Infinite

Two days later at five in the afternoon, I’ve finally plucked up the courage to talk to mom about school. We – meaning me, Noel, Hunter and our parents – are having a meeting with the principal tomorrow and having mom on my side is pretty crucial. I am eighteen but I’m still living in her house, and since I don’t have a job, my only options are to stay or move in with Karl. Something I’m not too keen on, since he shares a tiny apartment with a strange guy called Kevin.

I tell mom what my plan is – that I only have a couple of credits left, that I did okay on my SATs, that I can always finish later. People do that. It’s not the end of the world. But she doesn’t budge. After I’ve told her, she looks at me like I’m stupid.

“I’m not changing my mind, Aubrey. You’re going to finish school either way! I’ve had it with your constant disrespect for what I’ve given you." She is standing by the fridge, and she’s gripping the handle so hard I’m afraid it will break. "I don’t want you throwing it all away on this… this ridiculous idea! You’re never going to be famous, and it’s about time you got that into your head!"

I don’t even have energy to say anything. She continues her tirade standing by the foot of the stairs, even as I go up the stairs and into my room.

I don’t think mom fully realizes what is going on until I’m standing in by the front door with one large bag, a rucksack and my guitar case by my feet. Before then she has been by the foot of the staircase, telling me to get back downstairs so we can work things out.

Work things out. It’s ridiculous. She’s never going to let me skip the last month of school, and I was stupid to have thought so to begin with. And not going to college? I was lucky she didn’t have a heart attack when I told her that.

“You can’t honestly mean you’re moving out? Where do you think you’ll stay?” she asks, looking at the bags I’ve just put most of my belongings in. “You’ll come crawling back in less than a week, now stop this nonsense!”

I don’t look at her as I grab all my stuff and open the front door.

“Aubrey!”

I’m going to miss Jamie and Elliott. Maybe I can see them anyway, when all this has settled a bit.

“If you walk away now there’s no coming back!”

I start to walk towards the bus stop. It’s not a long walk, and mom catches up with me just as the bus pulls up. She grabs my arm.

“Let me go!”

And that’s when everything changes. She slaps me across the face with her well-manicured hand, leaving my head spinning.

“It’s that Gerard guy, isn’t it? He’s making you do this!” she screeches. Her nails are digging into my arm, hurting me, and the bus driver and all the people on the bus are watching us. I don’t even think mom notices.

“Is there a problem?” the bus driver asks, and during the split second when Mom’s attention is directed towards him, I wriggle myself out of her grip and get on the bus.

I don’t even know where I’m going. While I pay for my ticket and my mom is yelling at me on the pavement behind the closed bus doors, I think about my options. Karl isn’t home, I know that, he’s visiting his parents.

In reality, I could go to Noel’s house and withstand the embarrassment of asking if I could stay there for a while, until I’ve found something of my own. But I really have no wish to see any of the members of the band right now. I don’t want to see anyone.

Except one person.

It takes me about an hour to get from Madison to Belleville by bus, and in that time I manage to rethink my decision a dozen times.

He told me he still lived with his parents. I laughed and asked what thirty-year-old still lives with his parents – “one who spends 95% of his time on tour” was the reply, and I couldn’t really argue with that since I stilled lived at home as well. Thanks to our frequent texting and calling, I know that the salmonella hasn’t passed yet so Gerard should be home, but what if he isn’t? I can picture myself asking his mom if I can stay the night even though Gerard isn’t there, and it almost brings a smile to my face.

I realize that I should have called him earlier.

“Hi beautiful,” he says when he picks up.

“Gerard, I… I need your help.”

“The weird thing is that I wasn’t all that mad to begin with. It just started to pour out.”

I’m sitting cross-legged on Gerard’s bed with my head leaning against the wall behind me. On the floor above I can hear his mother walking around the kitchen making dinner. I haven’t met her yet since she was out shopping when I arrived, but Gerard has asked her to make dinner for me too since I’m staying the night.

Gerard is lying on the bed, making our legs create a comfortable mess as they’re on top of each other.

“She has never really understood me, I think. But I at least thought she cared,” I continue, and lie down beside him, his t-shirt clad shoulder pressed against my cheek since the bed is pretty small. “She’s my mom; it’s her job to care about me.”

Gerard puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him, and I wriggle to make myself a bit more comfortable.

“What are you gonna do?” he asks.

“I’m going into the studio and we’re gonna make a record, and then I’m going on tour with my band.”

“I kinda figured that,” he chuckles, kissing the top of my head. “I meant about this mom situation.”

"I know."

What am I going to do? I can’t really stay with Gerard for that long – firstly, he’s going back on tour in like two days, and secondly, we’ve been in this relationship for less than a week.

“I guess I could move in with Noel or something,” I say weakly, wriggling again so my face is level to his.

“Do I detect a hint of unwillingness?” Gerard says, and I smile.

“Kinda,” I say. “Noel’s great and I love his parents, but… I mean, moving in with them is probably asking too much. And Karl’s living in this run-down apartment with some junkie.”

“We can be homeless together, then!”

“Yeah, well, you still have your parents,” I say, and we fall silent for a few seconds.

“You can live with me,” Gerard says at last, almost like a whisper. “I’m getting my own place soon anyway, probably this summer. We could try…”

I can feel my heart hammering in my chest. Unfortunately, I know what to say.

“We’ve been dating for like three days, Gerard. I think that’s a little too soon to move in together."

He laughs.

“Yeah, I know. Not that either of us are gonna be off the road that much, but anyway…”

“I’ll look into it,” I say, smiling.

Neither of us know if this is going to last for long, but it’s hard to be realistic when you’re lying close to each other in a small bed.

Locking his gaze with mine, our breathing becomes heavier and I can feel the grip Gerard has on my shoulders tighten. Then, almost a bit hesitant but at the same time very sure of what he’s doing, he kisses me. I slide my arms around his neck and suddenly he’s on top of me, a bit heavy but I wouldn’t want him to move away for the world.

How could something be this perfect? It feels like we were always meant to be this way, with his hands stroking my back and my hands tangled in his hair.

For the next five minutes, there is no thinking – just the sound of our occasional breathing and the bed quirking when our weights shift.

Then, there’s a clearing of a throat from the doorway and a knock on the doorframe.

“Gerard, your Mom wanted me to tell you that dinner’s ready… Oh, hello!” Donald Way says, peering into the room and smiling knowingly at our flushed faces. At least we still have all our clothes on. “I don’t believe I’ve met you before!”

“Dad!”

“Don’t leave the door open if you don’t want to be disturbed, Gerard. Now, who is this young lady?”

He peers at me as I scramble from the bed along with Gerard, trying to get my appearance in order.

“This is Aubrey,” Gerard says in my place.

“And does Aubrey have a last name?”

“Walker,” I say, putting on a smile and trying to fix my hair at the same time. “Nice to meet you, Mr Way.”

He smiles at me and then says:

“Well, youngsters, don’t let the dinner run cold!”

He turns to walk up the stairs again. Gerard looks so apologetic I can’t help but laugh – this is the sort of thing that happens in movies.

“God, that was not how I pictured me meeting your Dad.”