Infinite

The day after our meeting with the record label, which is a Sunday, I’m woken up at nine a.m. by Jamie climbing into my bed.

“Aubreey, mommy says you’re gonna babysit us today!” she says, her hot toothpaste-smelling breath tickling my face. I open my eyes and squint at her.

“What?”

“Eww, morning breath!”

“Shut up, kiddo,” I laugh, pulling the covers over my head.

When we arrive downstairs a few minutes later (when I’ve finally localized my sweatpants), mom is putting on her ‘spring jacket’. As Jamie runs into the kitchen, mom turns to me.

“I really don’t want to do this, but Joan called and said she has the flu and Rebecca is working today,” she says. “I don’t want you going out of the house, you hear me?”

“Fine, whatever.”

“And don’t you talk to me like that!”

“Fine, we won’t go out!”

Seriously, what’s wrong with her? I’ve probably spent more time with her kids than she has herself.

“I’ll be back by five,” she says. “Make sure they eat a proper lunch, Elliott threw a breakfast tantrum and didn’t eat much.”

She takes one final look into the mirror in the hall, grabs her purse and walks out the door. I stand there for what seems like ages before I hear the car pull out the driveway.

If she expects us to stay inside for a whole day, she’s wrong.

“Guys, you wanna go to the mall?”

We get back home at about three in the afternoon, after lunch at Burger King and several hours at the mall. We’ve taken the bus, and Elliott is fast asleep in his stroller as we walk the short distance from the bus stop to our house.

Jamie is holding her plastic bag with the new The Used cd in a firm grip, and as soon as we get inside, she runs over to the cd player. With Bert McCracken singing in the background, I carry Elliott upstairs and put him down in his bed, where he stirs for a moment before falling into deep sleep again.

“Jamie, do you wanna watch a movie?” I say when I get downstairs, and my little sister nods vigorously before diving into our dvd stack.

She emerges a few minutes later with Edward Scissorhands and a big smile on her face. We cuddle up on the couch with popcorn and pillows and blankets.

Around the time Edward sticks his scissors into the waterbed, the doorbell rings. I leave Jamie on the couch to open the door, her eyes glued to the television screen although she has seen this movie countless times before.

And then I stand by the open door in silence for a good ten seconds, looking at Gerard in disbelief.

He doesn’t say anything, just takes a step closer and puts his arms around me, I sneak my arms around him and bury my face in his neck, or at least as close to the neck I can get since he is a bit taller than I am. The feeling of his skin and the softness of his hoodie sticking up from under the denim jacket is, no doubt, the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life.

“I’ve missed you,” I say, my voice muffled as I’m talking into his shoulder. He lets out a soft chuckle.

“I’ve missed you too,” he says, and pulls away a little, his nose almost touching mine as he looks into my eyes. For a moment I’m certain he is about to kiss me, but then he pulls away completely, letting go of his grip around me. I realize the front door is still open, and close it with a soft thud.

Before I’ve had the chance to ask what brings him here, he says:

“Half of our crew plus Ray, Matt and Bob got salmonella.”

“Salmonella?”

He shrugs.

“Chicken, I think. We had to cancel a few shows. I thought I’d come visit you since we were in the area.”

“Just being on the east coast isn’t exactly being in the area,” I say, smiling. He looks a little embarrassed, and makes that scratching movement to his neck. I get a sudden urge to touch his face, but manage to repress it. “We were just watching Edward Scissorhands,” I continue. “And there’s a certain five-year-old who I think will be happy to see you.”

He smiles at the mention of Jamie, and after taking off his jacket he follows me into the living room. Jamie hasn’t heard a word of our conversation, since Edward is in a crucial part of his fictional journey. When we sit down on the couch (with Gerard’s thigh touching mine ever so slightly, causing my whole body to tense) she turns her head towards us, and her eyes widen at the sight of Gerard.

“Hi Jamie,” he says, giving her a small wave and a grin. She smiles back broadly.

“Hi Gerard,” she says, waving back before turning her attention towards the TV again.

I don’t really know what to say to Gerard. I mean, we kissed, but I’ve kissed guys before and it didn’t mean anything. And it’s so weird to see Gerard Way in our living room. He sits there like a schoolboy who has done something wrong, not seeming to know where to put his hands or his gaze or his feet.

Before I know what I’m doing, I have snuggled up against him, my head on his chest and the right side of my body pressed to his left, my legs bent and kept in place in front me with my arms. You can probably hear my heartbeats on the other side of the street. I feel Gerard’s body tense, but after a few awkward seconds, his arm is around my shoulders and his left hand is playing with my hair.

And I’m so afraid that I’m doing something wrong, that he’ll walk away any minute. Jamie gives us curious looks but doesn’t say anything.

The movie ends at a quarter to five. As I’ve completely forgotten what time mom was getting home, the sounds of someone opening the front door and taking of their coat and calling “Hello?” catches me off guard. I’m still sitting close to Gerard, and since I have no idea how my mom’s reaction to me having a guy over would be, I quickly stand up, leaving Gerard on the couch.

“Hi mom,” I call back, and hear her rummaging in the kitchen as Gerard stands up too. He gives my stressed behavior an amused smile, and whispers into my ear:

“You want me to hide in a closet or something?”

I have to stifle a giggle.

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

“Aubrey, who’s jacket is that?… Oh, hello.”

Mom is suddenly standing in the doorway with a pack of spaghetti in her hand. She looks at Gerard from his messy hair to his worn-out sneakers and then her eyes land on me, giving me a questioning look.

“Mom, this is Gerard.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Walker.” He stands up and reaches out to shake her hand. Still looking very confused, she takes it and says:

“Are you and Aubrey… dating?”

Gerard looks very uncomfortable, even more than the fact that he’s meeting my mother for the first time made him look.

“Uh… yeah, you could say that.”

I try very, very hard not to look at Gerard.

Mom looks at Gerard thoroughly again, and I can anticipate her next move.

“You do know Aubrey’s only eighteen, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

Mom does some kind of disapproving snort. I can feel the tension building in the room, and apparently so can Jamie, because suddenly she jumps up from the couch and sprints towards the kitchen.

“Well, as long as you’re happy.”

Mom herself is far from happy and she isn’t exactly hiding it. Right now I just want to hug her, though – this is the first time in ages she has done something that is not the complete opposite of what I want.