Infinite

“Maybe we should have been a bit more sad about it.”

It’s Karl who speaks. We are sitting in Noel’s living room, since the Baker’s basement is out of bounds nowadays. The guys are drinking beer and I’m sipping a Vanilla Coke (call me crazy but it’s the best Coke ever). Noel’s parents aren’t home, obviously, but it wouldn’t have mattered if they were if we hadn’t been drinking – they have always been supportive of the band. I wish I had parents like that.

”Yeah, well, it was his decision,” Noel says.

“Mm, but we should have told him about Pete,” I say, and at the same time trying to telepathically make Gerard text me.

It has been two weeks since he kissed me, and two weeks since Red left the band. It has also been two weeks since we met Pete Wentz, so we are very very anxious every minute of the day, jumping at high noises such as the phone ringing. Personally I don’t expect him to forget about us, but the guys seem to think he will.

“How many times have we talked about this?” Karl says, putting down his empty beer can on the coffee table. “Fuck Red. Even being ‘in love’ shouldn’t make you behave like that. There’ something seriously wrong with that guy."

Noel and I look at each other, neither of us knowing what to say. Karl is partly right – Red is an immature jerk who should have told me what he was feeling instead of sulking – but I, at least, feel like I’ve betrayed Red in some way.

But you can’t help if you don’t like someone back, can you?

“So how are we going to find a new drummer?” I ask, probably for the fourth time this week. This time, Noel clears his throat.

“Um… I’ve actually asked a guy I know, he said he was up for it.”

Karl and I look at him, stunned. Noel is not exactly known for his enterprising qualities.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Uh, no reason,” Karl says.

“Right. So his name is Hunter. He’s in my Science class.”

“Wait, Hunter Cole?” I ask. “I know that guy, he played drums in the Christmas show last year, right?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Well he’s good, and he’s a nice guy,” I say to Karl, who seems a bit lost. He scratches his left ear and says:

“When do we get to meet this Hunter guy, then?”

Hunter Cole has a blonde mohawk and a pierced lip. My relationship with him goes as far as he kept my hair out of the way when I emptied my stomach contents into a bush at one of Karl’s parties, but I’ve never really spoken to him when I’m sober. He shows up at Noel’s doorstep about the same time that Gerard sends me a picture of the view from the tour bus, with the message “miss u lots” beneath it. This is the reason Hunter is greeted with a huge smile and an energetic wave from me.

“Don’t mind her, she’s just a bit hyper right now,” Noel says, and I throw my empty Vanilla Coke can on him, which he dodges. “Shall we go into the garage?” he continues in a faux British accent, causing me and Karl to laugh and Hunter to smile, not really knowing how to react.

“Noel, you suck at faking accents", I say.

We have set up all our equipment in Noel’s garage, since his parents don’t use it – they are pretty bohemian and always go by bus instead of driving, hence the lack of vehicles in the Murray’s garage.

Karl’s old drum kit is set up in the corner, and as soon as Hunter is behind it and we’re half-way into Placebo’s Every You Every Me, it feels like Red never existed.

At least not as a drummer in this band.

Pete Wentz calls us two days later, and there’s not much to say about it other than that we are set up for a meeting with Fueled By Ramen-people as well as Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump a few days later. In New York, fortunately – I don’t know how we would have gotten to Florida without our parents having a fit. Well, my mom has fits about everything I do, so going to Florida only would have been one more reason for her to push me away.

We hardly speak to each other anymore – she always leaves for work before I wake up, and has gone to bed almost every night when I come home. I haven’t seen Jamie and Elliott in ages but it’s better not to think about it, since I can’t do much about it anyway. I keep telling myself that I’m leaving soon anyway, and then maybe everything will work itself out. Maybe I can prove to my mom that I’m mature enough to have a life of my own.

On a rainy morning at the end of April, Karl, Noel, Hunter and myself get into our faithful companion The Van, and head towards Manhattan. We have no idea what to expect, least of all Hunter who has been practicing almost non stop for the past week, and spending time with us to get to know us. He’s a really nice guy and a great drummer, but then again, Red was also a nice guy and a great drummer before he started behaving like a jerk.

We are quiet as we ride the elevator up to the eight floor of the building where the meeting is supposed to take place. I’m not claustrophobic, but the four walls sure seem to be closing in on me right now.

