Her Flux

As dawn slowly took over the sky and everyone in Clun was still in a deep slumber, Thomas Providence was getting ready to departure for Ludlow. He was not sure whether he would be lucky enough to find there the acquaintance he made the previous day or would he have to travel to London. The thought of the long way to London made him feel tired from the start, but he was determined in his decision. Not even the worried face of his wife, who was standing with him next to the horse carriage caused him to waver.

Addison took a step closer to her husband, running a hand over his shoulder and adjusting his white wig that he disliked wearing. Thomas used to have that golden blond hair that caused envy in both male and female hearts, and even in his late forties its thickness hadn’t reduced. But, years of worrying constantly and the fear that gnawed away his heart like a black plague, transformed those golden locks into partly silver threads. But who could blame him for hating wigs? Many young people refused to wear them, until they had a real need for doing so, and considered leaving them out completely. That was partly because a man could outfit himself with a hat, coat, breeches, shirt, hose, and shoes for about what a wig would cost him, which also required constant care from a hairdresser for cleaning, curling, and powdering. Thomas was one of those young rebels that slowly settled down and exchanged his old self for a cultural man of certain age that wore a wig outside his home.

Thomas took Addison’s hand off his shoulder and into his masculine palm, and pressed his lips against her fingers, his eyes gazing softly in hers. A small, lopsided smile crept on Addison’s face as he pulled away. Erica’s gray eyes, slightly red and baggy due to no sleep, were following the actions of her parents through the glass window in her room as she hid her body behind the velvet curtains. They exchanged inaudible sentences and few agreeing nods after which Addison took few steps back away from the horses. When Thomas’s figure disappeared inside the black vehicle and the carriage man closed the door, Addison waved her hand before picking up the layers of her royal blue dress and heading inside.

Erica glanced lazily at the oak case clock that was hanging on her wall, decorated with crème-damask tapestry. The two pointers were resting above the number five, written in Roman numeral. She sighed and made her way to her bed, the silk fabric of her bed sheets rustling under her body as she adjusted herself under the covers. It was still early and her mother did not make her rise before eight. Her tired eyes slowly closed as she finally drifted away in a soundless and necessary slumber she had not been able to catch last night. Knowing that her father was out on his way to keep his promise made the rock of uncertainty and fear to drop its pressuring weight off her heart.

The sound of curtain pins being pulled through the cornice along with the bright sun rays that pierced through the darkness awoke Erica. Squinting, she rubbed the sand off her eyes with the back of her hand as she sat straighter. As the blur slowly left her vision, she recognized Vilemina’s thin figure. She was tying the velvet curtains with a crème tape, forming ribbons that held the two curtains at both ends of the window. Vilemina’s hair was hiding beneath a clean, white hat that was tied firmly beneath her chin. She was older than Erica, two years or three, but to Erica out of the whole staff that was employed in the Providence mansion (which were not many), Vilemina was the closest thing to a friend her age.

As the daughter of the old gardener, George Sanders, Vilemina always considered herself less than Erica. But she never showed resentment towards her for being on a lower step of the hierarchical ladder. The Providence family gave a warm home to her five year old self and her father back when nobody would even look at them because of the scandal with her mother, who was prosecuted under the accusation that she was a witch and burned on a square in a town somewhere in Ludlow. An event no one spoke of in the Providence Mansion.

Erica felt as if she had just closed her eyes a minute ago, but after a short glance at the clock on her wall, she realized that it was pass eleven o’clock. She quickly kicked the covers off her and jumped off her bed, confusion washed over her features.

“Why is it so late? Why was I not woken up?” She questioned Vilemina as she looked into her dark green eyes, noticing a strand of blond hair tugging at the edge of her ear. Vilemina smiled at her confusion, taking a hold of her covers as she started making her bed.

“Mrs. Providence ordered that we let you sleep,” she answered.

“I understand, but why?”

Vilemina shrugged slowly and indifferently as her hands puffed Erica’s pillows. “I do not know. She also ordered us to prepare a guest room in the east wing, right next to the library,” she explained. After she made the bed she straightened and walked over to Erica’s closet, waiting for Erica to pick out a dress. Erica pointed to a light green one, with a square head opening that hid her chest well. Their conversation continued as Erica stripped her clothes off and Vilemina helped her get dressed.

