Her Flux

In just a heartbeat Erica was standing in the same room as her parents and the young Earl of Shrewsbury. William. He looked much like he did last time she saw him. He was dressed impeccably, his white cravat and pale skin contrasting his dark eyes. A small, twitching smile adorned his lips and he stood up immediately.

“Erica,” he breathed and kissed her hand.

“Mr. Everingham,” she curtsied before taking a seat next to her mother. She was holding a piece of paper in her hand and reading what it seemed to be a list of names written in a neat handwriting. Erica leaned forwards and caught a glimpse of the content. They were names all right, and they were lined up alphabetically; the surname followed by the name.

“I see…” Addison said her eyes still focused on list. “I will make sure and thank your dear mother personally for this,” she waved the paper.

“She was more that thrilled to do it. My family respects yours and my father offers his services for anything you may need,” William responded glancing at Erica every once in a while. Thomas patted his shoulder silently.

“That is very kind of them. But you shouldn’t have bothered and come all the way in this storm. Agnes could have mailed it to us,” Addison said, smiling politely. Her eyes noticed the way he was stealing surreptitious glimpses of her daughter. “Unless…” She said slowly looking at Thomas. He easily caught onto her thought and smiled.

“Unless, you would consider a small tour of the mansion. I am sure that Erica would not mind showing you around,” he paused beckoning Vilemina forward with his hand. “Vilemina will be with you if you need anything.”

No more words were said. Erica took William’s arm with a small blush. Once they emerged the darkening room Addison turned towards Thomas, her eyebrows raised. He stood in front of the window, watching as yellow lightning cut the dark clouds in half. The threatening sound of thunder followed briskly as raindrops kept flooding the ground. His back was turned towards her but she knew he was smiling for some reason. Folding the paper in her lap she sighed and leaned back.

“Care to explain?” she asked her husband as another lightning illuminated his face, leaving his back to be cast in shadows. His chest and shoulders rose and fell rhythmically as he joined his hands behind his waist.

“There is nothing to explain my love. For the first time in almost 18 years I am going to let destiny take its own course. I will not fear, for what God has planned shall come to pass. Or…” a line formed between his eyebrows. “Whatever is up there...”

Addison stood up and joined her husband. She slid her hand in his and he laced their fingers together, before bringing their hands to his lips. “They said she will change us. She certainly changed you,” It was not a question, but a statement. “You do not worry as much as you did before.”

“I cannot prevent the sun from shining. I cannot tell the rain to stop falling. I cannot protect her anymore than I did Addison. Earth I have control over, but the heavens…” he trailed off a bit, looking firmly towards the sky. “Now, I will leave everything to her. Soon, she will be 18 years of age and I trust her to make her own choices,” he told her dropping their hands down. Addison hugged his arm and leaned her head onto it. He just kissed her forehead briefly.

They stood like that, side by side watching as the rain claimed the meadow and the forest in front of them. There was silence and the last thing that Addison said was:

“I think we taught her well.”

Somehow, Erica and William found themselves standing alone in the library. Vilemina was out doing a job for her father, with a promise that she would return immediately. A feeling of familiarity filled Erica’s heart. However, sun did not adorn the walls. The gray sky made the room dark and ominous with shadows covering the floor completely. Another feeling tugged Erica’s heart. A feeling of incompleteness. As if something was missing. She knew the answer well. Nathanial was missing. Only one day had passed and yet the emptiness was still there. Her attachment was far more than visible and it confused her. She had known him so little and yet she felt as if she and he had had a history together. And although William was an interesting young fellow, she felt as he did not belong in her beloved library. He stood out as a stain on a white cloth. Plus, he did not look half as interested in the knowledge around him as Nathanial had been the first time they were here together. His words rang inside her head:

“The Iliad…One city destroyed for the sake of one woman. The perfect example of love, sacrifice and the deadly side of beauty isn’t it?” He had said. But she had to push him to the back of her mind. The one standing next to her was not Nathanial, but William. She had to strike a conversation. She hoped that that would help her forget the void Nathanial left behind.

“So, what brings you to Clun, Mr. Everingham?”

William chuckled at the way she addressed him. But she was dismayed when he did nothing to correct her. This demeanor of his clearly spoke that he was used to being addressed formally, taking in notice he was the next Earl and all. Nathanial always told her that friends speak each others names freely. This made Erica think: what were she and William? They were more than simple acquaintances seeing as this was his second visit, but they were also far from friends.

“I took the liberty of coming here because… You see, I was anxious to see you again,” he told her. She stopped in her tracks, her arm sliding away from his. He looked at her, the dark color of his eyes shining with something. Hope? Fear? Love? Erica couldn’t tell.

“Me?” Erica asked, her mind blank. His nod was slow, but positive.

“I am well aware that we know so little of each other, but I cannot stop thinking about you Erica,” he told her. His words sounded honest and direct. He seemed stiff as he stood a good distance away from her. His eyes never left hers though. They searched her face for answers. Answers she did not have. What was she supposed to say? ‘Me too?’ She would be lying. But she would also be lying if she said that this did not flatter her. His features were strikingly handsome and he was the first man who looked at her as more than a friend. “Erica.”

