Her Flux

When it is in one’s nature to be stubborn, the people around that person can do so little to divert them from their indeed stubborn decisions. Erica concluded the same thing about Nathanial. He was stubborn as a mule and he did not like to be called a coward. Hidden behind layers of poise, his ego was as big as a house. In the end, he was only three years older than Erica and although he showed great intellect, in the eyes of many he was still a young boy that had a lot to learn about manners. Not that he lacked manners. He knew how to behave and enchant the ones around him, weather he did it with his words or dazzling looks. He was just too free spirited and that nagged the hell out of his poor mother.

But that free spirit of his made Erica feel just the way she wanted to feel. Free. And she would be damned if she lost that satisfaction. Her commitment to have fun was probably the reason why they were both outside and training with horses. Well, maybe training was not the most appropriate word to be used. They were doing something more in the lines of playing. After the first time Nathanial managed to get Erica to sit atop a horse, he couldn’t stop making jokes about the way she struggled to keep that position, realizing inwardly why ladies were not meant to ride horses. Firstly, their dresses prevented them from keeping the right balance and their corsets kept them from bending their bodies the right way.

But it was fun none the less; having Erica scream and cling onto his shoulders as if for dear life. It was fun capturing her in his arms when she had had enough from the dazing height. What he couldn’t get out of his head was the way her skin felt silky soft against his own. It was almost addictive.

He was having his last laugh when Erica pushed herself away from his arms and glared at him. “I cannot see the humor in this,” she said. He took the reins in his hands as they both walked towards the stables. Nathanial didn’t say much until they were both inside the stable, returning the black Thoroughbred to its stall.

“Ahh, but seeing is believing Erica,” he chuckled, before looking over her shoulder. Surprisingly, Cecile hadn’t followed them back to the stables, leaving them alone. Although she never watched them as carefully as a hawk, still… she never left the two of them wandering around. When his attention returned to Erica, however, he saw the shame that was resting upon her. He closed the stall door and walked up to her stopping at a decent distance. “All right, I apologize,” this caused her to look at him. “I had no right to mock your riding skills, although we have been at this for weeks now,” he smiled wryly.

“There it is again, the jest!”

Nathanial chuckled, putting a hand on her wrist to stop her from leaving the stable. “I apologized did I not?”

She turned around swiftly, her dress following her movements. “Your apology means nothing to me, for it does not come from your heart,” she told him. Nathanial grinned warmly as always, his bluish green eyes glistering as he gazed at her. He tightened the grip on her wrist pulling her closer and resting her hand on the left side of his chest. Her body stiffened at first, before starting to flicker like a candle in the wind. Her eyelids blinked rapidly as she looked from her hand to his eyes. She tried to pull her hand away, but he held it there firmly. “Nathanial this is not appropriate. If someone is to see us, they could misunderstand-”

“I apologize,” he said slowly, his chest vibrating under the pressure of her soft palm. Her knees trembled, but she was determined in staying on her feet, because fainting in the presence of a young man could lead to various assumptions. She tried to ignore the pain in her own chest from the corset that was burning into her flesh and merely nodded. Then Nathanial released her hand. “Horseback riding is not for women,” he told her after they were on a decent distance again. “I am not saying that a woman cannot learn it. She can if she has your determination.”

“So now you are flattering me?”

Nathanial chuckled. “Perhaps. What I am trying to elaborate is that horseback riding is not for women of your caliber. It takes time to learn the art of horse riding and there are various obstacles in your way.”

“Name one,” she demanded, feeling brave enough to be bold all of a sudden.

“That corset for instance,” he said, reducing her bravery to nothing. She blushed looking around herself nervously. “It provides insufficient movement and cuts in half the needed amount of air inside your lungs. Not to mention that it causes unneeded pain to your body and many women become ill and faint because of them.”

“Nathanial sometimes you speak so... forwardly… Men and women do not speak of-”

“The human body? I know this. Have you not noticed that I lack of care for such boundaries? The human body is a gift from heaven and we should not be ashamed to speak of it. Sadly, this is not how we are raised and young women believe that they have to make sacrifices in order to be beautiful. I do not care about women who care about this.”

“So you are saying that you would rather have a scandalous woman that does not wear a corset, than to a beautiful woman who does?” Erica asked, feeling infuriated for some reason. Nathanial sighed, taking her hands in his, feeling the softness of her skin again.

“I am saying that I would rather have a healthy woman that loves me more than she loves society,” he told her.

“Do all young men think as you do?” Nathanial shook his head.

