Unable to Stay, Unwilling to Leave

____

As Mr. Clate walked me back to my room, things started to appear more clearer to me. Was there a reason why I couldn't stand alone for more than a few minutes? My mind was ticking at the thought of this all being a plan. Was a born to be stuck in a life like this? If I had asked them, I'm sure the answer would have been a blank yes. Only one question remained; could I break free?

"I'll see you in the morning for breakfast. Have a goodnight, Anne," he said, looking at me with eyes of desperation. I knew he was going to do something, I knew it. I didn't say a word to him. I have him one last emotionless look before I turned the handle of the door, by myself. "One last thing." He grabbed my arm with gentle ease, but his intention was sure to be anything but gentle. "I don't want to see you with that man ever again, do you hear me?" I gazed into ever aspect of his eyes. Although they looked silvery, they were almost burning red. I led my eyes from his and down to his hand that was gripping tighter on my arm.

"I would prefer it if you would let go of my arm," I said, once again looking to him.

"Sorry," he said, letting going. "I don't know what came over me." He finished, looking around to see if anyone had witnessed the incident.

"Perhaps jealousy?" I questioned, waiting for his response.

"What? What has come over you?" He hissed.

"Goodnight Mr. Clate," I said, having enough of his pointless discussion and him.

After closing the door on him I stood there still, losing all of the world around me to my thoughts. Neither happy or sadness controlled my emotions. It seemed as though all human emotion has surpassed me. One emotion did seem to surface through my thoughts; willingness. I was willing to find more out about the man I had just met.

He was mysterious, strange, but charming. It was his charm that led me to believe he had something to do with this plan I had come to realize. Was he apart of some test? The thought of him being the temptation I had to overcome arose. But, the man being some stranger my Mother had paid to tempt me seemed foolish. This man was different from anyone I had ever met. Maybe my Mother knew me to well and could tell I would fall for the man's tricks.

Either way, I hadn't a choice on ridding the matter. Yet, I did have chance to find out.

Turning around to open the door, I was stopped when the door swung open. There stood my Mother, her head tilted and she gazed upon me as if I were too young to walk.

"I have come to help you undress," she said, wearing a smile telling me that she was just here to help me, but of course I knew her too well. Refusing he was not in my nature, but being dragged to the bedroom was.

I sat down on the chair in front of the mirror. She began taking the thousands of clips out of my hair, almost pulling out my hair in the process. I looked into the mirror, watching myself twitch as she ripped at my hair. "Tomorrow..." She began as she took the last clip out and sat it down next to the brush, picking up the brush she continued; "Tomorrow at breakfast we shall discuss the wedding arrangements..." My heart stopped.

And as if time itself had stopped, I felt the last string inside my body break. The string itself only hanging but a thread, but this...I couldn't hold on, I just couldn't. i, myself had snapped.

"What?" I asked, pushed the chair back, her along with it. I stood in front of her, with a terrible rage just tearing to come out. "Married? Married to who? I'm not even engaged."

"Mr. Clate and I had come up with an agreement. He asked, I gave permission and now you are engaged," she said, holding herself back from tearing me to shreds with her bare hands. I couldn't breathe, I was falling to pieces like shattered glass that had been broken by a heartless women.

"But I-"

"-You will have no opinion in the matter Anne." She glared. "Stop thinking of yourself and think about the future of this family." Her forked tongue was showing all sides of her. She began to walk away as if the matter was of no importance. "Now, get some rest and we shall see you tomorrow at breakfast," she said, opening the doors. She had sucked in her forked tongue and replaced it with a simple smile. The closing doors slammed shut, I was finally locked in and trapped forever. My body was draining from the inside out, my once warm blood and turned ice cold and I could no longer feel myself breathe. I slowly sat down on the bed. Staring blankly at my reflection in the mirror, I watch as tears began to drop from my cheeks.

I had to accept it no matter what, there was no escaping, there were no excuses or reasons to stop it, I just had to go along with it. I knew no other way.