“Also, your father left early today,” Vilemina commented as her fingers fidgeted with the corset laces. Erica just murmured a low ‘mhm’ to her comment. Although she trusted Vilemina, she felt embarrassed to tell her that she had been spying from her bedroom window in the early hours. “There we go.”

Erica took a seat in front of her mirror and ran a comb through her nutmeg hair, smoothing the waves and undoing some hair knots. Instantly Vilemina was by her side, taking the comb from her hand and doing the job herself. The two young girls looked at each other in the mirror and grinned at one another.

“Why don’t you let your hair loose? You have a wonderful hair color,” Erica noted, taking hair pins in her hands. Vilemina just smiled as she knitted two braids of each side of Erica’s temples. When she was done, she secured the two small braids with a small pin that Erica handed her, at the back of her head. “Thank you.”

“I’ll tell Cecile to prepare breakfast for you,” Vilemina said as she turned on her heal without curtsying. Erica had told her a long time ago that she did not need to be formal towards her when her family wasn’t around. Vilemina’s figure disappeared through her bedroom door, leaving Erica to sigh deeply as once again she didn’t get a full and true answer to her question. She never knew why Vilemina hid her hair beneath what she considered to be awful hats. She knew that servants had to look clean and tidy, but Vilemina’s hat obsession and her hair secrecy made Erica wonder sometimes. Yes, she had seen her hear once or twice in her lifetime, but never for too long.

After breakfast, Erica passed her day lost in her thoughts as she sat in the library, reading a book of poetry. But her mind was so absent throughout the day; she barely remembered the lines she was reading. She kept tapping her foot impatiently against the wooden floor, the tapping sound echoing loudly between the library walls and shelves. She sat on a lazy chair that was enveloped with a blue and white stripped textured fabric. Her eyes shone in the fading sunlight as twilight slowly took over the sky. Few clouds were traveling softly making their way across the vast sky, changing their puffy shape ever so slightly. The forest trees in the far, the trimmed bushes in front of the mansion along with the flowers planted in the low cut grass were swaying in the evening breeze.

Her heartbeat had calmed down a bit as she gazed at the beautiful nature in front of her. Erica always felt as if she belonged out there more than she did inside. She felt trapped in her daily routine and she was embarrassed to admit her feelings. She knew she was different, but she could never figure out why. What made her stand out from the rest of England? The explanations from her parents were always varying and often Erica’s persistence earned her sleep without supper. Addison loved her daughter and she was always nice to her only child. But when it came to her ground rules and when Addison noticed even a slight rumble in their core, she turned from sweet to sour. Erica had seen that sour side of her mother on rare occasions and judging by what she had learned from them made her keep quiet.

Suddenly, that slow heart beat from before was replaced by a loud pulsating Erica could feel even in her bones. As the blue sky disappeared in dusk, a yellow lantern that was hung next to the carriage man’s head along with two familiar brown horses slowly came to a stop in front of the mansion. But the east wing was far from the entry and except from the white wig of her father, Erica couldn’t make anything or anyone out.

Dropping the poetry book on the ground that she had carelessly forgotten in her lap, she lifted the skirt of her dress from the ground and stormed out of the library. She ran through the hallways, the wall paintings and light candles passing her by in a blur. Her pace slowed when she turned around the corners in fear of running into her mother and being scolded. In a short matter of time, Erica found herself standing atop the curved set of marble stairs, her left hand gripping hard on the balustrade. She saw Cecile rushing towards the door and opening it to her father. She curtsied briefly to Thomas, waiting for the figure that cast the second shadow to enter.

“Erica! Get to your room young lady,” Erica jumped to the hissed sound of her mother’s voice from behind her.

“But father – ” she tried to say, but to no avail. Addison was already pulling her forearm down the opposite hallway from the east wing. She ceased struggling because although the curiosity in her heart was big, the fear in her bones from her mother was even bigger.

“I’ll call for you if needed, now please stay in your room Erica,” After forcingly escorting her daughter to her bedroom, Addison returned to the top of the stairs and made her way down gracefully. The sound of light chattering and the voice of her husband prompt a smile on her face as she entered the candle lit sitting room. The first thing she noticed was the cheerful expression on Thomas face.

