Love in Theory and Practice: Chapters 1-13

Naturally, the “secret show” in London was a great success. Ville had been flying high and his happiness came through as energy for the audience. I’d been beyond happy on the side of the stage. Callie and I danced and sang along while Bam did some filming and some dancing and singing of his own.

Callie and Bam agree to keep quiet about our engagement. It’s not that we’re not happy to be engaged it’s just that something are almost more fun when they’re secrets. I’m an incredibly private person and while Ville is a public figure, he’s also relatively private.

I told my father and Ville told his parents over the phone on the morning after the show. My father had agreed to tell my brothers and announce it quietly among the family. Ville’s parents also agreed to keep it relatively quiet. My father was happy to hear that I had chosen a man “like Ville.” I’m not entirely sure what he meant by it but I just accepted his congratulations.

We flew back into Helsinki, or as Ville likes to joke ‘back to Hell,’ late last night. But this morning there’s a tension, almost like the electricity in the air before a thunderstorm. Like we are waiting for something to happen. Laying in the living room with my book seems like a waste of time, like it isn’t what I want to be doing. It’s a strange feeling for me seeing how reading is pretty much always what I want to be doing.

I’d been out earlier to pick out an engagement ring for Ville. I chose a simple platinum ring. I figured we could get a jazzier one later on. For right now I just was excited to put a ring on his finger.

I gave it to him the moment I walked back in the door. He really liked it and put it on immediately. He was embarrassed by the tattoo on his finger and promises to get the “j” changed into an “e.” I told him not to worry too much about it. My ring covers up her initial and platinum doesn’t fade the way ink does.

We agreed to get bands with each other’s names engraved on them closer to the wedding.

Ville is now sitting in the armchair carelessly strumming his guitar but he doesn’t seem into it. I watch him for a while. I love the way his hair falls, I love the way his hands play guitar, and I love the awkward positions he manages to get his gangly limbs into. I can tell he isn’t entirely into what he’s going because he keeps sighing.

I love the way the house looks now. I’d loved it before but for different reasons. I had loved it because it was Ville’s. Now I love it because it is ours. We’re going to have to get new bookcases seeing as how now there are too many for the shelves.

They are in a pile behind and beside the chair Ville is in. It’s surreal to see him so closely beside some of my books from university. It shows me just how far I had to go just to come back. I came back to my origin to have a new beginning.

I had to overcome what I never wanted to think about ever again in order to be happy.

“Ville,” I ask cautiously. He looks up expectantly.

“Let’s do something fun today.” I say. I set my book down on the coffee table and notice that there are at least other 4 books and a stack of papers strewn across it. I have really let the standard of clean fall since moving in with Ville.

“What would you like to do?” he asks with a light laugh. He sets his guitar down on the floor beside him and stretches his arms over his head. His t-shirt comes but and reveals a bit of his stomach.

“I hadn’t thought that far.” I reply. But really I had, I was just afraid to say what I was thinking.

It’s a nice day in Helsinki today. The snow is fresh but the sky is clear. There’s a decent breeze but not enough to affect the temperature. It’s the kind of day that, if you were a kid, you’d spend outside.

“Let’s go wander downtown.” I suggest and Ville agrees.

So we bundle up in our winter gear. Before we leave he zips my coat right up to my chin and gently kisses my nose. First we stop in a small art gallery and marvel at the art imported from the far north of Finland. The Lapland culture is well and alive in Finland as well as Sweden and their art is incredible.

Next we look in a music shop. Ville tries out all kinds of instruments like a tambourine, castanets and an over decorated set of maracas. I sit down and play a few bars of ‘chopsticks’ on a piano while he strums a few measures of ‘I fuck like a beast’ on an acoustic guitar.

We dip into the used bookshop next door and immediately fall into the wild universe of literature. Ville disappears into a section about the occult while I wander undirected to the Art History books.

After what feels like only a few minutes, but turns out to be 2 hours, Ville comes to find me. I’m nose deep in a book about Formalism when I hear his low chuckle. He’s got a few second hand novels he wants to try and I take the book on Formalism along with one about Semiotics and one about Basquiat.

We wander together towards the harbor and grab coffee from a café.

“Ville,” I say tentatively.

