Her Flux

Strolling around the mansion, hand in hand, didn’t turn out half as hard as Erica had thought it would. After the first few chambers she showed him, they started talking and expressing their opinions to one another. Their conversations varied from architecture structures, to famous paintings, composers and musical instruments and even books. When they reached the library, they shared a look and smiled secretly. In fear that Cecile might get suspicious about why Erica said nothing about the place she found most dear in the whole mansion, she let go of Nathanial’s arm, running her fingers over the wood of a bookshelf in the middle.

“And this is the grand library. I assure you that father has made sure every decent, published book to be brought in here,” she said, flushing slightly when Nathanial smiled at her.

“I have already been here,” he solemnly stated. Erica’s smile melted into a frown as her eyes turned to Cecile nervously. She knew that she could trust her. In the end she kept a lot of her mischievous actions in secret. But this was different. This wasn’t just a simple mischief like playing in the dirt or running around the forest when her mother had specifically ordered her to stay inside. No, this was much worse. Now, from her behavior depended her reputation as a young, well raised lady.

“You have?” Cecile asked as she approached them, the black blanket hugged against her chest. Erica’s eyes flew to the side of Nathanial’s face. He was grinning warmly and nodding to Cecile.

“Well of course, this morning in fact,” he answered. Erica’s heart dropped in fear that he might reveal that they met in private, while Erica was wandering around alone, when she clearly knew that there was a male guest. “I found the door open and I was curious. I took a book and left the room immediately,” he explained as he turned towards Erica, giving her the warmest smile. “Now that that is settled, may we visit the stables? I’ve been dying to see the horses.”

“Of course you may,” Cecile said as she turned around. “Right this way,” she said as she led the way, leaving them to fall behind. Nathanial tiled his head to the left as he looked at Erica confusedly. She looked relieved but also embarrassed and he knew the reason. He smiled and took her hand, putting it on his arm again.

“I’ve learned through years that what others don’t know cannot harm you,” he commented as he started walking, Erica following his example. She couldn’t laud his comment, but she found it to be considerably true.

“I understand,” she said, before they walked out of the library and headed for the stables. They saw the corpulent frame of Cecile in front of them, moving slowly without turning around to check on them. They passed by Vilemina. She was wiping the grand curved set of marble stairs. When she saw them pass, she curtsied and smiled. This intrigued Erica and although Nathanial sensed nothing out of the ordinary, to her it was very strange, because Vilemina rarely showed a full smile. But she felt content and happy none the less.

They emerged from the mansion, the sun shining brightly over their figures as the flimsy wind swayed the trees. There were only few insignificant puffy white clouds that said that rain was days away. September was not harsh on them. While Erica gazed in the distance ahead, Nathanial noticed the silence that formed between them and he chuckled lightly, capturing her attention.

“I’m not advising lying,” he said, looking her straight in the eyes. “Lying is considered an abominable sin or at least that is what my dear mother always taught me. I do see that you are well mannered and unlike many girls your age you are…” he waved a hand in front of him, trying to embody his words. Erica looked at him expectantly, million of thought rambling through her mind. “Different.” he commented.

Her heart dropped. Nathanial thought she was different. Yet another person walked this Earth that thought she was different. Just when she was about to sink in self pity, Nathanial said something that made her insides burn.

“I meant good different.”

Erica raised her chin and looked at him proudly. “How can you say that I’m different when we just met each other this morning?” she asked. Nathanial laughed.

“A very good question indeed Erica,” She had heard her name being said hundreds of times. But the way that the letters slipped from Nathanial’s lips it made her all warm and tingly inside. “May I call you just Erica?” he asked, his eyes gazing in hers searchingly. She merely nodded. “Thank you. As I was saying, other girls your age have a different look in their eyes…” he wanted to add ‘as if they are always on the hunt for a wealthy man’, but Erica was right. They had only met this morning. Instead of finishing his sentence, he jerked his head towards Cecile, who was waiting patiently in front of the stable wooden doors. She waited for him to continue, but he never did.

Cecile pulled the latch, opening the stable doors, the hinges creaking loudly. Immediately, the smell of hay met their nostrils as the gaiting sound of hoofs meeting the ground and horses breathing through their noses filled their ears. After they entered, a small smile adorned Nathanial’s face as he subconsciously released Erica’s hand from his. Although there were only eight stalls, four of each side, the place was very spacious. There was a manger filled with hay at the front of every standing stall, which were considerably wide. The stable seamed spotless. There was no dirt or hay scattered around.