“Yes?” She blinked couple of times trying to aver her gaze elsewhere.

“You may think that my feelings for you are a mere fleet fancy, but you’d be mistaken. I am not trying to woo you. I am a man who knows what he wants. And I found that my heart wants you. If you agree, I would like to ask permission from your parents and,” he looked hesitant for a moment, before continuing. “…court you.”

Erica’s breath stopped in her throat. She could fell her knees shaking and she could hear her heart hammering violently in her chest. Should she say yes? She was tempted to. But her mother did not like the Everinghams. Would she be annoyed if Erica conceded to this? But one thought kept returning to her head. One question to be exact. What would Nathanial say if he could see her now? Would he be happy for her? Or would he protest? Erica couldn’t stop brain storming and she could see that the silence made the young Earl uncomfortable. Maybe she should say yes. In the end, Nathanial left her alone and he had the chance to flirt with other young ladies. Something made her want to be the first one to deal the blow in the silent war that had begun between them the second he decided to leave. But something else, something even stronger begged her, screamed at her to decline.

To her luck, as if she knew that Erica needed to be saved, Vilemina appeared at the door. One panicked look told her everything. In an instant, she was standing next to Erica, curtsying.

“Mr. Everingham,” she started. “Mr. Thomas was inquiring if you’d like to join us for dinner.”

He glimpsed at Erica, but her head was dropped. She denied his attempts to look into her eyes. “I am afraid I have to leave. Please inform Thomas that I will be visiting another day again,” he finally caught Erica’s surprised eyes. “I have something to speak with him.”

With that and a short bow, he was out of the library and down the hallway, not sparing a second glance back. Erica’s hand flew to her heart as she let out a sigh of… relief? She took a seat. Vilemina knelt before her taking Erica’s hand in hers.

“Are you all right? Did he do something to you?” she asked, looking at Erica as if searching for any physical injuries.

Erica waved her hands. “No, no Vilemina. He is a nice man.”

“Handsome too,” Vilemina grinned, her green eyes shining with glee. Erica pulled her hat in front of her eyes playfully.

“As of late, you have become quite licentious Vilemina,” she grinned. “But you are right. He is quite handsome.” She looked at Vilemina, the happiness washing off Erica’s features. “Vilemina,” she sighed. “He wants to ask permission to court me.”

Vilemina smiled and jumped back on her feet. “Oh my Lord… Isn’t that a surprise? You must be very happy,” Erica’s features showed no happiness though. “Shouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know Vilemina.”

“Erica, is this not what you have always wanted? You used to tell me your dreams and you wish for normality. It does not get more real than this!” Vilemina tried to convince her.

“I suppose…” Erica mused as she stood up too. “I shall have to speak with mother though. You know her opinion about the Everinghams. I doubt that she would like Agnes and William to be part of her family.”

Vilemina giggled locking arms with Erica. “Ah, but you forget that your father favors you. He will not doubt to turn your wishes into reality. Not since the day you saved him,” Erica looked away pained. The library was dark, but tears shined in her eyes. Vilemina tensed up a bit, realizing what she should have not mentioned. “The day light is fading. I ought to light the candles. You should go. Your mother is waiting,” Vilemina smiled warmly and pushed her lightly towards the exit. Erica only nodded and exited.

The next few days were also rainy ones. The weather was getting colder and colder by the minute. Fire was requisite. Erica dressed herself warmly with sleeves that covered her wrists. A blanket or two were thrown over her. She sat on her bed, watching the rain. She wished to tell William’s words to her mother, but she feared. She did not know what to do. This could be one of the rare chances she’d get in this life and she did not want to ruin it. But she also felt as if a wall of ice was separating her from William. He was so different. His words were colder than Nathanial’s, yet she could see in his eyes that he cared. Surely such warmth cannot be faked?

There was only one person that knew the answer and that person was Addison. Erica left the safety of her room. She hugged the blanket closer to her body and headed downstairs. Her footsteps echoed throughout the empty hallways but no one was there to hear them. A roar of thunder scared her and she rushed to the sitting room, but she found no one there. Nothing was out of the ordinary, except the black blanket that was folded atop her usual seat-the red armchair. Next to it, in the burning fireplace something caught her eye. A crumpled piece of paper was resting innocently between the ashes. Gray smoke was emerging from its partly burned edge.

Although scared from the burning fire, she knelt and reached out for the crumpled paper, blowing on its burned edge. Her fingers opened the paper delicately. It was a letter and it was signed by Lord David. The fire never reached the ink so it was legit.

Dear Thomas,

I apologize for the briefness of my last visit. I had business to attend to back in Ludlow. I wish to visit you again, but the truth is I have been so hard put for time that I have not been able to do so. I hope you shall understand. I shall not have the pleasure of seeing you and your lovely wife for some time, for the storm is also keeping me away.

When you letter reached me, I immediately sent a man of my own to inquire about the Everinghams. I was not aware of young William’s visit. Twas not me who sent him up there. I am not sure of the purity of his intentions, although he could be developing feelings for you daughter. Admitting however, that this might be the case, I thought it prudent to address you.

