Status: Updating while working on rewriting the earlier chapters (and deleting some stuff).
Infinite
Thirty-eight
“Good to be back?”
We’re backstage at the New York venue, the last night of the tour, during the short break between the soundcheck and the first band entering the stage. The others are hanging out by the stage to check out the bands we’ve toured with, but I’ve stayed behind.
He’s standing in the doorway of our dressing room, leaning against the doorframe with a Starbucks tray in his right hand and the other hand in his pocket. I’m straightening my hair and I almost burn my hand on the straightener when I hear his voice.
"Fuck, don’t sneak up on me like that!"
“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, stepping into the room to stand next to me, placing one of the cups from the tray on the table to my right.
“Vanilla latte is still your favorite, right?”
I probably shouldn’t be this touched by the fact that he remembers.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I attempt to smile, and feel my face heat up when he smiles back. I awkwardly return to straightening my hair.
It’s one thing when you’re texting each other and talking over the phone – but now he’s here, all black hair and nice clothes and smiling at me. It’s like suddenly realizing he actually exists.
He doesn’t say anything for a while, not until I’ve put down the straightener and is rummaging through my bag for a clean t-shirt to wear tonight. I’m painfully aware of him watching me.
“How are you?” he asks at last, when I’ve been pondering whether to ask him straight out what he’s doing here or just pretend as if him being here is completely normal. I have to remind myself that I was the one who asked him here.
It should be completely normal, right? We’re friends, after all.
“I’m… good,” I say, trying to smile at him. “I’m just tired, you know, from touring."
“Yeah, I was going to talk to you about that…” he says, scratching the back of his neck – a movement that gives me a moment of instant flashbacks, making my heart flutter. I stop what I’m doing to look at him curiously. “Er… The guys and I talked, and we’ve decided to ask you if you wanted to tag along during the rest of our tour. To support us. One of the other bands cancelled."
I guess my shocked expression makes him a bit hesitant, because he looks at bit worried.
“I understand if you don’t want to, I mean, with us and all the stuff that’s happened…”
“Oh, no, don’t worry. I’d love to tour with you guys,” I say, my smile genuine this time.
Supporting MCR is like a dream come true, even though I’ve known them for almost a year now. (And I’ve had sex with the singer.) “I just have to talk to the rest of the band. And Derek.”
Gerard is looking visibly relieved as he smiles and fills me in on the details of the final leg of the Black Parade tour. And it actually feels great to have some kind of project with Gerard, as if we have something in common other than the obvious “us” issue which we never seem to be able to address completely.
Gerard, Frank, Ray and Mikey watch us from backstage during our performance later that night. It’s strange to sing lines like I can’t even walk without your air in my lungs/I can’t even stand up when you’re not watching when I know how close the reason I wrote those very lyrics is.
Our part in the tour doesn’t start until the end of March, and as the rest of my band are pretty excited at the prospect of touring with MCR, we have three weeks off. The original plan was to do some more touring in the US this spring, but what band wouldn’t want to support My Chemical Romance? And as it turns out, Derek had already talked to Brian about it before we even had the chance to tell him. Our manager is just as excited as we are.
As much as I’d like to stay in bed the entire month to recover from the horrible bunk mattresses, I can’t. But most mornings for almost three weeks, I sleep until late and don’t even get out of the house unless I really have to. Karl and I spend our days brainstorming new songs, watching movies or just talking. Noel and Hunter come over almost every day. VH1 has been showing In My Head every now and then, and it might seem strange, but I still feel a little lightheaded every time I realize that our video is on TV. It’s like the person looking so confident and in-your-face on screen isn’t me at all. We didn't have a huge budget, but the video turned out okay. Thanks to the makeup, I think I’m the only one who sees how tired I really was when we shot it. November really wasn’t my best month last year.
We’re backstage at the New York venue, the last night of the tour, during the short break between the soundcheck and the first band entering the stage. The others are hanging out by the stage to check out the bands we’ve toured with, but I’ve stayed behind.
He’s standing in the doorway of our dressing room, leaning against the doorframe with a Starbucks tray in his right hand and the other hand in his pocket. I’m straightening my hair and I almost burn my hand on the straightener when I hear his voice.
"Fuck, don’t sneak up on me like that!"
“Sorry,” he says sheepishly, stepping into the room to stand next to me, placing one of the cups from the tray on the table to my right.
“Vanilla latte is still your favorite, right?”
I probably shouldn’t be this touched by the fact that he remembers.
“Yeah. Thanks.” I attempt to smile, and feel my face heat up when he smiles back. I awkwardly return to straightening my hair.
It’s one thing when you’re texting each other and talking over the phone – but now he’s here, all black hair and nice clothes and smiling at me. It’s like suddenly realizing he actually exists.
He doesn’t say anything for a while, not until I’ve put down the straightener and is rummaging through my bag for a clean t-shirt to wear tonight. I’m painfully aware of him watching me.
“How are you?” he asks at last, when I’ve been pondering whether to ask him straight out what he’s doing here or just pretend as if him being here is completely normal. I have to remind myself that I was the one who asked him here.
It should be completely normal, right? We’re friends, after all.
“I’m… good,” I say, trying to smile at him. “I’m just tired, you know, from touring."
“Yeah, I was going to talk to you about that…” he says, scratching the back of his neck – a movement that gives me a moment of instant flashbacks, making my heart flutter. I stop what I’m doing to look at him curiously. “Er… The guys and I talked, and we’ve decided to ask you if you wanted to tag along during the rest of our tour. To support us. One of the other bands cancelled."
I guess my shocked expression makes him a bit hesitant, because he looks at bit worried.
“I understand if you don’t want to, I mean, with us and all the stuff that’s happened…”
“Oh, no, don’t worry. I’d love to tour with you guys,” I say, my smile genuine this time.
Supporting MCR is like a dream come true, even though I’ve known them for almost a year now. (And I’ve had sex with the singer.) “I just have to talk to the rest of the band. And Derek.”
Gerard is looking visibly relieved as he smiles and fills me in on the details of the final leg of the Black Parade tour. And it actually feels great to have some kind of project with Gerard, as if we have something in common other than the obvious “us” issue which we never seem to be able to address completely.
Gerard, Frank, Ray and Mikey watch us from backstage during our performance later that night. It’s strange to sing lines like I can’t even walk without your air in my lungs/I can’t even stand up when you’re not watching when I know how close the reason I wrote those very lyrics is.
Our part in the tour doesn’t start until the end of March, and as the rest of my band are pretty excited at the prospect of touring with MCR, we have three weeks off. The original plan was to do some more touring in the US this spring, but what band wouldn’t want to support My Chemical Romance? And as it turns out, Derek had already talked to Brian about it before we even had the chance to tell him. Our manager is just as excited as we are.
As much as I’d like to stay in bed the entire month to recover from the horrible bunk mattresses, I can’t. But most mornings for almost three weeks, I sleep until late and don’t even get out of the house unless I really have to. Karl and I spend our days brainstorming new songs, watching movies or just talking. Noel and Hunter come over almost every day. VH1 has been showing In My Head every now and then, and it might seem strange, but I still feel a little lightheaded every time I realize that our video is on TV. It’s like the person looking so confident and in-your-face on screen isn’t me at all. We didn't have a huge budget, but the video turned out okay. Thanks to the makeup, I think I’m the only one who sees how tired I really was when we shot it. November really wasn’t my best month last year.