My mind was completely numb. The imagination I once had disappeared. I had finally died on the inside. I brought myself up from the bed and began walking. I had no idea where I was going, I just began walking. As I let my living body walk among the dead, I heard the sound of the ocean. It sounded no different from before. Nothing was of any meaning to me anymore, not the wind, the sounds of the sea...I couldn't walk further, I had come to a railing. I hoped that over the railing was the sea, but my sense of direction and failed me and I found myself at the front of the ship, over looking the deck below; which was the deck to throw yourself over board. My eyes stung from the salty air and the remaining of my salty tears. I lifted my heavy head and looked up to the stars. My Grandmother once told me that the stars were just millions and millions of tiny holes God had made with pins; she said it was his way of telling us that there is a heaven through the dark sky. That tough led me to think as I looked down, and suddenly...A man began to walk out below. His dark hair mixing with his dark tattered clothes. The man lit up a cigarette. Smoke blew away with the wind as he slung onto the railings, looking down to the sea.

I felt a smile weakly curl the corner of my lips. Mr. Way.

Just as quick as Mr. Way had came out, another man came across the planks of the deck. This man was leaving a trail of money that fell from his expensive suit. He made his way over to Mr. Way. Tapping him on the shoulder Mr. Way turned around. The smile that had once had turned blank. Mr. Way had said something to the man, the man responded; I had no idea what was being said. It wasn't long before the man placed money into Mr. Way's front pocket. It wasn't long before Mr. Clate placed money into his front pocket.

I couldn't bare to see the ending to the ending.

*

"Miss. Anne? It's time to wake up, it's a beautiful day!" My eyes once shut, slowly opened. Through the bright sun beaming through the window, I saw a maid picking up clothing, lying them over the chair in front of her. She looked over to me; "Miss. Anne, time to get up," she said, smiling. I slowly brought myself up. I couldn't feel the heart beat I once felt every time my eyes saw the site of the sun beaming through the window, brightening up the darkness of night. "Your Mother is expecting you for breakfast in her balcony this morning, you must be late," she said. Like that well train dog I had learned to become I got up.

Once I had gotten dressed I looked into the mirror. A new dress was worn on limp body. Black pin strips lining down as white cover it. Black buttons leading from my chest to my ankles, it clung to my body, showing every possible curve I possessed. Black gloves running up the my elbows. Nothing felt more horrible to wear.

Walking through to my Mother's balcony, the sun shone right through me.

"Good morning Anne," Mr. Clate said, smiling as he turned his head from my Mother.

"How did he sleep?" my Mothered asked. I walked through the doors and looked over to the table standing not far away, food almost falling from it. "It's rude not to answer, Anne." I looked over to her once again. I weakly smiled.

"Ah, we were just discussing the wedding..." Mr. Clate interrupted. I gazed upon the site of a thousand devils with those two. What was left of my beating heart was being drowned in the cold blood they were pouring into me.

"I am sorry to inform you Mr. Clate and Mrs. Hays, but there will be no wedding," I said simply, walking out.

"Anne!" My Mother shrieked. Just as the door went passed, I felt my arm being pulled back. I was pushed before the judge and looked into her eyes. "You will marry him," she hissed. I looked into the eyes that was her eyes and pushed my words.

"I won't."

"I don't think you understand. You will be marrying him. Do think that this is for my own good? It's for your's. Do you think that man you met yesterday will make you happy?" She spat with laughter. I began to breathe quicker and quicker with each ha she spat. "You are foolish, he won't provide for you, he won't buy you a home. He is poor Anne. You are wealthy...Don't be mingle with men who you don't belong with." I snatched my arm away from her pinching grip and looked at ever aspect of her twisted face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Mother." I looked behind her, Mr. Clate turned away. "Goodbye Mr. Clate," I said. Turning away.

I found myself in the hall, I needed to get out from the feeling they were wrapping me in. I picked my pace up. I was almost running, running away from the fear of having more chains locked onto my ankles and wrists. The wealthy men and women looked at me as if I were insane as I rushed passed them.

I stepped out from the insanity and into the breeze. I almost fell to the railing. I looked down and the sea was surrounding the ship. There was no where to run, just places to hide and be found. Tears were seeping through, one fell and I quickly caught it, hiding it from the world, making sure there was no once to witness it. I walked down the deck, the sun shinning upon it and catching my eyes. Along the deck were chairs. My weak legs gave in and I clasped onto it and hid my face.

My feet and knees were tightly bound together. I looked over to a young girl standing on the railings, with a man pointing out to sea as he held her up. I was once that young girl and that man was once what my Father was.

"A site for sore eyes, wanna finish that utterly disgusting conversation?" A voice sprung up.

"Perhaps another time," I said, getting myself ready to stand up and walk away from the man who had deceived me.