“No. Most of them love a woman with a thin waist, who would care about what society might say. I see it everyday; men only care about how beautiful a woman is and what family she comes from,” he said. A disappointed sigh escaped his lips when he saw her thoughtful state. He thought that she did not understand a word he had told her and that she might not think highly of him for the words he had spoken. “I apologize again. I am not supposed to fill your mind with such foolish believes.”

Much to his surprise, Erica smiled widely and coiled her hand around his elbow pulling him outside. “If you think your believes are foolish, that is your loss. I do not consider you foolish at all Nathanial.”

“Oh,” he smiled back at her. “What do you consider me to be then?”

Erica looked at the midday sky for a second before answering him. “Different. Good different that is,” she said, telling him the exact thing he had once said.

Nathanial could not fight the content from showing on his face. Smiling to each other they shared more thoughts and laughs. But all the joy vanished when they entered the sitting room and realized that something was different. Instead of the everyday picture of Addison and Thomas sitting and chatting, they saw two more figures; one of them familiar to the both of them.

“Uncle David…” Nathanial whispered, letting go of Erica’s hand immediately. In a second, all the attention rested upon Erica and Nathanial. Cecile stopped at the door, a tray in her hands. At least now Nathanial knew why she had left them to be alone. She had a more important matter to attend to instead of watching them be.

“I apologize for interrupting. I was not aware we had quests,” Erica curtsied. She felt exposed as all eyes landed on her tiny frame. She cursed herself inwardly for stumbling inside a room filled with guests. Her eyes flew to her mother, afraid of the fury that she might have to face later. But when she locked gazes with Addison, the only thing she saw was her content face. She felt relieved for a second.

“Oh, not at all please come in,” a masculine voice said. She witnessed everyone in the room stand up as the man to whom the voice belonged approached her. He bowed to her politely and kissed her hand. Erica smiled shyly. “You have grown a lot Erica,” he told her before his eyes shifted to the boy behind her. “How do you do Nathanial?”

“Good, thank you Uncle David,” he responded as they shook hands. Nathanial kept looking into his uncle’s eyes taking in his height slightly above his own. His uncle looked much like he always did and although he was much older than Nathanial; Lord David’s features were still striking as ever. His brown eyes were filled with abnormal warmth and a smile always adorned his face, pulling up the skin that was slowly starting to sag.

Pulling away, Erica’s gaze locked with the one of a young man she did not recognize. He had dark eyes which were now filled with confusion. He seemed to be startled by Erica’s presence and clearly he was not expecting to see her. His straight hair was a dark shade of brown, tied back in a neat ponytail. He flashed a casual smile as he bowed to her, his height not that intimidating as Lord David's. His posture and his clothing told Erica that besides being a very attractive young man, he was also a nobleman.

Before she could even blink, Lord David was pulling her hand and introducing her. “Erica, this is William Everingham, the son of the Earl of Shrewsbury and our next Earl. William this is Erica Providence,” Erica curtsied again as William kissed her hand, his lips lingering longer than she thought. It sent shivers down her spine, but she managed to grin politely.

“It is a delight meeting you Erica,” he told her, releasing her hand.

“Likewise,” she replied calmly. She could feel her cheeks burning though.

“Please sit down,” Thomas said to Erica and Nathanial. Erica quickly took the empty spot next to her mother as Nathanial sat next to his uncle. William was seated across from Erica, his eyes still watching her. “As you know, Lord David came to bring us news about the Winter Ball.”

“Ah yeas well, I would say it was a unanimous verdict. We were all surprised by your decision, but overjoyed none the less.”

“Yes,” William spoke. “My father, the Earl of Shrewsbury sends his regards and deeply regrets not being able to visit you today. I am afraid he had some business to attend to in London.”

“Oh it is quite all right. We are happy that you came instead to bring us such lovely news,” Thomas said.

Lord David smiled. “We are all looking forward to a ball in this mansion. I must say this is the best idea in years Thomas. You will break a rather boring monotony.”

“Yes, well, it is in honor of my daughter eighteen birthday,” he smiled at Erica.

“I must say she has blossomed into a beautiful flower, Thomas. The last time I saw her she was still playing with dolls,” David laughed heartedly. “But I can see she remembers me. Anyway, I would like to speak to my nephew in private. I have news from my dear sister in law, Marie. She gave me a letter for you. Would you mind if we…”

Thomas stood up. “No, not at all. Nathanial, you can use my office. You know where it is,” Nathanial only nodded and left the room with Lord David. He was awfully silent since the first moment he saw the new arrivals and all he did was just listen to the conversation happening in front of him. He emerged from the room, leaving Erica and her family to share what it seemed to be a lovely conversation with William.

