Infinite

The guys in my band take me out to dinner on my nineteenth birthday, which we’ve spent killing zombies on mine and Karl’s Xbox. Or at least they pretend they’re taking me out to dinner. I guess you could technically call it that, but when I open the door to the restaurant they’ve chosen, I’m met by at least thirty people cheering at me.

“Happy birthday,” Karl says as he gives me a sideways hug, while all I can do is stand there in complete shock. The guys in MCR are there, too, Frank and Mikey almost lift me up in the air while they’re hugging me at the same time. Gerard is there, too, hugging me – tightly, for just a second, wishing me a happy birthday. I see the guys in Fall Out Boy, and someone I’m almost sure is Maja from The Sounds. There are just so many people. Trying not to ruin my make-up, I blink to make the tears go away and hope that nobody has noticed them.

When I’ve been thoroughly hugged and wished a happy birthday, everyone starts to move towards the enormous taco buffet. The tables are decorated with glitter and balloons, and it amazes me that the guys have made all this.

"We thought this’d be a great time for us to get to know the rest of your band, you know since we’re gonna be touring in a few days," Frank says when we’ve ended up next to each other in the uncoordinated buffet line.

“Oh, so I wasn’t the main priority?” I say, faking an offended expression. Frank laughs.

Frank is standing on the makeshift stage an hour later, when everyone has had dinner and the tables have been cleared. "Hi guys, I just wanted to say something about this amazing friend of mine. Her name is Aubrey and she turns nineteen today!"

There’s a lot of cheering going on and Karl has his arm around my shoulders while I’m trying not to look too embarrassed. Frank goes on about how amazing he thinks I am, how we instantly clicked, and I’m impressed by the fact that he manages to not mention my relationship with Gerard the entire speech. Gerard is standing to my right, looking at ease in a way I wish I felt like.

“… she was this small thing bouncing around on stage at The Grudge, and we all instantly fell in love with her. I had no idea then that today, I would be standing here saying this: Aubrey, you’re amazing. You’re a fighter, you’re so much fun to be around and I’m proud to call myself your friend. Happy birthday, little sister.”

There’s no use in trying to fight the tears this time. Frank gets off the stage, and The Sounds lunge into Painted By Numbers.

I leave the noisy restaurant area in search of the restrooms, to sort out my messed up make-up and my tired head. It looks like Gerard has been waiting for me when I make my way back to the party. He’s sitting in the corridor leading back from the restrooms, and stands up when he sees me coming.

“Hi. I was looking for you,” he says, smiling a little.

“You found me,” I say, smiling back but also at a loss for words. It’s so strange how he can make me smile while also turning my insides into jelly.

He’s looking good today, like he’s put extra effort into making his hair look the way it does. I try to keep smiling, but it probably looks like I’m trying too hard.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I just… I started crying from Frank’s speech." I pull a face, trying to show I’m that it’s nothing. "Don’t worry.”

He smiles at me again and I feel a sudden urge to either hug him or run away, and I’m not really sure which. Gerard looks at something behind me and scratches his left arm.

“So, um… I wanted to give you your birthday gift. Like, here. Because, you know… there’s a lot of other gifts out there and I didn’t want it to get… lost.”

If I didn’t know better I’d say that he is nervous. It’s adorable and nerve-wracking.

“Oh, you didn’t have to get me anything,” I say. “Really, it’s…”

“Stop it. Here you go.”

He picks up the Barnes & Noble plastic bag from the floor and pulls a small packet from it, wrapped in black paper. There’s no bow. The packet is light and flat, and about the same size as the palm of my hand. There’s no way of telling what’s inside.

With a quick glance at Gerard, who is looking a bit apprehensive, I carefully tear away the bit of tape on the side before opening it. I always open presents like this – carefully. As if I would ever re-use wrapping paper.

I tilt the opened packet and something wrapped in crinkled paper falls into my hand.

“It’s nothing big, just… I thought you’d like it.”

Grandmother? The grandmother, as in the Helena grandmother? During our time together, he talked a lot about her. I wish I'd been able to meet her.

The necklace’s silver chain looks ancient, and the pendant is a small black crystal. I look at it in awe for a few seconds.

“Do you like it?”

There’s nothing fancy or extravagant about the gift, but it’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever gotten from anyone. Gerard sure knows how to confuse me.

“I love it. Thank you so much, I…”

This day is unreal as it is, and now this.

“I just thought she’d like you to have it. She would have liked you.”

“Your grandmother?”

“Yeah.”´

We stand there in silence for a moment. I manage to put the necklace on by myself without creating any sort of clasp-related awkwardness.

“Just don’t… there’s nothing behind this, really,” he suddenly says. “It’s not like we’re… you know.”

“It’s okay, I… I know. Don’t worry about it. Thanks."

Just keep smiling.

I don’t know whether to yell at him or go back to the restrooms to cry, so I settle for somewhere in the middle.

As I walk back, I’ve made up my mind about not caring about my age or any other reason, because I need a fucking drink. The Sounds are playing their last song when we get back, and I’m ushered on stage when Living In America ends. Maja smiles brightly and hugs me even though we don’t know each other that well.

I end up having a great night, getting just about drunk enough not to care that Gerard is still there. Even though I’m a year older, it’s still too young. I just have to remind myself of that every time I see him.