Nathanial walked around the stable, pausing in front of every horse as he studied their every feature. From his left side, he could easily recognize four Thoroughbreds, from their long legs and near-perfect proportions. Two of them were dark golden chestnut colored, one was a lovely darker palomino and the last one of them was jet black. At the far end, there was a horse that held his attention more than the others.

“I cannot believe your father owns a gray Arabian horse,” Nathanial commented as he swung opened the stall door and moved onto caressing the horse, his hand sliding from its forehead to his crest.

“Two actually,” Erica said, pointing to the next empty stall. “Father took two horses to Ludlow today. One from their breed,” she pointed to the Thoroughbreds. “And the other Arabian horse,” Erica explained as she entered the stall, her hand touching the horse’s white mane. “And this one does not belong to father,” she smiled, looking into Nathanial’s surprised light eyes. He arched an eyebrow, smirking slightly.

“Oh?” he murmured.

“Yes, Akil is mine,” she answered.

“Akil? That is a nice name,” Nathanial said as he pulled away from the horse, following Erica out.

“Thank you. It means 'intelligent' in Arabic. He is a very sensitive horse and I do not speak in jest when I say that he can understand me. His eyes sparkle when he looks at me and listens to everything I say. You may think of me as a silly little girl, but I do think he is very special,” she said as she closed the stall door, still looking at Akil with a wide, loving grin. Nathanial looked at her, his eyes filled with softness and understanding. Erica may not know this, but he too grew up talking to the horses. When his father died and his mother was the only one left to guide him through adolescent years, he often felt lonely. As ridiculous as it may have seemed to other people, he liked talking to the horses.

Nathanial turned to the door, his eyes capturing the sight of Cecile watching Erica with a sad expression. Realizing that she was close enough to hear on their conversation, he kept his real thoughts to himself and said the only thing that a gentleman would at a moment like this.

“I do not consider you childish, on the contrary I find you very wise when it comes to horses. They are indeed very special,” he said, once again taking her hand in his. Erica blushed. She never felt this way; so praised and supported. Nathanial noticed the pink shade on her cheeks and smiled, the skin on his nose wrinkling. Then he remembered. There were eight boxes, but only seven horses; five here and two with Thomas. “You said that your father took two horses today and I only see five here. Isn’t one horse missing? Or maybe you only own seven horses?”

Erica froze. That was a subject she rather not talk about. A lot of things were densely connected to that. She looked at Cecile, whose eyes wandered from Erica to Nathanial. She took a step towards them, a smile on her face.

“Oh, well we used to have a female horse. She died giving birth,” Cecile said as she stroked Erica’s back, with the hand that wasn’t holding the black blanket. Once again, Nathanial’s eyes flew to the fabric, looking at Cecile with narrowed eyes.

“What happened to the foal?” He asked.

“We-well, because the young creature was so small and motherless, Sir Thomas decided to give it away. So he sold it,” she stuttered. Nathanial nodded, finding no reason not to trust her.

As the sunlight slowly disappeared, darkness overtaking the Providence estate, they all emerged from the stable and made their way inside. After a small conversation about their age and childhood, along some hot tea in the sitting room, Nathanial suggested that they start working on the Iliad. After George and Vilemina brought two more armchairs in the library, one for Nathanial and the other for whom ever was Erica’s guardian at the moment, they situated themselves in the library. They spoke about the plot, the characters, the Trojan War. Nathanial filled Erica in some details from his vast knowledge of the Greek mythology and Erica enjoyed listening and speaking to him.

‘He is so young’ she thought as he went on speaking about Apollo, the God of sun. ‘and yet so knowledgeable.’ She kept on looking at him, closely studying his features. His eyes glowed as the candelabras fire danced on his clear white skin and his imperceptibly wavy, dark brown hair shined in a fierce golden-red color. He looked so at peace with himself and much like last night, his voice sounded like a soft lullaby. It was deep and manly, but yet so soft and endearing. He too saw her as different, but he said she was good different, as if being different was a good thing. She had passed only a day with this stranger and yet, his words seemed to have an effect on her.