When the door to Thomas’s office was safely closed behind them, Lord David took out a letter and handed it to Nathanial. Without sparing a minute he broke the seal and started reading the content. It was not much, the usual motherly advice and an invite to a party in London.

“My mother is attending a party? That is odd. After father’s death, she rarely attends such events,” Nathanial mused. Lord David sighed and looked at Nathanial. The smile had long disappeared from his face.

“Well, she thought it would be appropriate. Many young ladies will attend that event and it is best if you made an appearance. In the end you are a desirable bachelor and since you left, a lot of questions have been raised. Many people wonder what is that you do here in the Providence Mansion,” Lord David raised his chin at Nathanial’s confused expression. “Oh yes, gossip spreads fast my dear Nathanial and it is best if we do not feed it anymore. Your mother would be pleased if you were to go back to London, for two weeks at least. I am sure Erica will manage living without you.”

Nathanial’s eyes widened when he realized where this was slowly heading. “What are you implying?”

“I am not implying anything. I speak what I see and I have seen they way you look at her.”

“I do not look at her more differently than I would look at a friend.”

Lord David raised a hand to silence him. “Yes you do. She is a woman. A very beautiful young woman. You have grown attached to her haven’t you? But she is not to be yours and I forbid you to get involved with her more than you should. It is best if you return to London for two weeks. It would be enough time to clear your mind of any temptations.”

Nathanial shook his head as he approached David, his pointer finger raised in the air. “I am not intending on marring the first girl you people think will suit me,” he protested.

“No one is asking you to settle down yet. We are asking you to consider meeting the ladies that will attend. What do you know; your future bride might be among them,” Lord David said. Nathanial looked away, considering his words. But he could not find logic in his previous speech. Why did he think that he had feelings for Erica? Yes, she was beautiful, she was nice and well mannered, and she was from a very important family. Thinking this way, he could find no flaws in her. Could he be really falling for Erica? He squeezed his eyes shut, sending those thoughts away, before looking back at his uncle.

“I will do it. I will attend that event, but as soon as it is over, I ride back to Clun.”

“Nathanial I am not doing this to spite you. You know how much Harriet cares for you and I do to. Your mother is all alone in London and she only wants what is best for you. Erica is not the girl for you. Have faith in my judgment.”

“You know something Uncle David. Something you are not telling me,” Nathanial stated. Lord David walked towards the door and opened it, before turning around to face his nephew again.

“I am not keeping secrets Nathanial,” he told him. “I am not the one with the secrets.” He added and left the office.

Nathanial just sat there, rereading the letter that was written in the neat handwriting of his dear mother. He hoped to find some logic to everything, but he couldn’t. His mother and his uncle were against him working for the Providence family from the bare start. He could understand why his uncle was against him working here; he was afraid Nathanial might fall in love with Erica, which might jeopardize certain plans he had no clue about. Perhaps marrying her to William? But, what he could not understand was why his mother wanted him to return to London. He thought he’d been clear when he told her he had no intention on marring a girl at this age. Why was she siding with his uncle all of the sudden?

It did not matter the length of time he spent in hope to find some clarity in these strange events, because time did not help. He was angry. Why was suddenly everything so strange? Why did his questions remain unanswered? He stormed out of the office and headed back towards the sitting room, only to find everyone on their feet and saying goodbye. The first thing he could notice was how close that William was with Erica and how flirtatiously he behaved. To top it all up, Erica seemed to be enjoying the attention. Without a word, he followed everyone outside, ignoring the conversations that ensued. He could only think of his uncle’s words and of his own anger. He heard when William whispered “We shall be seeing more of each other” and he saw the way she smiled. When they shared a handshake, Nathanial found himself frowning and squeezing William’s hand a bit too tightly.

It was only then when he released his hand and when he saw the confused look on William’s face that he realized; jealousy was eating him from the inside. Sure, maybe he was not in love with Erica, but he certainly had grown attached to her. But he could not help it. There was something about her; so pure, so innocent and so different. She was as no one he had ever met before.

His uncle embraced him in a hug and whispered in his ear: “Your mother is expecting you on the beginning of November. Do not let her down.”

Nathanial only nodded and watched as the two men entered the carriage and left the Providence Mansion. This time he knew what he had to do. He had to find answers to his questions and the only way he could do that was by leaving the Providence Mansion. Two weeks would be more than enough time to think things trough before returning to this place. Before returning to Erica.