“Addison, please join us,” Thomas took her hand gently in his and lead her towards his companion. Her eyes widened noticeably as they stopped in front of him. The stranger bowed to her and she curtsied, giving him her hand to kiss. “My dear this is Nathanial Balfour. Lord David’s nephew,” he gestured towards Nathanial. Nathanial smiled, his right hand coiling around his waist as he bowed his head respectfully.

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance sir Balfour. I’m so glad you could come in such a short notice,” Addison said shyly, a soft grin tugging at the edge of her lips.

“The pleasure is all mine Mrs. Providence. I doubt there is another place I’d rather be at this moment.”

“Please, take a seat Nathanial. You must be exhausted. I know I am,” Thomas said as he waited for Addison to sit on the red armchair next to the fireplace, before situating himself in the other armchair that was from the opposite side. Nathanial sat in the sofa in between. “Addison we are very lucky to have Nathanial here with us. Why for a moment there he would have accepted a job offer in London,” Thomas laughed heartedly.

“Is that so? I’m so glad you changed your mind to come here instead,” Addison said. Cecile entered the sitting room carrying a tray with hot teapot and empty tea cups in her hands. She put the tray on the small coffee table and poured the hot liquid in three white, porcelain cups before handing them to Nathanial, Thomas and Addison.

“And believe me darling all I had to do was mention horses,” Thomas laughed, taking a short sip from his tea. Nathanial smiled and nodded.

“Yes, he is right. You see the job I was offered back in London was indeed lucrative, but it also required me to stay closed between four walls. I wasn’t really looking forward to it. And when Sir Thomas arrived this afternoon it was like fate. I accepted at once,” Nathanial elaborated.

“My husband tells me that you are quite an erudite fellow.”

“I have to thank him for the compliment,” Nathanial nodded to Thomas with a small smile, before turning his full attention to Addison. “I adore reading literature and when I showed interest at young age, my mother immediately found a professor to help me with my studies,” Addison listened carefully and knew that it would sound imprudent from her side if she asked tonight the nature of his relationship with Lord David, because he never bragged about that having an educated nephew. And oh God, did he love to brag. So she held her curiosity under a tight leash and made a mental note to ask him in a week or so.

While the three of them got caught up in deep conversations that ensued one after the other, Erica paced back and forth in her room. Her mother had sent no one to call her and that irritated her deeply. Hesitantly, she opened the door to her bedroom, peaking left and right to assure herself that no one was around. She was greeted by the dim hallway, which was enlightened poorly by the flickering candles and weak moonlight that managed to enter through the large windows. The shadows that danced in the walls next to the candles and the silence that filled the air scared Erica and there was a part of her that was screaming ‘go back to your room at once!’

But she left her room agog after a series of curious thoughts that spread through her head. She reached the top of the curved set of marble stairs again. She could faintly hear the conversation that was taking place in the sitting room. She leaned over the railing so she could get a better view of the first floor, but pulled back immediately when a loud laughter filled the hallways. Her parents emerged from the sitting room, her mother holding onto her father’s elbow. They were both smiling and talking to another man who had his back turned to the staircase, his dark, long hair assembled neatly in a low ponytail at the nape of his neck.

“Vilemina is going to show you to your chambers. I do believe that you are exhausted,” Addison said beckoning her forward. Vilemina curtsied, the edges of her hat hiding her face.

“Tomorrow you’ll meat Erica. She is looking forward to meeting you Sir Nathaniel,” Thomas added, rising his chin slightly.

“I’m sure she is a charming girl. Well good night then,” Nathaniel said. When his voice reached Erica’s ears, to her it sounded like a soft lullaby. Maybe it sounded like that because she hadn't heard a new voice in years or maybe his voice was special that way.

“Good night.”

Although the light didn’t help Erica to see everything clearly, she managed to see quite enough from Nathanial’s anatomy when he turned around and followed Vilemina to the east wing. As realization dawned on Erica, a heat colored her cheeks. She turned around and ran back to her room, her heart moving even faster in her chest.

“He’s young,” Addison noted as her eyes followed the shrinking figures of both Vilemina and Nathanial. Thomas nodded, his lips closed into a straight line. “Very young.”