“What is it, Love?” he asks over the top of the book he’d bought. We’re sitting on a bench by the harbor, each with a new book in hand and our coffee in the other. The snow is beginning to lightly fall. I can hear the water moving gently like an oversize creature and the groaning as the ice moves against the harbor.

“Let’s go get married.” I blurt out. I can feel my cheeks turn pink, not from the cold but in a blush. He looks at me with a wide smile and a sparkle in his eyes.

“You read my mind.” He says happily. “I didn’t want to wait but I didn’t want to upset any plans you had for a big wedding day.”

“Let’s go to the courthouse right now and do it. Then we can have something bigger for our families in the summer.” I suggest and he eagerly agrees.

“I never really saw a big wedding suiting us.” He says as he stands up from the bench. “I suppose we will have to have one just to make everyone else happy though.” He adds with a sigh.

“But we’ll have our own little joke. They won’t know it’ll just be renewal of vows.” I wink and he chuckles.

I couldn’t stand waiting any longer to become his wife. Ever since he’d asked I’d been ready. We walked hand in hand down to the courthouse and made an appointment. We only had to wait 15 minutes. Apparently they weren’t very busy marrying people today.

45 minutes later, I am Mrs. Ville Hermanni Valo. Once again I thank my lucky stars that I wear waterproof mascara. I am thrilled to know that I married Ville in a pair of jeans and my favorite t-shirt. We married each other exactly as we are; no fancy suits and dresses, no elaborate hair or make-up just Ville and me as we are.

I’ve never been sure about anything regarding other people in my entire life aside from knowing that Callie is my best friend. I’ve always been sure of what I wanted for myself. But now, in this moment, I am sure that I have made the right choice not just for me, but also for Ville.

We practically float out of the building. I don’t notice people on the street or the snow falling. I can’t see anything but Ville. It’s strange but just like our engagement, Ville and I aren’t in a rush to tell anyone. We like things to be between us.

“I never thought I’d do that, and after less than a year.” I admit honestly. The marriage license and certificate is tucked into my purse inside a book about Basquiat. And if that’s where I find it in the future, I’ll be happy. Even though the government, etc needs these papers to know that I belong to Ville, I don’t.

“I never thought I would either. I’m an awkward motherfucker. Are you sure you don’t want to run back in and get a divorce?” he jokes. I shake my head vigorously.

“You’re stuck with me for life.” I say and pinch his cheek. His skin is cold from being outside but the look in his eyes is warm. “It’s funny though, just a few days ago you and I weren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend, technically but now we’re married!” He laughs and pulls me in beside him.

“That’s only because I never had the balls to actually ask if you’d be my girlfriend. And the proposal thing, I was entirely prepared to be shot down.” He kisses the top of my head and I squeeze him around the waist.

As we walk back towards the house, we hear music outside a small apartment building; he pulls me into his arms and dances with me in the snowfall. We dance for a few moments before he kisses me deeply and hugs me tightly in his arms. Eventually we break apart and continue on home.

When we return to the house, our skin is pink from the cold and from happiness. He carries me across the doorway despite my objections and laughs when he sets me down. We shake the snow from our clothes. I look up at him after shaking it out of my hair and he looks at me. We both burst into laughter.

“Are we mad?” he asks, still laughing. There are tears in his eyes from laughing.

“No love,” I reply. “I have no idea what we are but we’re not mad.” He looks up into my eyes and instantly there’s that lustful glint I know well. I reach for him just as he reaches for me.

Ville is now sleeping soundly. His breathing is light and steady. His eyelashes flutter occasionally and every now and then his lip twitches. He is on his side, facing me. One of his hands is tucked under his pillow and the other is holding tightly onto mine.

We’d been rather busy since returning from the courthouse. We’d been overcome with each other and made love on the rug by the front door. It had been wet from the melting snow but we hadn’t cared. Later, we made love on the sofa near the fireplace. The heat from the fire nearly rivaled the heat between us. And after dinner we’d come upstairs.

Since I first moved in, Ville and I have made changes around the house. We bought a new bed frame and mattress along with 2 matching beside tables. Now we each have a light rather than just Ville. We’ve put up photographs of us and of our friends and families. We’ve added little things here and there to make it our place.

When I feel my eyes starting to droop I snuggle closer into Ville’s warm chest and his arm instinctively wraps around me, holding me to him. I fall asleep listening to the sound of his breathing, happy to be Mrs. Valo.