Infinite

“Hello?” I say, hoping with all my heart that it has to do with Jamie.

“Uh… hi, is this Jamie’s mom?” an unfamiliar male voice asks.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for anything in my entire life.

“Yes!” I say, too happy to think properly. “I mean, no, it’s her sister." Awkward pause. "Have you found her?”

“Why would I be calling you if I hadn’t?” he says, chuckling. “We’re at Barnes & Noble, in the music section."

“I’ll be there,” I say, and then sprint (or walk quickly, since Elliott is still asleep in the stroller) towards Barnes & Noble, up the escalator to where the music books are. Despite the fact that Jamie can’t read, she loves looking at pictures of her idols and have me read out loud from parts she understands. I don’t know why I didn’t look there before – maybe I was too busy panicking.

“Aubrey!!”

She’s suddenly there, and I bend down to hug her with all my might.

“Fuck, Jamie, don’t ever do that again!” I say, now with tears streaming down my face. I don't even care that I just used the f-word in front of her. “Do you realize how worried I was? You could have been kidnapped or…”

“Aubrey, I met Gerard!!” she says, seemingly oblivious to my worry – her eyes are bright and she’s grinning. My desperate sobbing decreases a bit.

“What? Gerard who?”

“I’m Gerard.”

I’m still emotional from imagining losing Jamie, so seeing Gerard Way smiling at me when I stand up is kind of unreal.

“She was looking a bit lost, so I asked her where her parents were,” he says. I wipe the tears and the smudged eyeliner from my eyes and is about to say something, preferably ‘thank you’, when Jamie speaks again.

“Gerard told me he’d sing Cancer for me!”

I look over at Gerard, who is smiling, although looking a little embarrassed.

“She asked me to,” he explains. I find myself thinking damn he’s hot, before realizing that I haven’t even introduced myself.

I reach out my hand to shake his. “I’m Aubrey, I’m Jamie’s sister.” You’ve already told him that, moron. “Thank you so much for calling me, I was starting to panic.” Well, that’s the understatement of the year.

“No problem.”

Okay, now I have no idea what to say. There’s so much I want to say to this man that I don’t really know how to begin, or if this is even the right moment to do it. Luckily, Jamie talks before things get too awkward.

“Geraaaarrrd, sing it now!”

“Jamie!” I scold, giving her a motherly glare. Gerard chuckles.

“It’s alright,” he says to me, and then bends down to talk to Jamie. “Sooo, you want me to sing?” Jamie nod eagerly. “Well, then you have to sing it with me.” Another eager nod. “Are you ready, then?”

And he starts to sing.

Turn away
If you could get me a drink
Of water, ‘cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie…

Jamie knows every word by heart. Cancer is her favorite song on The Black Parade, she has driven Rick mad countless of times by playing it loud on the stereo, and I’m impressed by her ability to keep calm even though her idol is standing right next to her, singing. Five-year-olds probably have a better sense of what’s important in life. Not like me who gets nervous just because Gerard is the hot lead singer of a band I like.

I’m close to tears again when the song ends – people say that that song makes them cry because of what it is about, but I’ve always thought the lyrics are bordering on ironic, direct as they are. Today, though, hearing my little sister sing it with Gerard Way is enough to make a lump form in my throat again, right after I’ve calmed down from my earlier outburst. Great going, Aub, tears are so flattering.

What happened in the last five minutes? The feeling of things being unreal has escalated to seeming unbelievable.

Jamie gives Gerard a peck on the cheek, catching him off guard. What is it with that kid and making friends? I wish I had that ability. (Especially when it comes to be able to kiss Gerard Way without seeming like some crazy fangirl… Damn, I so wish I was Jamie right now.)

Gerard blushes (ADORABLE, my mind screams at me, but I try to ignore it) and smiles at Jamie, and then at me - I think the butterflies in my stomach are on crack, they’re behaving unusually crazy today. And then there’s a ‘thanks again’ and ‘it was nice meeting you’ before it’s all over and me and Jamie and Elliott are having lunch at McDonald’s.

I’ve just met Gerard Way and what the fuck is wrong with me?

“What is it Aubrey? Did Gerard make you sad?”

No one can read me like my sister. My fries are uneaten while both Jamie and Elliott (who has woken up) have almost finished their meal, and I can’t form proper sentences because I’m so consumed of what has just happened.

Just like most other fans, I’ve thought about what I’d say to the band if I ever got the chance to meet them. I’ve never come up with anything, but somehow I’ve always thought it would be kind of magical, that all the right words would just… pop up. Or at least I would say something. (When I was younger, the fantasies of meeting the band also contained being best friends with them and marrying either Gerard or Frank or Mikey, but fortunately I grew older and realized that it didn’t do me any good; it just caused anxiety and a broken heart.)

Now, the chance has come and gone, and I didn’t say anything of importance at all. And I can’t shake off the feeling that it wasn’t supposed to be this way.

I’m a shy person, I already know that.

But why, why, why did I have to be shy when I met Gerard Way?

At least Jamie’s happy.

“No, he didn’t make me sad,” I say to her, taking a paper napkin to wipe some of the ketchup from Elliott’s cheek. “I just thought I should have said something else to him, that’s all.”

I shrug it off, trying not to worry Jamie. But she looks at me with her big green eyes, tilts her head a little and says:

”You don’t have to say special things Aubrey. Everyone loves you anyway."