This Modern Love

Joanna and I were in my living room, sitting criss-cross on the floor. She took a liking to all the Buddha paintings my mom put on the wall, and wanted me to teach her how to meditate.

“My back is hurting from sitting up so straight,” she said with a small grunt.

I kept my eyes closed, concentrating on my breathing patterns. “Sit to where it is comfortable to you. Slouch a little if you have to. You don’t have to sit straight up.”

Joanna exhaled heavily. “This is really relaxing. I should do this before I go to sleep every night.”

“I should start doing that again, too. I used to do it all the time, but I haven’t really kept my mind clear enough for it,” I replied quietly.

“You’ve been thinking too much about Shaun,” she pointed out.

His name made me instantly cough out the air I had in my lungs.

“I believe you just killed the relaxation,” I mumbled darkly.

“What is that one phrase painted on the bathroom wall? ‘Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.’ Wasn’t that said by Buddha?” she teased.

“Yes, what a way to use his philosophy against me,” I spat, opening my eyes.

“I think you should talk about it. It is not good to hold in your anger, Candace-Son,” she mocked in a raspy accented voice.

I laughed. “I do talk about it. I just don’t like to because it makes me mad. And it isn’t good for one’s soul to be angry at the ones you love,” I mocked back in the best impression I could.

“I’m pretty sure that holding it in doesn’t make it go away,” she chimed.

The sound of squeaking brakes made us turn our attention to the front door.

“I feel a disturbance in the force, Master Obi-Wan,” Joanna whispered.

“Me, too, Mr. Miyagi,” I whispered back.

A car door slammed and I heard footsteps stomp up to the door. My heart started to pound. My parents were away at a Green house museum six hours away, and weren’t supposed to back until break was over. The only people it could be were Shaun and Scotty. There was a possibility for it to be Louie, but Kevin was always Louie’s ride.

The door handle turned, and a tall red head walked in my house.

“Hey, Candace,” he greeted nervously, slowly walking towards me.

Joanna and I looked at each other and nodded.

“I’m going to go practice the crane in the next room,” she informed us, walking into the bathroom for a more comfortable place to eavesdrop.

I stood up, and dusted off the back of my pants.

“I haven’t seen you around lately,” I said quietly.

Shaun chuckled a little and nodded. “Sorry about that. I’ve just been really,” he paused for a moment, looking towards the ceiling as if the answer was written there.

“Preoccupied,” I added.

Shaun nervously laughed. “Yeah, that’s what I was going to say.”

It had gotten silent, so we both stood, staring at the floor.

“How are things with Scotty?” he asked.

“I don’t really know. He told me something upsetting last night,” I winced.

Shaun tilted his head in interest and smile. “What did he say?”

“He told me he loved me,” I mumbled.

Shaun blinked, being taken aback. He lowered his head and started to pick dead skin off of his palm.

“Did you say it back?” he croaked.

“No.”

“And why not?” he asked harshly.

“Because I’m in love with someone else,” I reminded him. “You can’t be in love with two people.”

Shaun cleared his throat and awkwardly shoved his hands in his pockets.

“SO I have a favor to ask you,” he said quickly, as if my answer was never spoken.

My face started to grow numb from nervousness.

“What is that?” I asked kind of scared of the favor.

“Well, Aunt Marsha and Uncle Jack called me two days ago. They want me to go up to the ranch with them for the break,” he began.

My muscles relaxed, and I grew a smile. “I Love Aunt Marsha and Uncle Jack!” I exclaimed.

Shaun and I went up to his Aunt and Uncle’s house in Colorado for almost vacation period we had. We usually went up there with the rest of our friends to snowboard, but sometimes we went alone. His Aunt adored me. We did all the girly stuff. Like share clothes, and talk about boys, and cook for the boys when they got back from their trip. His uncle always joked around with me, usually poking fun at my bad poker abilities.

“They asked if you wanted to come,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Tell them I said hell yes!” I cheered.

Shaun lowered his head. “I told them you said no,” he replied.

I tilted my head and furrowed my eyebrows. “Why would you tell them that?” I asked cautiously.

“Because I was planning on taking Natalie,” he replied quietly.

As if my heart had anymore room for bullet holes, I could feel another one appear.

I bit my lip and nodded. “Oh.”

“She is my girlfriend,” he reminded me, looking at me with a grimace.

“Oh, no. I know,” I said, waving it away. “I just wasn’t expecting to be replaced.” I breathed.

“You’re not getting replaced, Candace,” he chuckled with a toothy grin. “I’m just going to take her to meet the folks up there.”

I nodded as a signal for my understanding.

“Promise me you will help me,” he demanded.

“Help you with what?” I asked, only half-way listening. The sound of my heart bleeding was filling my ears.

“You have to promise first.”

“Fine,” I spat, worried about this favor. Shaun never hid things important from me like this.

“Will you talk to her dad, and tell him that she’s going to Colorado to meet your family, instead of mine?” he rambled in one breath.

My face turned from blank and hurt to mad and hurt.

“You want me to do what?” I yelled in shock.

“Please, Candace. I really want her to go, and her dad will not let her go to another state with three boys by herself!”

“Oh, so the rest of you all are still going?” I asked, enraged.

“Kevin and Scotty aren’t coming. But yes, the original crew are going,” he explained.

“Shaun, I can’t do that,” I told him, folding my arms and shaking my head.

“Please, Candace. For me?” he begged, pressing his palms together.

“Let me go on the trip, and I’ll think about it,” I tried to bargain.

Shaun shook his head. “I can’t let that happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you there to see Natalie bonding with my family. I don’t want you to see us hanging out together by ourselves,” he explained.

“Yeah, leaving it up to my imagination is so much better,” I choked.

Shaun sighed. “I promise that if you do this for me, it will make this dating process come to an end so much faster.”

I shouldn’t have believed him. He had been saying this whole time that he was about to break up with her. But, maybe her meeting the family was like a test. I wanted to be with Shaun more than anything, and if some how getting Natalie on this trip was going to split them up, I would do it.

“I’ll do it,” I agreed, almost wanting to slap myself across my face for doing so.

Shaun grew an ear-to-ear smile and pulled me into a hug.

“Thank you so much, Candace. You have no idea how much this means to me,” he whispered in my ear.

This was the first hug I’ve allowed him to give me since before he asked out Natalie. His grip just didn’t feel the same. It felt like he had been beaten up and used. Or, maybe it was just a mirror image of how my body must feel like.

He pulled away and started to walk towards the door.

“Shaun, wait,” I called after him.

He turned around and raised his eyebrows.

“Does her dad even know about me?” I asked.

“Oh, there is no need to worry on that part. Usually, Natalie is excited when she gets home from our dates so she has to tell someone about them. Not that she tells the exact date, she usually replaces my name with yours,” he explained with a grin.

“So what have I exactly done with Natalie?” I asked with quotation thinkers.

“Rollerblading, movies, park, cute best friend things like that,” he answered, still smiling. I don’t think he noticed that I was beyond pissed by this information.

I slowly nodded and sucked in my lips.

“Right. Well, I think I’m going to help Joanna practice The Crane, so I’ll have to talk to you later,” I said, trying to get away from his presence.

“You have been watching too much of the Karate Kid,” he giggled, and walked shut the door behind him.