Her parents rarely allowed new people to surround Erica. ‘We have our reasons’ and ‘We do it because we love and care about you’ were their excuses. All that she knew about life was what her father taught her. All she knew about manners and high class behavior was what her mother told her. All she knew about young men and women was what she had read in books. But she wasn’t resentful towards her parents. Cecile often told her that parents always want what is best for their children. They do what ever is in their power to protect them from others and that she would come to understand this when one day, if God allows, she has children of her own.

But Nathanial was here. He was young, two and a half years older than her to be exact, and although Erica would never say it out loud, he was also very handsome or so she thought. It was not like she had seen a lot of young men and she could made a distinction between ugly and beautiful. Not that that would ever happen, because as strange as it may seem, she always considered all creatures of God beautiful. Strangely, unlike most girls her age, she wasn’t disgusted when seeing lizards lying in the sun, or a spider knitting a web in the corners. She was indifferent. ‘They do not intervene in my life, why should I in theirs? They do not try to kill me. Why should I?’ she thought.

“…Erica,” Nathanial’s expectant voice pulled her out of a reverie she didn’t even know she had fallen into. “I do apologize, I may have bored you with my stories and you may be tired.”

Erica shook her head. “No, no I apologize. I was just… trying to visually embody the events.”

“It’s quite all right,” he said as he closed the book and stood up. “I think that we did well for our first day. Isn’t it so Cecile?” he said as he offered Erica a hand to straighten up, which she took with a nod.

“Yes, dinner will be ready soon. I think you two deserve a rest,” Cecile said as she took Erica’s hand in hers.

“After you,” Nathanial motioned a hand and bowed.

“Thank you.”

Dinner was relaxing. Thomas was absent. He still hadn’t returned from his journey to Ludlow and as he stated he had some business to take care of there. Addison did most of the conversation, while Cecile and Vilemina served them a hot meal. Erica kept quiet, answering only when she was asked to and reddening when Nathanial praised her. Addison was more than happy with her daughter and she was already seeing the light side from this hobnob as she referred to it.

As the conversation that took place on the dining table slowly died, with everybody returning to their meal and all, Addison gazed at her daughter from the corner of her eye. She glowed. Happiness was radiating from her. Maybe a young man was not what she would have chosen to accompany her daughter, but yet. Only a day had passed and she could already see that sad, lonely cloud lifting from her daughter’s head. She could feel herself happy and she couldn’t fight a small upturning of her lips. ‘Four more months’ Addison thought to herself. ’Four more months and you will turn eighteen. Four more months and you will be free to make your own choice.’

As ten o’clock slowly drew near, Addison called it a night. Nathanial, Addison and Erica stopped in front of the grand staircase, Vilemina waiting to escort Nathanial at the corner of the hallway that leaded to the east wing.

“I thank you for everything Sir Nathanial. I hope you are enjoying your stay here,” Addison said. Nathanial smiled, stealing a glance from Erica, who was fidgeting with her fingers silently.

“I most certainly am and please, call me Nathanial.”

Addison smiled contently. “I bid you a good night then Nathanial. Erica,” Addison said as she headed for the staircase. “Bid goodnight to Nathanial. I’ll be waiting atop the staircase for you.”

Erica nodded, handing her hand to be kissed. He pecked her fingers, while Addison moved up the stairs, a silver candelabrum in her hand enlightening her path. “Good night Erica,” Nathanial whispered.

“Good night Nathanial,” she smiled and she turned swiftly, her nutmeg colored hair floating in the air and following her fast movements. Nathanial watched in awe as her figure grew darker and she climbed up the stairs. He shook his head and joined Vilemina, who was waiting for him with a big smile on her pale pink lips, her hat not hiding her face as usual. He smiled back to her as he walked by her side, the warm light from the candle in Vilemina’s hand casting shadows behind them.

At first he thought that it was just the opened window and the wind carrying the smell of freshly cut grass that caused that wonderfully memorizing smell in the library this morning. But a moment ago, as Erica turned nimbly, her features moving in a closed space, in the absence of opened windows, wind and flowers, Nathanial realized that she was indeed special as his uncle David had told him. He followed the beautiful girl with a hat to his chambers, smiling to her from time to time, with his thoughts always hurrying back to his novice - Erica. All he could think about was:

‘Her hair smelled like nature.’