As for your other request, I have pulled all of my strings in London and I have been informed that the witch hunts have continued. Few more poor women have been charged and legally sanctioned under believe that they have been involved in witchcraft. And by legally sanctioned I do mean executed. This 'witch-hunt' includes convicting the 'guilty party' in absentia, without any firm evidence except the malicious gossips in attempt to save our society from the damage that their evil incantations and spells may inflict. Guilt is presumed from the outset, and the focus of the hunt is actually getting the accused to admit his guilt. Often, these confessions are extorted by way of verbal trickery, or by questioning the loyalty or past conduct of the accused. Be aware Thomas, for I do not trust the good intentions of people that lurk around.

In other news of London, my nephew reached his destination safely. My dear sister in law, Marie wrote to me, telling me that he is doing all right and that he might postpone his return to your mansion. I thought that you should be notified. Also, she mentioned that he met a charming young lady and we may be seeing him as the new suitor to Miss Leonor Dupont. She is a decent young lady from a wealthy French family. Regarding myself, you can expect me the week that hasn’t yet come to pass.

Believe me yours sincerely,
Lord David Dunderdale.

Erica’s heart dropped in her chest. She could feel it melting down to her stomach, making her feel ill. Watery tears stung her eyes and a small sniff escaped her lips. He lied. Or rather he hid the truth. She did not know what was more insane: the feeling of jealousy that suddenly rose in her chest against this Leonor Dupont or the part she read about young women being killed under the accusation of which craft. She crumpled the paper again and this time when she threw it into the fire, she made sure it turned into nothing but ashes.

She stood up a bit too quickly and the smoke made her feel nauseous. As soon as she managed to grab a hold of herself, she left the sitting room in search of her mother. She found her in the Ball Room cleaning up and dusting along with Cecile and Vilemina. A wide smile spread across Addison’s face when she saw her daughter.

“Erica!” she spoke with a smile. “Have you come to help us?”

Erica scratched the top of her eyebrow nervously, before looking at her mother. “Mother, few days ago the young Earl of Shrewsbury, William Everingham asked me if I would like for him to plead permission from both of you so he could court me officially,” she said. Cecile slowly turned her head towards Erica, her brown eyes looking at her confusedly. Vilemina was also shocked, though at a smaller intensity.

Addison looked at Cecile for a brief moment, also bewildered. Her right hand smoothed the side of her hair while her left hand squeezed the dusty rag in her hand.

“All right…” she breathed and straightened up. She walked towards Erica slowly with authority. “What did you answer him?”

“I did not. We were interrupted,” she said. “But he said that he will return and speak with father. If he does, tell father that I accept.”

Addison took another step towards her. Another set of thunder and lighting ensued. “Tell me Erica. Do you fancy William?”

Erica looked down to her skirt. She struggled with her answer because honestly she knew not why she had made up her mind so suddenly. All she could think of was the letter and all the absurd things that Lord David wrote to her father. All she knew was that she felt lonely and if William meant company, so be it. She raised her chin and nodded silently.

“And Nathanial?” Addison’s question hit a nerve. Erica’s eyes widened as silence fell among the four of them. Her lips parted, but she couldn’t answer.

“Addison!” Cecile shouted as she circled Addison and coiled a protective arm around Erica. But Addison raised a hand and silenced Cecile, gazing vehemently at her daughter.

“Are you doing this because you miss his company? Are you doing this because I did not allow you to attend such events? Are you doing this to spite me, knowing my opinion about the Everinghams?”

Erica only shook her head, fear grasping onto her small trembling body. She feared this side of her mother. She had seen it few times and it never ended well. She cursed herself inwardly.

“No mother, I just wanted-”

“Listen to me Erica,” Addison cut her off handing the rag in her hand to Cecile. “Your father has the last word in this, but I suggest thinking before acting. You know that you shall bear the consequences on your own. Cecile,” she averted her gaze. “Please be a dear and finish up here. November is slowly passing us by and we do not have time to dilly dally. I shall be in my bedchamber if you need anything,” With that she left the ballroom.

A tear rolled down Erica’s cheek. She had never seen her mother so cold before. It would have been easier if she had slapped Erica. She would have known that she was wrong. But now… Now she felt even lonelier than before. Now, she was not certain of anything. All her life she was submitted to orders and thinking back now, it was easier that way. She could easily distinct between what was right or wrong, because the decision had already been made by her mother. But right now, all her thoughts of rationality abandoned her, for she did not know what to do. Her mother’s words were clear: It was up to Erica to decide.

Cecile rubbed the tear off Erica’s face and embraced her. “Now, why did you have to go and do that child? There were many ways to approach this matter Erica,” Cecile said. Erica hugged her tighter in reply.

“He has fallen in love Cecile. He left me here alone again.”

“Who did?” Cecile asked, “Oh… Young Nathanial. Oh, but Erica my child, he will return. He cares about you. So far we all know.” Vilemina continued with her work, but her ears were listening to every word. “And you are not alone. You have all of us. Now tell me, do you really like this William fellow?”

Erica pulled away grabbing the skirt of her dress. “He cares,” she answered her simply.