"When's that?" he asked. I couldn't bare the site of him, so before I was forced to turn and look at him, I stood up.

"When the ship docks and I travel far, far away from you." I began walking down the decks. I heard footsteps follow me.

"Why the sudden change of heart?" Understanding those words almost made me sick. I stopped and turned around, throwing daggers at him with my eyes.

"Why the sudden change of suit? It looks rather new, I wonder where you found the money for it." Looking into his confused eyes, they turned to the sea. He gave a sarcastic hidden laugh and turn to me once again. The sun shinning down on him made me think of a different man from the night before. He seemed more...angelic. I quickly turned around and went back to trying to escape him.

"Oh, I get it. You saw that last night, didn't you? By the way, this isn't a suit and its not new," he said, closely following me from behind. "You've jump to the wrong conclusion." He was now beside me, picking up his pace until he stood in front of me, stopping me. His eyes went side to side, just like they had the night before.

"Oh really?"

"Yes." I rolled my eyes and tried to step passed him, but he kept stopping me. "You wanna know what really happened?"

"Yes, but I know it won't be coming from you," I said, giving up and finally standing still.

"You're gonna have to pay up if you want to know what that Mr. Clate man told me." I closed my eyes and turned my head to the sea where I opened them.

"You sound like such a trust worthy person..." I began, hating the fact that I thought this man was different.

"You really don't know me, Miss." I softly chucked with sarcasm.

"I don't have money..."

"I don't want money." I turned to him in confusion.

"Well, what do you want Mr. Way?" I watch his lips as they curled up.

"Call me Gerard. I want to know your name..." I found myself bitting my bottom lip to try and hide the smile creeping up to my lips. I quickly wiped away the urge.

"My name is Miss. Hays." He laughed. He looked away, and then back at me. Probably thinking about telling me, "tell me, please." I asked, begging to know.

"Well, Miss. Hays, Mr. Clate came to a friend of mine while the ship was docked. He asked him to do go to you alone, so then Mr. Clate could catch you doing something you shouldn't be doing, he paid him quite a bit to do so...Of course my friend told me, so I stopped him." I closed my eyes in disappointment and looked up at him.

"That still doesn't explain why I saw Mr. Clate putting money in your pocket, Mr. Way."

"I had no idea why he was doing so when he did. I had no idea it was you he had planned this on...You see, my friend was meant to do what was planned after the ship left dock, but he didn't. At night, I heard someone scream and it was you...After, I went out to smoke and he just came to me and shoved the money in my pocket saying that he knew I was friends with the other guy because he saw us boarding and said that I did a good job, I gave him his money back." He was trying his best to convince me,n I could help but laugh.

"That was a nice tale Mr. Way." His eyes looked at me in disbelief.

"I'm telling you the truth!"

"Oh, yes. A man with hardly any money gave back free money, you lie terribly." I stated, as if it were a fact. I watched as the disbelief was replaced with a grin, which made me hide my own.

"You don't believe me?"

"No." He reached into his pocket and took out something.

"Look," he began, opening his fist showing me a small amount of money. "This is all that I have and I didn't get it from Mr. Clate."

"Still doesn't prove anything," I said, looking away. I wanted to let the belief I started to gain for him show, but I couldn't.

"This money could keep me alive, the little money I have...I'll throw it overboard to prove to you that I wouldn't take money from and asshole because I don't care for money..." I shot my eyes to him. I looked down as he tightened his fist and brought it over the railing, above the distant sea. "Remember," I took my eyes from his hand and to his eyes, "this is the only money I have."

"You must have more if you're willing to do that."

"You must learn to trust me when I'm telling the truth." I couldn't tell him I believed him. "I'm letting go," I shot to his fist, he slowly began to loosen its grip. "I'm letting go!" I clung to the railing with one hand and looked back at him. "Watch me." One coin fell. "There's one...Are you watching?" Another one fell. "There's another, and another one..." He finally opened his fist and I watched the coins and the note fall, they almost floated until they crash upon the water. "There goes the money I could have bought food with." We both clung to the railing and watched as the silver coins glitter in the water as they sank. The note floated on top of the water until a wave crashed upon it and sunk it along with the coins, never to be seen again.

"I can't believe you did that!" I said, laughing. I looked up to him and my grin disappeared and turned into the same smile he was showing me.

"Do you believe me now?" His eyes darted my own.

"Okay, I believe you...Gerard..."