 'no', and buried his face in the crook of Martin's neck.

"Please don't go." he mumbled.

Surprised, Martin gently pried Kennedy's fingers from his neck. "Honey, I'm just going to the line. I'll be right back." he said softly, a little confused.

Kennedy let go and finally looked up at Martin, and for the first time, they're eyes met.

Martin was surprised to see that there were tears trailing down the younger's cheeks.

"Kenny, what's wrong?" he asked, alarmed.

Kennedy bit his lower lip. "I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry Martin, I love you. I swear I do. I always have, and I was stupid to leave you, and now I'm afraid that you'll leave me, and I don't want to lose you twice, you mean the world to me, and the tour was my idea, I wanted to go on tour with you guys because I wanted to see you again..." he trailed off, tears cascading down his face now.

Martin didn't know what to say and he lowered himself down to Kennedy's height, touching his cheek, and staring at him.

Then he wrapped his arms gently around the boy that broke his heart so long ago, he was speechless, but he was sure that Kennedy knew what he wanted to say.

Kennedy sobbed into his shoulder, and Martin stroked the soft brown hair, whispering sweet nothings into his ear, and he kissed him on the forehead.

Against his own will, he comforted Kennedy as best as he could, with kisses, and laughter, just like he needed at one point, and that's all Kennedy really needed.