“We’re going on a tour! Can you fucking believe that, we’re touring!”

Noel is dancing around on the pavement exactly three hours later. Pete and Patrick have joined us for a coffee, and we are currently on our way to Starbucks. Karl, Hunter and I are just as amazed as Noel, but at least we’re not dancing.

“Yes, Noel, we can believe it even if it’s unbelievable,” I say, hearing Pete laughing next to me. “I’m not sure you should have coffee when you’re like this.”

Noel suddenly stops his dancing, and gives me a wide-eyed stare before throwing his arms around my neck.

“Noooo! Don’t take the coffee away from me!”

“Is he always like this?” Patrick, who is walking next to Karl, says. Karl laughs.

“No, he’s just in shock. But you don’t want to be around us when both he and Aubrey are hyper, it’s almost too much to handle.”

Just as we have gotten our coffee and is sitting down at the pretty crowded coffee house, my cell phone’s buzzing tells me I have a new message. It’s another picture from Gerard – as we text each other at least twice a day, it’s not really a surprise, but I still get that jumpy feeling in the pit of my stomach when the screen reads “1 new message from Gerard”.

Karl, Noel and Hunter (who has gotten used to me frequently checking my phone) look at each other without saying anything when I flip the phone open, and Patrick, who is sitting next to me, apparently catches a glimpse of who the message is from.

“Aw, boyfriend?” he asks, taking a sip of his coffee and then frowning from the heat.

“I… don’t know,” I say, a bit absent-minded and also a bit hesitant – you can’t call Gerard my boyfriend, but he certainly is something. The pic he sent is probably Bob trying to get away from the camera, but all I can see is a piece of blonde hair and a blurry hand. things to do while on tour – try to get a decent pic of bob. no luck so far.

“At least you guys text each other non stop. And you kissed." When I open my mouth to speak, he says: "I was there, so you can’t deny it."

The two members of Fall Out Boy at our table make a simultaneous “aww”, and Pete says:

“So who’s the lucky guy? Someone we know?”

"Yeah, actually, it’s Gerard."

Pete nearly spits out his coffee and Patrick looks confused.

“Wait, that Gerard? As in Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance?”

“Well… yeah,” I say, feeling incredibly awkward. “But I… uh… I don’t know what to make of it, really.”

Pete smiles.

“Gerard’s a great guy,” he says, patting my shoulder. “It’ll work out.”

“Thanks,” I say, feeling just a little embarrassed about the fact that Pete Wentz just gave me love advise.

“But how did you two meet, anyway?”

After a small monologue from my part about Jamie getting lost and meeting Gerard again at Starbucks, Patrick lets our a low whistle.

“Wow,” he says. “I don’t know about you guys, but doesn’t this seem like fate or something?”

“Or coincidence,” Pete says.

“Fate!”

“Coincidence. A very happy coincidence.”

"As I said, fate."

“Guys!” I say, waving my arm between them to get them to drop it.

“Yes, Aubrey?” Patrick says, smirking at Pete in an ‘I won’-manner.

“So what about Warped, then?" Karl says, obviously trying to change the subject.

“Well, you’re on it for two weeks and only perform on one of the smallest side stages, but it’s a great start, really,” Pete says, and empties his coffee cup in one gulp.

“Yeah, Warped was a great experience for us,” Patrick fills in. “You get to meet a great deal of people, gain new fans… As they said upstairs – “ we discussed this on the meeting earlier “- it’s quite unusual for an unexperienced band to get on the Warped Tour without having a record out yet, but if things go smoothly, yours will probably be out in just a few months since you’ve got so much good material.”

“Yeah, we’ve got Aubrey to thank for that,” Karl says, smiling.

“Couldn’t have done it without you,” I say, smiling back. And I suddenly feel like I’m going to cry, or at least hug them all across the table – do I really deserve to be a part of a group of people who are so talented and lovable?

When we part, Karl, Noel, Hunter and I to go home and Pete and Patrick going somewhere else (obviously), I get hugs and ‘good luck’s. And it feels like I’m floating on air the whole ride home.

I don’t know how long this will last – bands come and go all the time and there are no guarantees we’ll make it – but I’m sure going to enjoy it for as long as I can.