Status: Updating while working on rewriting the earlier chapters (and deleting some stuff).
Infinite
Thirty-seven
Touring always comes as a bit of a shock – you know you will be completely exhausted after a few days, but you tend to forget that since being on tour is otherwise wonderful. You also learn to appreciate sleeping.
Despite being tired and sometimes grumpy from lack of sleep, we love this. We’re headlining, our fan base is steadily growing and parts of all this still seem unreal. We’re not the only band on the tour, but we seem to bring the largest crowd to the venues - we’re the last band out every night and the band tees are everywhere to be seen. Our logo, the one Gerard helped design.
It’s easy to let it get to your head, but although I know our band is getting bigger than I ever thought possible, I’m always in some kind of doubt. What have I done to deserve this? How can people find my lyrics and my voice worth listening to?
Self-confidence was never my strongest attribute.
January 10th
1 new message from: Gerard
10.14 am: hey :) hows the tour going?
Aubrey 10.20 am: Going great :) are u coming to see us?
Gerard 10.25 am: Depends…
Aubrey 10.26 am: On what? :P
Gerard 10.30 am: Whether you want us to or not ^^
Aubrey 10.32 am: of course I want you to
Gerard 10.40 am: Ok Ill ask the others
Gerard 11.01 am: hey can I call u later?
Aubrey 12.04 pm: yeah when?
Gerard 12.10 pm: elevenish?
Aubrey 12.15 pm: Ok
“Hello?”
He’s on the other side of the country, and I’ve just spent the entire evening forcing myself not to think about him call me. I wasn’t very successful. I’m also dead tired from the show, but at the same time so nervous I can’t sit still.
“Hi, it’s me.”
”Yeah, I know.” The smile is evident in his voice and I can’t help but smile as well.
“So…”
“Yeah.”
But we don’t talk about us. Instead, we talk about everything else – how Mikey’s doing, how tired Gerard is of touring but still is looking forward to it. It doesn’t even feel super weird.
It’ll work out. We just need time. And just hearing his laughter again is soothing, like I can’t remember how mad I am at him whenever he laughs.
Believe it or not, I manage not to text him that much during the rest of the tour. I don’t call him, either. It’s like my subconscious has decided that I need a break. But that doesn’t stop me from smiling at every message he sends.
“Who is it?”
Noel is the first one to ask, a few weeks into the tour. We’re on the bus just entering Arizona, and we’re playing in Phoenix tonight.
“Er…” I finish my message and send it before turning to Noel. “It’s just… a friend.”
Noel looks at me disbelievingly.
“Yeah, right."
March 9, 9.34 pm
Good luck tomorrow :) see u there! /G
Despite being tired and sometimes grumpy from lack of sleep, we love this. We’re headlining, our fan base is steadily growing and parts of all this still seem unreal. We’re not the only band on the tour, but we seem to bring the largest crowd to the venues - we’re the last band out every night and the band tees are everywhere to be seen. Our logo, the one Gerard helped design.
It’s easy to let it get to your head, but although I know our band is getting bigger than I ever thought possible, I’m always in some kind of doubt. What have I done to deserve this? How can people find my lyrics and my voice worth listening to?
Self-confidence was never my strongest attribute.
January 10th
1 new message from: Gerard
10.14 am: hey :) hows the tour going?
Aubrey 10.20 am: Going great :) are u coming to see us?
Gerard 10.25 am: Depends…
Aubrey 10.26 am: On what? :P
Gerard 10.30 am: Whether you want us to or not ^^
Aubrey 10.32 am: of course I want you to
Gerard 10.40 am: Ok Ill ask the others
Gerard 11.01 am: hey can I call u later?
Aubrey 12.04 pm: yeah when?
Gerard 12.10 pm: elevenish?
Aubrey 12.15 pm: Ok
“Hello?”
He’s on the other side of the country, and I’ve just spent the entire evening forcing myself not to think about him call me. I wasn’t very successful. I’m also dead tired from the show, but at the same time so nervous I can’t sit still.
“Hi, it’s me.”
”Yeah, I know.” The smile is evident in his voice and I can’t help but smile as well.
“So…”
“Yeah.”
But we don’t talk about us. Instead, we talk about everything else – how Mikey’s doing, how tired Gerard is of touring but still is looking forward to it. It doesn’t even feel super weird.
It’ll work out. We just need time. And just hearing his laughter again is soothing, like I can’t remember how mad I am at him whenever he laughs.
Believe it or not, I manage not to text him that much during the rest of the tour. I don’t call him, either. It’s like my subconscious has decided that I need a break. But that doesn’t stop me from smiling at every message he sends.
“Who is it?”
Noel is the first one to ask, a few weeks into the tour. We’re on the bus just entering Arizona, and we’re playing in Phoenix tonight.
“Er…” I finish my message and send it before turning to Noel. “It’s just… a friend.”
Noel looks at me disbelievingly.
“Yeah, right."
March 9, 9.34 pm
Good luck tomorrow :) see u there! /G
♠ ♠ ♠
I'm so happy that so many people commented the last chapter :) This part of the story is hard to write, so I appreciate the feedback. It's hard to rebuild a relationship that has been broken IRL too, so I have to go through all my past experiences of doing that to try to make this plausible. I hope the message gets through, and I hope you understand Aubrey's feelings as well...And wow, 66 subscribers! I love you guys, you know. It's extremely encouraging to know that people actually like this, especially since English isn't even my first language.